I have often been struck by the comparison between my life and characters in a fairy tale.
There are days I would trade my soul just to don a silken and lace dress and waltz around, anxiety & pain-free, of course, with a flurry of singing mice and twittering birds.
There are many days I am all seven of the dwarfs from Snow White, and a few extra, missing dwarfs. Besides feeling like Grouchy, Grumpy, Sleepy and Impossible, I could easily fill the role of Long-Suffering, Irrational, Bitchy and Unbearable. Some-days … I can’t even stand to be with me.
Indeed, my life is no fairy tale. Some days I have to wonder where all the possibilities, the hope and the eagerness for life have gone. Where is my happy ending? I get the ending part but some - days I have to search high and low for the happy.
I have wondered from time to time if I am the Beauty or the Beast. When I’m making my way around the house in the morning, limping and aching, my metaphorical knuckles grazing the ground, the only thing missing are the bells of Notre Dame and the Hunchback…No wait, that’s me. If you recall, the Beast was really a good guy who was just a bit grumpy and irascible because of what he was transformed into. I can identify with him so much some days. Wish I had a castle so I could climb up to the top, stand on its parapet and roar. Roaring sounds good to me.
Somewhere, deep within me, when I’m out of roar, I know the answer lies with the Beauty. I can only take so much of the Beastly behavior when something inside me clicks on, much like a Geiger counter and I have to search for Beauty. Beep, beep, beep, I’m searching. I know it is my salvation. I know it will bring joy back into my life. I know it will overwhelm the pain and bring some joy back into my heart. I have to find it. Seek. Beep, beep.
I am so often struck by the way many of you who have sought out your own form of beauty. I have come to believe there is some cycle within the human soul, much like the seasons of the year, which aid us through the winters of our life and help us hold on until the spring. So often you have shared with me the areas of your lives which give you joy. Sometimes it’s a hobby or a talent that gives you joy. At other times, it has become clear to me that we who suffer everyday often seek out beautiful places to live. Many of us live near water. Is there something perhaps, about our roots seeking water? There is, for me, certain tranquility from seeing the mighty Lake in their consistency and beauty. The sun bouncing off the blue of the river can be overwhelmingly beautiful. The ocean is more fickle, especially in the winter as it roars, abates and roars again with its gifts from the sea. Sometimes, here in NH, the mighty mother nature delivers giant logs onto the sandy beaches as products of her eruption.
You don’t have to move to have beauty.
You can have an object, a painting, photograghy,a poem or another person that represents beauty to you. Sometimes it’s a book, a thought, a scent. To absorb, to appreciate and to enjoy beauty is only a part of the holy grail of this system, this cycle. The other half of the equation is to open your eyes to appreciate, revel and say, “Thank you.â€Â
Love , Jade ~