Hi everyone my name is summer. I joined this site a couple weeks ago but have not built up the courage to write until now. I have been reading most of the discussions and i can relate to so many of you. I have been a shy introvert for as long as i can remember. All my siblings are outgoing and happy. so it was very hard to grow up being so different from my family. I have very low self-esteem. I dont like the way i talk to people and I always feel like people think im weird or different. When i was in school my teachers always complained that i never participated and that I always sit in the back corner. Ive gotten grades i dont feel like i deserve all because of being too scared to give a presentation or being so anxious when taking an exam. its just unfair. anxiety can keep you from doing so many things you want to do. Ive also never really had any friends. it so hard to be lonely and not have anyone to talk to. a few years i worked up the courage to get help from a psychiatry clinic in my university. i went to therapy but it didnt help. i tried lexapro and that didnt help. now im trying effexor and ativan. i always feel tired and lazy. i never want to go anywwhere because i get nervous around people and never know what to say. i am so nervous as i type this because i know you guys are going to read it, i hate this feeling. it sucks, i just want to be normal and happy.
hi summer we all know the feelings you are going through, I think anyone with a anxiety disorder feels like you do. I remember going through school and experiencing the same things, I would take less grades because i didn’t want to get up in front of the class, or take part in really anything. i am now 36 and I feel very different I still don’t like to be put on the spot but I am more open to speaking in front of a group, it takes time I just started little by little and before I knew it i was more outgoing and up to the challenge. I know you too will find your way through this just have faith and know God can deliver us through anything we go through.
hi summer. have you ever thought you might be socially anxiious.although panic can be just as bad if not worse. anyway, i was diagnosed with al of these things and found out i suffered from social phobia. its just an idea so take it for what its worth. im not an expert.anyway, if you ever want to talk, let me know. you sound like a sweet person. and remember, anything that is wrong cqn be fixed.
Thanks everyone for your replies, theyve been really helpful.
Thanks everyone for your replies, theyve been really helpful.
Thanks 
Hi,
I have also had problems being in public. It is hard to go to work, and if i do, i never know when it will strike and i will be forced to leave. I have problems doing in the basics: going to store, going to friends houses, etc. I have eliminated going out with my friends to public places such as bars and movies.
But unlike you, I am a outgoing person. I am a little shy but was used to dealing with the public. Most of my jobs were dealing with the public: cashiers, telemarketing, surveys, and I was a DJ where i owned my own karaoke business and had to speak and sing in front of hundreds of people all the time. And i enjoyed it, and was rarely scared or nervous. I always had a good amount of friends and was always going to parties and bars to have fun.
But now, I am like a monk. I rarely go outside. If i do leave it is usually for a very short period of time.
I go through periods where i think i am doing better and try to work a job. The last 2 jobs i had lasted 1 week each. I would go for a week and feel fine, and everything is going well, then all of a sudden i get freaked out and feel like all i can do is stay in bed.
I cant figure this thing out. I enjoyed being around people, now i am so scared someone will see me. I have been on almost every med you can think of, but everyone of the meds didnt work or even made my symptoms work. I am ready to lose everything. Since i cant hold a job, i cant pay the rent or bills and now i am really getting far behind.
Everyone says the same thing: just think positive and tell your mind to snap out of it and you will be normal again. BS. If that was true i would have been normal 2 years ago!!! I have released so much positve energy that the world should be lit up forever.
I have been diagnosed with depression, anxiety (generalized and social), and panic attacks and panic disorder. The doctors think it is psycological, but i think it is physical. I think it could be CFS chronic fatigue syndrome. Something has to be done. I have set up appointments with specialists from out of my area, my local doctor finally has set up appointments with a sleep disorder specialist ,and a rheumatoligist (spelling probably wrong). And i have also recently filed for disability. I dont want to be considered disabled, but at least i could earn 2 to 3 times more for being disabled then if i on and off worked. Yes, i know what you’re thinking. How much money could i possibly get on disability. And this is very embarrassing. I can make around 7,000 a year on disability. You do the math. The last 2 years i havent even made 7,000. But i would rather take the disability and know that that money is coming, then to hope i work enough to make that much money.
How do you think i feel, knowing everyone i know is making more money in 1 or 2 months then i make in an entire year. It is frustrating, and embarrasing. They think i am lazy and want to just live off of the government, when in fact all my family gets is food stamps and medical. We dont get any money from the government at all. If it wasnt for my fathers death (God rest his soul) then i wouldnt have made it this long. My inheirtance has all been used to pay bills during this period. Anyway i am rambling on. I still havent finished my journal to explain all this, because when i do put all this to writing, i start to have my attacks.
It seems i am fighting a hopeless battle, but i am still trying. Hopefully something will come out of these doctors visits and they can determine exactly what it is and then receive the proper meds to make me better.
I have used up all of my resources and family has helped out financially so much, that they are giving up. Everyone says to get over it and just go back to work. WHY WHY WHY cant it be that easy. And the biggest mystery of all, is how and why did all this happen to me, and how do i fix it. I am going on 3 years in April when all this started.
All I can offer is to keep plugging away and maybe doctors or meds, or better than those, maybe God can cure us of this terrible sickness. Even though it may seem hopeless, there is an answer out there somewhere. We just need help finding it.
Slippery00, you’re right about the BS part, people telling us to just get over it and it’s all in our heads. My aunt keeps telling me that all that I’m going through is all in my head and that I don’t need any meds to help me. But like you said, "If that was true i would have been normal 2 years ago!!! "
iI understand , there are a lot of people out there who dont understand, they just think your crazy…including some doctors
in response to slipperry00, i have had the same problem for two years. I used to be outgoing and work was not a problem. Now i am totally devastated by this social anxiety disorder. I cant do anything everyone else can do. the other day i couldnt order my own meal off the menu. im afraid to say the wrong things so i avoid people. i just watch people and think how nice it must be to be like them. laughter is like foreign to me. i just want to be like myself again. im glad you hit on that physical thing because I feel bad. i don’t know if its the depression or what but im constantly tired and feel like i have a low grade temp. i guess we just have to wait and see what happens in that aspect. In the mean time, there are support groups for social anxiety where people meet and just socialize. its on meetup.com i dont know if thats helpful, but im thinking about trying it.