List

I keep looking at a list I made and have been keeping. Is he an N? Or just a mean person?

Told me that I make him “dumb” with my improper grammer
Blammed me for hitting his leg on the bed. I was cleaning the bed and sheets and we got in a fight over it.
When I was getting ready for a work meeting, he walked around the condo telling me that I am messy and he can’t work in this environment
He told me, “who cares?” if he does not ask me about my meeting
He told me that I am emotionally unstable
He told me that I am emotionally abusive
He told me that “he will never be humiliated by a woman again”
He told me that I made him kick me off of the plane to vegas. He said that I made him do it. He left me at home unintentionally.
When I asked about how I should feel, being left, coming there, being told that I am not wanted, being told to leave, spending my money after being left at home, won’t give me a reason for coming after being left at home, and losing the money for the ticket" He responded with, he did it unintentionally, HE BROUGHT me to get the ticket.
We were having sex and got in a fight about whether or not I used the spermicide when he saw me do it.
he said that I make him say mean things to me
he drives at 100 + miles an hour
sense of entitlement
he told me that he picked me out and he owns me
everytime I talk about how he treats me he changes the subject
after I spend an hour telling him how I feel in an email, in person, on the phone, in text, and then I cry because he does not hear me and tells me he does not care, and then I get angry and flip out…. He then comes to me and says “let’s talk” “why can’t we talk about things”
After I take accountibility for all of I have done wrong, he just says thanks and then ignores it
he will not see a counselor for our relastiosnhip
he just says we are uncompatible
he ditched me to go fishing twice
he blamed me for ruining his summer
I have to teach him respect and then he says that I don’t respect him
He would not invite me to his family’s party after 1 year of dating
I wanted to talk about living in the same city and he says that I am not supportive and that he has better things to do
I wrote him a long email and he said that he never read it and he does not have time for this
He has better things to do than work on our relasitonship
Makes me promise to never fight.
Told me that if we are not perfect, then we are incompatible
Makes lists of everything he does for me
The other day I was cleaning and he was like"finally looking nice around here"
Asked me to pay for dinner when I don’t have any money
Blamed me for forgetting his wallet
WILL NOT take accountibility for himself
Will not take accountibility for his actions
Forgets that he did anything.
Tried to evict me
When I tell him that I do not like something he says “Yes you do”
Will order food and never ask me if I want something and then blame me for not asking for it
Took away my ice cream and told me that I had enough
Has been commenting about how much I eat
Asked me why I am not putting on make up and thought that I should have make up on before going out
Does not want me on wellbutrin.
After a long email, talk, whatever, he just says the words: “I am willing to do this work. It is worth it to me.” nothing else
He says that he always has to apologize to me
Whenever I say you hurt me … He comes back to me and says NO YOU HURT ME
Does not: Acept responsibility for self.
BLAMED ME FOR NOT WANTING TO CELEBRATE OUR 1 YEAR ANNIVERSARY
DID NOT EVEN GET A VALENTINES’S DAY CARD
AFTER FIGHTING OVER A VIDEO GAME FOR A MONTH……. He then sends me more emails and text messages about video games before resolving the issues
JEALOUS!!!
When having sex, I will change positions and he will often cut me off when I like something and he does not… it’s as if he is uninterested
In hawaii, he punished me all night long because I was upset when he spent the whole night looking at other girls. Told me I humiliated him at the table when I whispered it and he denied it and then we did not go out that night nor speak.
When I was in pain with a bladder infection he would tell me that he thinks he is in pain
he says that I have taught him so much but we are not good for each other
ignores me
Told me that he loves me on our second date
when I am crying because he hurts me … he comes to me and say’s I FORGIVE YOU
After I left him about 4 voicemails, emails, text messages…. Over and over - he responded with “OK, I was hoping that you would have picked up the phone to call me today but I guess we can talk tomorrow.” and “I would like to come to see you this week and talk about this but if you want to avoid me then that’s up to you.”
After ditching me for a fishing trip he never asked me about my weekend and also sent me this: After I left him about 4 voicemails, emails, text messages…. Over and over - he responded with “OK, I was hoping that you would have picked up the phone to call me today but I guess we can talk tomorrow.” and "I would like to come to see you this week and talk about this but if you want to avoid me then that’s up to you.“Thanks, it was a great weekend; except for the rain. We camped outside Saturday night, and caught 5 King Salmon… and ate them "
NEVER GOT A LETTER: “OK thank you, and I love you, and I never meant to hurt you or fight with you. I am writing you a letter right now.”
After I got kicked off the plane to vegas: " Thanks for ruining my birthday weekend. Thanks a lot. I had planned such a nice trip for us. All you know how to do is fight. GROW UP. You have ZERO capacity for love, and all you want me to do is be sorry. You are the most selfish, unremorseful person I’ve ever met;”
When trying to get some respect and to be heard and feel like shit this is the respons I get: "What don’t you understand? I am not seeing a doctor with you. You are not total shit. You have been one of the most positive influences in my life. But this was when I first met you. Before the fighting, before everything. I DO NOT HAVE TIME TO SEE DOCTORS WITH YOU. I HAVE MUCH MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO WORRY ABOUT. What don’t you understand about that? You tried to do this once before, and it infuriated me. I already see a therapist for my ADHD! You write one email, and then you write another. Here we go again with the emotional rollercoaster. Seriously, I am done. "
AFTER I HAVE SRIOUS RAGE AND ANGER: “OK, then I hope we can be friends. I refuse to be more than that to you. Our relationship is over. I will not be humiliated by you. Verbally, Emotionally, in public, or anywhere else. I am a better person than that, and when I met you, I really thought you were too, but I guess I was wrong. You are selfish, and incapable of loving, and forgiving. I don’t want any part of that;”
SAID he wanted to shoot the people at (opmitted) and asked if that was bad that he was saying that after he did not get accepted.
when we first started dating he told me that I should feel honored to be in his shower. I was the first girl in his shower
when we were fighting I was told that I am older and I should act like it and accept that he is younger.
He is not working on this relastionship…. If it is not easy, it is not worth it.
I am the problem.
gives me the silent treatment
tells me that he misses and loves me when we are fighting
said that I am blackmailing him.
said that he is coming to get his BIKE, and he said that it is HIS BIKE and I said, Yes, I know… I have never touched it and he was like “YEAH, that is my bike and I need it”
FORGETS that he ever told me that he would not mail me my work stuff. TOTALLY DENIES IT OR FORGOT
does not want me to talk to him about his ADD ANYMORE
Won’t tell me why his mom sent his to the docotr, mental hospital, whatever…
I feel like his object.
LACKS EMPATHY!!!
asks about people I have slept with all the time. Asks if I was permisquous more than once.
Tries to read my computer screen all the time!!! Denies IT
Asks who is calling all the time
WILL NOT GIVE ME HIS PASSWORDS BUT HE HAS MINE
laughs when people are hurt on dr phil or oprah
gets really calm after I get angry and pretends like nothing happened
I hurt him back to make him feel what I feel. I feel bad about myself.
wanted to make me listen to an email where I am telling him how much I am hurt
belives that everyone will regret not accepting him into school
arressted for roller blading and trying to flee
no sense of money
HE is in huge financial debt (I THINK) but yet, maybe not, he has always had more money than the average person without working for it. Family money
he says that I give him a headache and he does not feel well
I have turned into a controling mean person.
I cry all the time.
I am so depressed that I can’t get out of bed or work or do anything
I feel like my world is ending
I know that I need to leave him and I don’t know why I keep coming back
I feel like this is my fault even though intellecutally I know that I did not make him be like this.
We do not talk about our future besides stupid dreams.
If I get pregnant he wants me to have an abortion and it concerns him that I will not
He covered his ears when we were fighting
He drove to michigan while I was sleeping because we were fighting. AFTER KNOWING AND BEING TOLD that …… That is the worst thing he can do to me.
He told me if I am nice I can drive his car
I am not allowed to drive his BMW
Whenver we fight, he drives and pack and goes to michigan.
I have asked his to leave many times and cannot seem to follow through
I have felt insecure about this relasitosnhip since the beginning.
I do not feel he will stick by me thorugh good and bad… only good
he forgets the most basic things I tell him
I have an uneasy feeling that I am unsafe and don’t know if I am over reacting
we do have fun when we have fun
we can spend hours talking about just stuff.
his mom has breast cancer
won’t take off his sunglasses
arrogant
after vegas he drove straight through to Michigan from ohare instead of stoppoing at out condo
he always calls me EMOTIONAL but then tells me that’s why he fell in love with me.
he says that I do not care how he feels and only care about myself
I am getting angry because I feel like a parent and not a girlfriend.
he bought a hunting knife and liked carrying it around
he likes control.
he likes power
super smart
he feels a kinship with Nicola Tesla a man who was intelligent, no woman in his life, did what he wanted and racked up debt with no remorse
pretends nothing happened
calls me and acts like nothing is wrong.
changes the subject.
JUST TOLD HIM THAT WE ARE BREAKIN GUP AND HE SAID FINE…… Talk later? And I said NO…… We are breaking up…… And he said ok and hung up the phone.
I expect him to fight for me and do the work and get dissapointed everytime.
after we had sex he told me to see other people that he can’t be there for me.
not ready for marriage.
left me sitting there with no keys.
I have turned into a hateful rageful angery person
he told me that he does not have time to worry or ask about my meetings
he told me to go and see other people after we got done making love. He told me that he cannot be tied down. He made love to me and told me he loved me and then watched me cry all night long while he played on the internet and let me be sad and ignored the fact that he just told me he can’t be there for me when we haven’t seen each other in weeks and that he wants me to be with other people.
won’t send me my website files
one day he told me that he thinks killing somone is the ultimate control and would give him the ultimate power that he would want.
he told me that I have never asked about his mother and I do not care. Which is a total lie
he told me that my life is perfect and that he is stressed out
he never address my issues I bring up. Just tells me why I am wrong.
told me he can’t be there for me and I need to check myself into a mental hospital
everything he does to me he says that I do to him
abdandons me
he said that he is deeply in love with his ex and wishes to marry her.
won’t respond to valid points I make
gives me the silent treatment for days
hangs up on me all the time
will not address the real issues
won’t have conversations with me, just tells me
loves that I am so emotional and have so many feelings but tells me he can’t be with me cause of that
says I taught him a lot
asked him to be there for me and he said no
says he always tries to work on things.
told me that he thinks saying I love you is a sign of weakness
adhd!!!
keeps failing classes
family sucks
sister is a bitch and he won’t stand up for me
will give me something with an “if”
will do something for me but then throw it in my face
waited a full week to do something or respond to me.

All I can say is Jesus…

On Oct 3, 2007, at 6:08 PM, hopetoday wrote:

We were having sex and got in a fight about whether or not I used
the spermicide when he saw me do it.
he said that I make him say mean things to me
he drives at 100 + miles an hour
sense of entitlement
he told me that he picked me out and he owns me
everytime I talk about how he treats me he changes the subject
after I spend an hour telling him how I feel in an email, in
person, on the phone, in text, and then I cry because he does not
hear me and tells me he does not care, and then I get angry and
flip out…. He then comes to me and says “let’s talk” "why can’t
we talk about things"
After I take accountibility for all of I have done wrong, he just
says thanks and then ignores it
he will not see a counselor for our relastiosnhip
he just says we are uncompatible
he ditched me to go fishing twice
he blamed me for ruining his summer
I have to teach him respect and then he says that I don’t respect him
He would not invite me to his family’s party after 1 year of dating
I wanted to talk about living in the same city and he says that I
am not supportive and that he has better things to do
I wrote him a long email and he said that he never read it and he
does not have time for this
He has better things to do than work on our relasitonship
Makes me promise to never fight. Told me that if we are not
perfect, then we are incompatible
Makes lists of everything he does for me
The other day I was cleaning and he was like"finally looking nice
around here"
Asked me to pay for dinner when I don’t have any money
Blamed me for forgetting his wallet
WILL NOT take accountibility for himself
Will not take accountibility for his actions
Forgets that he did anything.
Tried to evict me
When I tell him that I do not like something he says "Yes you do"
Will order food and never ask me if I want something and then blame
me for not asking for it
Took away my ice cream and told me that I had enough
Has been commenting about how much I eat
Asked me why I am not putting on make up and thought that I should
have make up on before going out
Does not want me on wellbutrin. After a long email, talk,
whatever, he just says the words: “I am willing to do this
work. It is worth it to me.” nothing else
He says that he always has to apologize to me
Whenever I say you hurt me … He comes back to me and says NO YOU
HURT ME
Does not: Acept responsibility for self. BLAMED ME FOR NOT WANTING
TO CELEBRATE OUR 1 YEAR ANNIVERSARY
DID NOT EVEN GET A VALENTINES’S DAY CARD
AFTER FIGHTING OVER A VIDEO GAME FOR A MONTH……. He then sends
me more emails and text messages about video games before resolving
the issues
JEALOUS!!!
When having sex, I will change positions and he will often cut me
off when I like something and he does not… it’s as if he is
uninterested
In hawaii, he punished me all night long because I was upset when
he spent the whole night looking at other girls. Told me I
humiliated him at the table when I whispered it and he denied it
and then we did not go out that night nor speak. When I was in pain
with a bladder infection he would tell me that he thinks he is in pain
he says that I have taught him so much but we are not good for each
other
ignores me
Told me that he loves me on our second date
when I am crying because he hurts me … he comes to me and say’s I
FORGIVE YOU
After I left him about 4 voicemails, emails, text messages…. Over
and over - he responded with “OK, I was hoping that you would have
picked up the phone to call me today but I guess we can talk
tomorrow.” and "I would like to come to see you this week and talk
about this but if you want to avoid me then that’s up to you."
After ditching me for a fishing trip he never asked me about my
weekend and also sent me this: After I left him about 4
voicemails, emails, text messages…. Over and over - he responded
with “OK, I was hoping that you would have picked up the phone to
call me today but I guess we can talk tomorrow.” and "I would like
to come to see you this week and talk about this but if you want to
avoid me then that’s up to you."Thanks, it was a great weekend;
except for the rain. We camped outside Saturday night, and caught
5 King Salmon… and ate them "
NEVER GOT A LETTER: "OK thank you, and I love you, and I never
meant to hurt you or fight with you. I am writing you a letter
right now."
After I got kicked off the plane to vegas: " Thanks for ruining my
birthday weekend. Thanks a lot. I had planned such a nice trip
for us. All you know how to do is fight. GROW UP. You have ZERO
capacity for love, and all you want me to do is be sorry. You are
the most selfish, unremorseful person I’ve ever met;"
When trying to get some respect and to be heard and feel like shit
this is the respons I get: "What don’t you understand? I am not
seeing a doctor with you. You are not total shit. You have been
one of the most positive influences in my life. But this was when
I first met you. Before the fighting, before everything. I DO NOT
HAVE TIME TO SEE DOCTORS WITH YOU. I HAVE MUCH MORE IMPORTANT
THINGS TO WORRY ABOUT. What don’t you understand about that? You
tried to do this once before, and it infuriated me. I already see
a therapist for my ADHD! You write one email, and then you write
another. Here we go again with the emotional rollercoaster.
Seriously, I am done. "
AFTER I HAVE SRIOUS RAGE AND ANGER: "OK, then I hope we can be
friends. I refuse to be more than that to you. Our relationship
is over. I will not be humiliated by you. Verbally, Emotionally,
in public, or anywhere else. I am a better person than that, and
when I met you, I really thought you were too, but I guess I was
wrong. You are selfish, and incapable of loving, and forgiving. I
don’t want any part of that;"
SAID he wanted to shoot the people at (opmitted) and asked if that
was bad that he was saying that after he did not get accepted.
when we first started dating he told me that I should feel honored
to be in his shower. I was the first girl in his shower
when we were fighting I was told that I am older and I should act
like it and accept that he is younger.
He is not working on this relastionship…. If it is not easy, it
is not worth it. I am the problem. gives me the silent treatment
tells me that he misses and loves me when we are fighting
said that I am blackmailing him.
said that he is coming to get his BIKE, and he said that it is HIS
BIKE and I said, Yes, I know… I have never touched it and he was
like "YEAH, that is my bike and I need it"
FORGETS that he ever told me that he would not mail me my work
stuff. TOTALLY DENIES IT OR FORGOT
does not want me to talk to him about his ADD ANYMORE
Won’t tell me why his mom sent his to the docotr, mental hospital,
whatever… I feel like his object.
LACKS EMPATHY!!!
asks about people I have slept with all the time. Asks if I was
permisquous more than once.
Tries to read my computer screen all the time!!! Denies IT
Asks who is calling all the time WILL NOT GIVE ME HIS PASSWORDS BUT
HE HAS MINE laughs when people are hurt on dr phil or oprah
gets really calm after I get angry and pretends like nothing happened
I hurt him back to make him feel what I feel. I feel bad about
myself. wanted to make me listen to an email where I am telling him
how much I am hurt
belives that everyone will regret not accepting him into school
arressted for roller blading and trying to flee
no sense of money
HE is in huge financial debt (I THINK) but yet, maybe not, he has
always had more money than the average person without working for
it. Family money
he says that I give him a headache and he does not feel well
I have turned into a controling mean person. I cry all the time. I
am so depressed that I can’t get out of bed or work or do anything
I feel like my world is ending
I know that I need to leave him and I don’t know why I keep coming
back
I feel like this is my fault even though intellecutally I know that
I did not make him be like this.
We do not talk about our future besides stupid dreams.
If I get pregnant he wants me to have an abortion and it concerns
him that I will not
He covered his ears when we were fighting
He drove to michigan while I was sleeping because we were
fighting. AFTER KNOWING AND BEING TOLD that …… That is the
worst thing he can do to me. He told me if I am nice I can drive
his car
I am not allowed to drive his BMW
Whenver we fight, he drives and pack and goes to michigan. I have
asked his to leave many times and cannot seem to follow through
I have felt insecure about this relasitosnhip since the beginning.
I do not feel he will stick by me thorugh good and bad… only good
he forgets the most basic things I tell him
I have an uneasy feeling that I am unsafe and don’t know if I am
over reacting
we do have fun when we have fun
we can spend hours talking about just stuff.
his mom has breast cancer
won’t take off his sunglasses
arrogant
after vegas he drove straight through to Michigan from ohare
instead of stoppoing at out condo
he always calls me EMOTIONAL but then tells me that’s why he fell
in love with me. he says that I do not care how he feels and only
care about myself
I am getting angry because I feel like a parent and not a
girlfriend. he bought a hunting knife and liked carrying it around
he likes control. he likes power
super smart
he feels a kinship with Nicola Tesla a man who was intelligent, no
woman in his life, did what he wanted and racked up debt with no
remorse
pretends nothing happened
calls me and acts like nothing is wrong. changes the subject. JUST
TOLD HIM THAT WE ARE BREAKIN GUP AND HE SAID FINE…… Talk
later? And I said NO…… We are breaking up…… And he said
ok and hung up the phone. I expect him to fight for me and do the
work and get dissapointed everytime. after we had sex he told me to
see other people that he can’t be there for me. not ready for
marriage. left me sitting there with no keys. I have turned into a
hateful rageful angery person he told me that he does not have time
to worry or ask about my meetings
he told me to go and see other people after we got done making
love. He told me that he cannot be tied down. He made love to
me and told me he loved me and then watched me cry all night long
while he played on the internet and let me be sad and ignored the
fact that he just told me he can’t be there for me when we haven’t
seen each other in weeks and that he wants me to be with other
people. won’t send me my website files
one day he told me that he thinks killing somone is the ultimate
control and would give him the ultimate power that he would want.
he told me that I have never asked about his mother and I do not
care. Which is a total lie
he told me that my life is perfect and that he is stressed out
he never address my issues I bring up. Just tells me why I am
wrong. told me he can’t be there for me and I need to check myself
into a mental hospital
everything he does to me he says that I do to him
abdandons me he said that he is deeply in love with his ex and
wishes to marry her. won’t respond to valid points I make
gives me the silent treatment for days
hangs up on me all the time
will not address the real issues
won’t have conversations with me, just tells me
loves that I am so emotional and have so many feelings but tells me
he can’t be with me cause of that
says I taught him a lot asked him to be there for me and he said no
says he always tries to work on things. told me that he thinks
saying I love you is a sign of weakness
adhd!!!
keeps failing classes
family sucks
sister is a bitch and he won’t stand up for me
will give me something with an "if"
will do something for me but then throw it in my face
waited a full week to do something or respond to me.

Wow… your list is sad, but familiar. I found myself wondering, as I read it, how anyone could stay with someone like that . Then I realized that i could have written it. While my list is not as long, here goes…

-told me that he didn’t care if i was dating/sleeping with someone else when we first began dating and became intimate
-says that he doesn’t have feelings whenever i tell him that he has hurt me
-claims that the distance and the way he treats me is just the way he is.
-criticized me for being too sexual with him (too many orgasms!)
-tells me that he doesn’t like sleeping with anyone all night
-told me that women should be the “prey”
-pulls away whenever i get too close
-lied about seeing another woman
-changed the subject or just plain ignored me when i tried to address issues
-rarely says anything nice anymore
-tells me that i used to be very self centered, but he has shown me the error of my ways and helped me to be less into myself
-puts me down when i feel confident
-told me that it was inevitable that we would sleep together and then pursued me until it happened
-never sleeps with me in his bedroom, but instead we sleep in the guest room at his house
-tells me that he is a loner who likes to be alone and makes me feel like I have to hurry up and leave
-never asks me to stay once our date is over (early the next morning)

On the other side…

-told me that i was beautiful
-always complimented me on my clothes, hair, etc.
-told me that i was effervescent
-told me that he loved me “in his own way” (only once)
-took me on many wonderful dates and always paid
-couldn’t keep his hands off me
-sang songs to me
-called me 3, 4 x per day
-expressed fear that I would hurt him
-is a great lover
-listens with concern and tries to help with my problems
-has been supportive of me in the work environment (we work together)
-tells me that i have lasted longer with him than most

My list is so short compared to yours, but these things continue to hurt me, but it is my fault because i stay connected.

isn’t it funny lucia, how we are so great too!

My list was like 140 something long, I started writing it on august 12th when I thought I had lost my marbles and wanted to check myself into a mental institute after I had the last round I thought I would ever take… but it keeps coming…