This paragraph has been on my mind lately:
He infiltrates her defenses, shatters her self-confidence, confuses her, demeans her. He invades her territory, abuses her confidence, exhausts her resources, hurts her loved ones, threatens her stability and security, involves her in his paranoid states of mind, frightens her out of her wits, withholds love and sex from her, prevents satisfaction and causes frustration, humiliates and insults her privately and in public, points out her shortcomings, criticizes her profusely and in a “scientific and objective” manner. Very often, the narcissist acts sadistically in the guise of an enlightened interest in the welfare of his victim. He plays the psychiatrist, he acts the guru to her need of guidance or the father figure, the teacher, the old and the experienced. All this in order to weaken her defenses and to lay siege to her disintegrating nerves. IT CAN DRIVE ANYONE TO THE EDEGE OF THEIR SANITY.
I took out some of the words to get right to the point of what bothers me.
My Ex-N recently told me he loved me and wanted to try again. I really wasn’t sure about that. It was a 70/30 split. 70 against 30 try again. I guess that 30 can be powerful because I waited and tried to avoid the issue. So he comes to me and tells me he’s not ready and that he needs time to get himself together. I said OK, good luck, no problem. So we don’t speak for a week then he calls me yesterday to ask if I went out last night. I said no, why? Then he asks if there’s anything I want to tell him? No, why? Well that friend John who ratted him out called to ask if he was in the neighborhood last night. He said no and John hung up the phone. In his paranoia he wondered why would John do this, he deduced that I must be out on a date with John. I wouldn’t go out with John if he was the last man on earth. So naturally I was offended. Then he tells me I hope we can be friends and get a beer sometime. I told him I don’t know if I want to be his friend. I told him that I understand he needs to work on himself but I have some questions that need answering too. Like why would I stay with someone so long who disrespects and abuses me emotionally. Then he starts giving me advice on life and relationships and how I need to look within myself and answer those questions. I said no offense but the last person I want relationship advice from is you. I tried to talk with him about how I was feeling and he kept interrupting he would’nt listen. Said he couldn’t hear what I had to say and that he wanted to get off the phone. Then he says what’s the reason for this conversation am I trying to convince him to get back together with me. I said no I just need to talk. He said he wasn’t ready to listen. I said I always listen when you need to talk to me. We go back and forth a bit, then he says the thing that finally got me off the phone. “I don’t want to be with someone who is emotionally unstable”. WHAT I said! That was mean of you! How dare you, you’re really good at talking and very bad at listening. And I hung up the phone. I went home and cried. I know he said that just to hurt me and it hurt like hell. After I had a good cry and calmed down. I was glad that I didn’t go back and I remembered the paragraph above and decided to repost it and read it again.
That comment really bothered me especially given everything I’ve been through this year. I know it was said to hurt me. And it really does.
