My Mother is an amazing woman. She is my best friend, confidant, mentor and play pal. For many reasons her nickname is “Yoda”. We live 2600 miles apart. A psychologist by profession, retired to “Paradise” in the San Juan Islands at 74…now 81…taking Aricept…and in complete denial about her diagnosis of Alzheimer Disease. I am learning to speak “Alzheimers”.
Knowing that her reality is changing…it is mine to make the effort to enter her world and not the other way around. A lifetime of loving her…and now I need new tools. I think that’s what life is, though. In every phase of it, we repeatedly need new tools if we are to respond to life and all that it offers…regardless of what it is. I just recently went to see her for a week…to relax with her and also to assist her in getting some of her affairs in order. It was a beautiful, tender time.
I am struggling with her need to stay where she is living, and my need to be with her. When her safety becomes an issue my struggle will intensify I am sure. She took care of me with love and empathy and compassion, and it feels natural for me to embrace her and return the caregiving when she needs me. She has made it clear that she want"s to stay on the island until she dies. The hardest thing I am experiencing is the knowing deep inside that I would feel the same way. So I have decided to see her as often as I can…to meet her where she is and love her right there. I am networking with her doctor, and the next time I go, I will set other “watchful eyes” and support in motion.
I cherish her in my life…what she has given and will always give me in my memories. I struggle with my own pain of letting go. She let go of me when I became of age…and that was hard for her. So my time with her is just being with her…not to tell her what she “has to do now that she’s in this condition.” And now I wonder, when is it time to change that approach? I value anyone’s feedback…I feel I can use all the ideas you all have. Thank you, Christina