it’s my birthday soon on the same day i have an appointment with my heart specialist as last year i had a had scare at first it was thought it might had been two small heart attacks or angina but last november he gave me a stress test and heart echo and told me i hadn’t got anything corany wrong with my heart it hadn’t been a heart attack or angina which was a relief but wouldn’t take me off all the meds i had been on when i asked why he said he wasn’t ruling out there could be something else wrong with my heart .yes i was relieved it wasn;t a heart attack etc but this not knowing what else could be wrong is really worrying me.my doctor tyold me by reading my specialst letters he shouldn’t thing there is anything wrong ,my partner keeps trying to assure me aswell but i can’t help but worry.everytime i get a pain in my left arm i try not to panic,i use to although i’m not so bad now go to our hospital with every pain i got but there would tell me it was muscular which did calm me down untill the next pain.
when all this first started i had a rise in an enzeme called triponion only just on the borderline the level was i think 00.3 the level was.this is what caused the concern.
anyway i am so frightened about going back to my specialist because either he might tell me they isn’t anything to worry about or he might want to investigate it futher which might mean a procedure called a angiplasty (the spelling of this might be wrong) which is when they insert a tube into your veins etc or something like that to around your heart.
well my partner keeps trying to assure me that won’t happen my doctor doesn’t think so either but it still don’t help me worrying.
i am so terrified about all this.but what really has hit me hard is although my partner is comming with me to the appointment at the hospital she told me she has to work that night(she works nights).a few weeks back just before the doctor told me i had bi polar we had a row over something when i tried ringing her at work they told me she had rang in sick i found her in a pub chatting to a mate who worked behing the bar .she told me she had took a sickie because she had to get away for space as she couldn’t take no more of my behaviour.
but what i can’t understand no matter how hard i try to reason with myself about this is why is she refusing to take a sickie to be with me on the night after my hospital appointment.to me it seems she will take a sickie from work for herself but not when i really need her support.
is this bi polar thing i got making me think like this am i being unfair? i just don’t know.
she told me she can’t take the night off because too many are off that night but i doubt that even.
thing is if my specialist tells me he wants to investigate things futher i can’t handle it i can’t go through it because i am so scared .
i haven’t got any friends to turn to as i don’t work or go out.
i feel trapped by bi polar everyone telling me i’m ok don’t worry etc .
i just fighting these thoughts ,i’ve had to get up because after about an hours sleep i woke up and just couldn’t get back to sleep because of thoughts going through my mind.
sorry to go on but i just don’t understand what is happening to me anymore
I think you are definately being fair.I would definately go for my partner no matter what. I think she should definately go and support you.
yes i would be there for her .