My husbands daughter is ruining our marriage!


#1

my husbands daughter has ACC accompanied with mental retardation and autism. she is 100% dependent, in diapers (she’s almost 10), and has no communication. I feel terrible but she’s ruining our marriage. There are so many factors and i cant manage everything. She is a threat to our other children (biting, strangeling) i dont know what to do. I cant possibly tell my husband what i feel, especially since he ignores the problem. What do i do, are there any step parents of acc out there with the same issues?


#2

Im sorry that you are having problems in your marriage. Didn’t you see these problems with her before you married him? Maybe getting some counseling will help you and everyone involved handle the situation better and be able to cope with it more. Don’t blame it on a child that is innocent.


#3

when we met she was 2, and not even crawling yet and understandibly still in diapers. she is very manipulative and understands how to get what she wants. i am not blaming HER by any means. I am mearly asking for SUPPORT and encouragement from someone in a like minded situation. not just anyone can step in and take on this type of situation. this is a cry for help as i have exhausted all other efforts so hearing from someone in my situation will really help. yes the above post is straight to the point but i dont dance around the subject when i am in need of something. and if i did see a “problem” with her before i married him, i still would have married him. he is my soul mate and father of my children. like i said, i feel terrible for even posting this but i am in NEED of advice and to hear from someone with a situation like mine.


#4

I am sorry to hear about your problems, I have a child who is 14 with ACC, Autism and mental disabilites. I was just married about 4 years ago. We have discusses trying to have a child toghether but decided because of my daughters condition it would put to much of a strain on us. You have to find a way to deal with this, you cannot come between your husband and his daughter, she needs him more than you. I would try going to a support group, you cannot possibly be the only step partent out there. We have agenciies like Parent to Parent and Community Advocates that can help. You can also try community mental health, someone should be able to help you.


#5

I am a mom and not a stepmom, but often feel a little burnt out. It is completely normal to feel overwhelmed raising a child like ours. At one point, I realized that I needed to change the way I thought versus try to change our son. I would just get overwhelmingly frustrated each day as he refused to conform to my idea of normal. I ended up going to a councilor who was a great sounding board for me. I could say what I needed- guilt free! I could cry and get support and I could overcome some feelings of guilt and learn how to accept him and a new idea of normal. This was a great growing process for me as I was always trying to be strong, to advocate, and to coordinate - but I never took the time to go through this grieving and acceptance process that I needed to do. Now we take one day at a time, don't try to do normal things like birthday parties or Disney world, advocate without judgment, and communicate our feelings more effectively.

I hope you find the support and care your need for yourself. Remember, we as moms or stepmoms can't take care of anyone else if we're not taking care of ourselves!