Just a general rant

Narcissistic personality disorder
#21

What you mentioned about “true forgiveness” is important. I can’t tell you how many times I told myself and her I forgave her only to have all the anger and resentment creep back into my life over and over. As much as I thought I wanted to forgive because it was the right thing to do it wasn’t something I was capable of accomplishing at the time. I said it but I never meant it… until the end.

It was that little N I had in myself that refused to forgive because I was wronged that kept me from letting go of all the hurt that was taking over my life. I hope other people get freed from that experience if they end up in a situation like mine. The last conversation I had with my ex was her standing on my porch screaming at me about how her new man trust her and believes in her and that they were going to live happily ever after. Her new boyfriend was a crossdresser who went by “Rain” and she FILLED the refrigerator with Gatorade “Rain” in an attempt to torment me. It was empowering to see at her worst behavior and be able to look her in the eye and say I forgive you and I’m happy for you and actually mean it. For once my feelings were no longer dictated by how she treated me. I didn’t need her to apologize or empathize, I could do that for myself now. I didn’t deserve to be treated that way, and I knew it, and thats all that mattered. There was also a realization that she quit this behavior cold turkey when she realized she couldn’t hurt me anymore. I wasn’t hurting anymore, I didn’t care, but she did… and she was frustrated. I bet its hard on these people when it get to the point where thay aren’t important enough to make a dent on somebodies emotions.

#22

true words if ever spoken…a cross dresser…histrionic by any chance…?!
in my experience hurting someone is a powerful tool…but people only hurt themselves by doing that…what goes around comes around!..perhaps your ex wasnt getting the self punishing’fix"…pure projection perhaps?

#23

Yah a crossdresser, the stuff Jerry Springer relationships are made of. I really do not know much about the guy she moved in with after we stopped seeing each other, and I’m not really a doctor so I have no right to diagnose him either. However, if I had to guess, I’d say no. I would say his issues were related to low self esteem and a lack of knowledge about healthy relationships, just like me… without the female clothing. She’s gotta have someone who is naive, trusting, and easily manipulated, and will put up with her odd behavior But, thats just a theory.

#24

second thoughts…perhaps the bloke mirrored her…all show…i really do believe that their is a strong gender confusion thing on the go as regards cluster bs…they desperately want to find their niche…my ex was all"macho"on the outside…but seemed really gay in other ways…ah well being an actor they can change their roles…and the players too

#25

That weird, my ex at times seemed very masculine or butch. She had some identity issues, but I don’t know that it was a gender thing. To be honest, when a girl has NPD, NPD traits are things that are associated with aggressive males so they often appear to be acting like one. Physically, she was feminine.

Her current bf with gender issues, however, does not have a personality disorder.

#26

nevertheless,it does seem that they are looking for someone to"bounce themselves off"mine had two(perhaps three)distinct identities,its as if they are children who havnt resolved their teenage crisis almost.

#27

Thats true, my ex is certainly doing it. Once her bf stood up and she lost his and her friends support, she went on a very desperate campaign to elicit sympathy and support from anyone available who’d offer it. They say psychopaths believe their own lies, and its almost as if she’s searching for gullible people to pull into her world that wont disrupt the illusion she is trying to create.

#28

This is familiar…my ex always went after gullible women…I was too aware of the act…so I was history,a threat.
They basically want someone to"love the performance"so to speak…because there is NOTHING inside…which is sad,granted,but the show must go on as they say!so they just look for a more receptive audience,who appreciates the performance.and cant see through the facade.

#29

Hmm I dunno, my views to sway. I don’t know that I see my ex as targeting specific type of people intentionally. I think there’s a dynamic in her relationships whereas certain kinds of people will put up with her and have sympathy for her, while others recognize the behavior right away and keep their distance. In a way, my ex will target anybody… those who don’t recognize unhealthy behavior or those that continue to stay.

#30

ahh…so your ex was looking for the needy person rescuer senario?and you were the(perceived) rescuer?the night in shining armour(you would need that armour!)
Trouble with that one is we can only rescue those who want to be rescued!!perhaps male Ns have a shame thing and are different?and bail out when they realise that they have been"sussed out"as needy??
Its a minefield isnt it
I have heard that femail Ns are rarer…but far worse than the males!!..full metal jacket needed there…lol