IS ANYBODY AFRAID OF TALKING OR GETTING INVOLVED IN ANYTHING FOR FEAR OF LOOKING OR SOUNDING FOOLISH. MOST OF THE TIME THE RIGHT WORDS COME OUT BUT SOMETIMES I STUMBLE OR KIND OF STUDDER MY WORDS. I KNOW ITS ALL APART OF THIS SOCIAL ANXIETY DISORDER. DOES ANYONE ELSE HAVE THAT?
well stated… Time can do wonderful things… it’s the waiting for time that is the hell
hi, cyndi…
Yes, I have that too...BIG TIME. I hate when I find myself floundering for words and feel like my words are all just tumbling out. I start to flush, and can feel my face redden, and then I feel worse. With my therapist's help, I'm working on stopping the moment and saying to myself, "This is okay. This happens to everyone some times." I still can't STAND it, though, when I find it happening...especially when the blush comes. I feel so exposed.cyndi, do you think this might be because of your internal pain (from all the years) ?
when i had my phases of agrophobia - 14-16 - i was afraid to speak because i felt like i was “nothing”. i didn’t feel like a proper person at all. heightened anxiety, no med help, just my little sister to talk to.
Cyndi-You are definitely not alone…it happens to me all the time, especially around strangers but sometimes even with people I know. I can feel it happening…my throat starts to close up and it gets hard to breathe, and I can hear it happening…my voice starts getting higher pitched and my words start coming out wrong. No fun at all.
no its a social anxiety thing yes I am afraid to look stupid act stupid say something stupid but I am trying to stop its hard I apologize for it all the time nobody seems noticed they say for what I say for what I said they say its ok SO WE ARE PAYING MORE ATTENTION THEN THEM
I used to get tongue tied, stumble over words, mispronounce them (sometimes with VERY humorous results). I make a living now for 18 years talking to groups everyday, all day. It was the humour (and the practice) that made it a comfortable and natural thing for me.
When my fears came true and I did embarass myself and people laughed at me, I let myself laugh, AND I let myself enjoy making others laugh even if it was because I was being tongue tied. I remember quite clearly physically making the motions to erase the “blackboard” to start all over. I remember making distinct eye contact with a woman in the audience who was smiling at me and whom I felt was like me when I am in the audience, wanting the speaker to succeed, and I smiled back at her. I also remember telling them once that I was a little nervous speaking to a crowd and would it be OK if I just imagined them all naked (everyone’s heard of that tactic) and once, when the group wasnt too big, 12 adults, I brought dollar store Groucho Marx glasses with the noses and the moustaches and asked them to wear them during my presentation.
When I’ve been at talks by presenters who were so nervous they stuttered, or rushed in order to get it over with as quickly as possible, I had always silently whispered to them “its OK, we want you to succeed, slow down, youre fine”. So I just assume that a good portion of other people in the audience feel something similar.
I dont know if thats helpful.
Last June I had to give a going away speech for one of my favourite colleagues. I had a powerpoint presentation of some funny and poignant photos of them, had some stories to tell…and wouldnt you know it after 17 years of public speaking for a living, I was HORRIBLE at it that afternoon. I forgot a handful of things I wanted to say even though I had notes in front of me, I got choked up a couple times and had to look away in order to compose myself, a few of my jokes werent well delivered and not very funny…and in the end I apologized to them afterwards that I didnt honour them with as good a job as I wanted for them. They thought it was fine, and you know what? At least 10 people came up to me the next day and told me how wonderful and heartfelt it was, and how they were getting choked up too.
wow – who knew?
I think even if we dont share this phobia, we still have moments where we’re our worst critics. I dont beat myself up about it much, I figure I just have high standards, expectations I like to have as goals. I dont mind saying to myself “I could have done better”…because I also hold in the same space that I did “good enough”.
ok
I have felt that I was trembling when I spoke and that my voice betrayed me…only to find from others that they didn’t notice the trembling voice I heard. I have mastered getting the correct social postures but inside is where it feels like I’m spewing idiot thoughts and stupid comments, that is still uncharted turf.
Cyndi–It is basically what Vickie said. What you are feeling is more a perception of yourself than how others percieve you.
I SIT THERE AND WATCH OTHER PEOPLE HAVE CONVERSATIONS AND WISH THAT I COULD BE LIKE THEM. I THINK YELLOW ROCK YOU MADE A GOOD POINT ABOUT IT BEING FROM ALL THAT IVE GONE THROUGH. BEING TEASED AS A CHILD DIDNT HELP MATTERS AND I ALWAYS FELT OUT OF PLACE. THIS WAS UNTIL AROUND THE AGE OF 25 WHEN I FELT THAT I HAD CONQUERED IT. IT CAME BACK THREE YEARS AGO WHEN I LEFT MY JOB THAT I LOVED.
I f you asked me this in person cyndy I would have said UHUUUUH I don’t know I just feel a little safer on the net a little
you are still wounded…
still wounded…
yes, I dont think we honour that enough in people who are suffering.
When I felt wounded I felt a pressure, much of the time from within, that was criticial and judgmental to “just get on with it”. “choose to be happy”. And there’s some wisdom in those introjects, but not in the way I felt was expected of me.
I needed to feel my wounds, lick them, whine and whimper in a safe, quiet, serene place of solitude. I also needed to growl and complain in the company of people I felt loved and supported by.
And it was only after that that I was able to take responsibility to do whatever it took to move through that to a better place.
I used to have this for my email signature:
"If you are going through hell… keep going."
Sir Winston L. Spencer-Churchill
because I really do believe we need our time to be wounded in order to GET TO the urge inside to be something else, to create soemthing else for ourselves, to make the healing happen.
I dont know what each of you members are surviving, but I have faith you’ll somehow find yourselves coming out the other end to a place where you’ll feel you CAN change your reality into something else.
(from someone who needed to find her time and her place to make it so)
Believe it or not, people are more interested in their own lives and their own problems than in taking an interest in what we are doing or if we are shaking or jittery. They just don’t care…
that is true but everything is amplified when you have social anxiety and you say or do something foolish I felt the tingle of that old demon today I did something wrong yet not to bad wrong so I got tears in my eyes but I didn’t go farther into it than that I managed to stop and say oh well I messed up and kept going trying to ignore it
As i have said, Vickie. You recovered very quickly and did very well and i congratulate you. Great!!
I think people do care, they may be unsure what to say or how to approach you. etc. I saw a woman in a food court near the hospital She was walking along and seemed to be talking to herself. she sat down in a far corner and continued her “strange” behavior. I chose to sit near by at a table thinking she might need help. she noticed I noticed and our eyes met I ask if she was okay, she said laughing, it looks like I’m talking to myself doesn’t it. She had her blue tooth thing in her ear covered completely by her shoulder length hair…
We both laughed and she thanked me for taking an interest and stepping out of the comfort zone long enough to check on her. So don’t let one or two bad eggs make you disenchanted with all. Some of us genuinely do care and do watch out for others.
Others do notice our mishaps but hopefully very few judge…
managing better with meds I am learning to deal with my anxiety and social anxiety river has come a long way and you seem to be doing ok but then there are times when your not recovered from major deppression maybe with meds if you concider that recovered anxiety social anxiety no not yet better than I was yes but still got a long way to go try calling me up count how many words I say not much no you can’t do that I can’t let you cuz thats way to freaky of a thought not you it’s me