New here, my story

ladylupine · February 11, 2017, 11:40pm

Yes I got your private message along with several others from ther people. I’ve also been notified TWICE in this thread. Just stop, please. I’m having a meaningful conversation with some people and it bothers them and me to get interrupted with this. When one of my friends gives me input, dont reply saying I belong somewhere else. Its disrepectful to the people to the people I’m talking to and hurts their feelings. I don’t need to be told I will find nothing meaningful here twice, when I have, Screw that.

thephoenix1011 · February 11, 2017, 11:40pm

you are projecting things into what I said, that arent there

and youre missing what I did say

which I will reiterate…be and do and listen to what fits right for you

nothing more, nothing less

wastedyouth · February 11, 2017, 11:40pm

"Yes I got your private message along with several others from ther people. I've also been notified TWICE in this thread. Just stop, please. I'm having a meaningful conversation with some people and it bothers them and me to get interrupted with this. When one of my friends gives me input, dont reply saying I belong somewhere else. Its disrepectful to the people to the people I'm talking to and hurts their feelings. I don't need to be told I will find nothing meaningful here twice, when I have, Screw that."

LL,

It would upset me too to feel pressured and get the same message over and over. One invite is more than enough, and it would be nice if people read your whole thread to make sure it hasn't been offered before. Any help you get from me is indeed "real" despite anyone else saying it can't be done here.

You've joined this place in the middle of a war, and it'd bother me too if any of that got in the way of anything I had to say. It does sometimes feel there are people around who would rather you not talk at all than talk to certain people. It does seem like people are attempting to prevent rather than promote.

I recognize your situation and its familiar and a hard thing to go through. I recognize that your therapist and you think he has NPD and that its a psychological problem, and that its Blitzen and SusieJo that think its medical and possibly something else. Its great to keep an open mind and diagnosing people is sometimes a difficult business. Like everybody said, what really is important is you and that you want out and want to do it with as little difficulty as possible. You want out and you dont think hes going to coorperate or go quietly, and thats a scary thing. Its very scary when you run across a person who doesn't recognize your boundaries or personal rights or your right to "break up" and move on. Not knowing how they will react or what to expect is a major pain in the ass. Having an idea of what this person might have will help you learn how to react and respond or how not to.

samvaknin · February 11, 2017, 11:40pm

Pathological narcissism is a reaction to prolonged abuse and trauma in early
childhood or early adolescence. The source of the abuse or trauma is
immaterial - the perpetrators could be parents, teachers, other adults, or
peers. Pampering, smothering, spoiling, and “engulfing” the child are also
forms of abuse - see these:

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/narcissismglance.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/journal42.html

http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php/type/doc/id/419

Genetics and Personality Disorders

http://samvak.tripod.com/personalitydisorders27.html

The Genetic Underpinnings of Narcissism

http://samvak.tripod.com/journal43.html

Happy New Year to you and yours!!

Sam

----- Original Message -----
From: “wastedyouth” npd-cpt7215@lists.careplace.com
To: palma@unet.com.mk
Sent: Sunday, December 30, 2007 4:50 PM
Subject: Re: [npd] New here…

ladylupine · February 11, 2017, 11:40pm

So I’ve gone and done it. I gave him a weeks notice and let him know as kindly as possible what I think about his mental state and told him i was planning to move out. He did not handle it well and as far as I can tell it seems as though he hates me to the core. if i didn’t know any better it was as if he never had any feelings for me at all. he was very resentful and angry and is behaving strangely. i thought i could stay the last week but i eventually had some friends come pick me up and escort me out. he has called my friends and some of my family and even coworkers and is telling them some of the most god awful stories about me imaginable. i dont know where he could come up with such stories in such a short amount of time its as if he had them in mind the whole relationship. i told him i wouldnt call him or talk to him for a while until i got settled in and things had blown over a bit. he is not happy and i think he would have responded differentlt but have big macho friends around and someone to escort me so that i didn’t have to do it alone has worked wonders. i imagine if i had been alone it would have caused problems. he has tried to call me several time but i made sure there wasn’t even room for voicemail on my phone. i feel bad for being so harsh and treating him this way and turning my back on him but it was the only way i could feel comfortable. not doing it alone and having friends around was the best advice i could get. i also think telling him my intentions helped because he seemed to know i was serious about my decision and wouldnt back down. he hold tell me that we were going to be together forever and acted likehe wouldnt let me leave but it seemed to be a threat he didnt actually keep

wastedyouth · February 11, 2017, 11:40pm

LL,

Good luck! It sounds like your handling it well and being smart. Continue to do so and be careful! I was scared to start a new life but I couldn’t have possibly done worse than I had the last time. I’ll never regret putting all those games and chaos behind me. Breaking up always sucks, but it’ll all eventually be over and you’ll be better for it.

ooomaa · February 11, 2017, 11:40pm

congrats on ending your “relationship” Lady…now that took some serious courage and it’s something to be proud of~you mentioned some things about how badly your ex is taking it and how he has started the smear campaign~every N that i’ve encountered has raged like a 2 yr. old, had to be told or messaged repeatedly to just leave me alone~they really are their majesties the babies and need to be treated like the feral children that they are~venomous, hateful and refusing to accept rejection or being ignored like any sane rational people would.~just my 2 cents; be careful and take good care…

Lor · February 11, 2017, 11:40pm

Lady,

I’m 3 days in so can easily relate and wish the best for you. It does take strength and you have shown some so far so keep it up as hard as it may be. I’ve posted a letter regarding when you consider taking him back as I am using it daily as reinforcement for my own decision. I hope it will help you. I’m beginning to wonder if I’ve offended everyone with it as only Wasted had a comment. I was blown away by it and guess I may be the only one but if it works for me that’s all that matters.

Had you tried to leave before or is this your first time? I’m curious to know if you said to him you needed time away and left the door slightly open or if you said this is it! I said I’d like no contact for a couple of months and am worried that for me this means he thinks he still has an “in” and may not yet be taking it to heart (use the term loosely). In hind sight I would have worded my message differently.

Be strong,
Reborn

ladylupine · February 11, 2017, 11:40pm

Oomah, I do not wish to be associated with you publicly or privately due to your treatment of other members.

Lor, thanks for your response. I am not tempted to take him back and I dont think i ever will be. I have had enough of this life and am VERY determined never to go back and i dont think it will be a challenge for me. I have no choice but to let go in order to survive. you havent done anything that ive seen that i think is offensive.

I have tried to leave before and have wanted to on and off throughout the course of this relationshit (ha, thats mispelling wasnt intensional though i’m not going to correct it.) I think what you sau is true for my past in that i always left the door open and a way back in and wasnt very assertive. Id always feel and say i wanted to leave but there was always a part of me that wanted to work it out and not let go.

This time is different because my soul wants to get away so bad and my mind is made up. I want out and this time im going to do something about it. My no contact plans are only temporary because i want to get settled and out before talking to him again. I was planning on doing it forever but that depends on how things turn out and how he handles the break up. I wasnt ever serious before and this time i am, and i think he actually can tell that i wont waiver this time. i think he can tell when i have doubts and i have none.

i’m not happy about what hes doing but nobody believes him. hes starting to settle down a bit and thankfully hes not coming after me or even trying to get me back.

wastedyouth · February 11, 2017, 11:40pm

Ignoring and not reacting to any of my exes behaviors did wonders for me. When she stopped getting responses she stopped trying to get them, and its worked well for others. But thats just me, you’d be wise to weigh it against other peoples experiences. I was very depressed my first two weeks out but after that I was able to look at the future positively after that… oh and two therapy sessions. Most of my bad feelings were about myself and a fear of being alone… thats what I had to deal with and not “gettig over her.” When I thought about it, there was nothing to get over. All I lost was pain and suffering. All I had to survive were my own insecurities of being my own person without somebody.

My ex did run a bit of a smear campaign but it died out quickly, cuz she knew I didn’t care anymore. Mine would do aboslutely anything for attention. Now my life is %100 drama free.

ooomaa · February 11, 2017, 11:40pm

well that’s just super and thanks for shareing ll…way to ignore all of the pages of abuse thrown at me and pathologise the victim…i’ve stood up to a few wolves in sheeps’ clothing to try and prevent others from being scammed like i was, but if you beat any dog long enough it’s going to bite and yet i’ve shown remarkable restraint in my responses to this hateful garbage, while they’ve stooped below the gutter…i apologize to noone for being attacked, ciao

samvaknin · February 11, 2017, 11:40pm

How to Cope with Narcissistic and Psychopathic Abusers

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq4.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily19.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily20.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/npdtips.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/5.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq80.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/4.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq75.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/journal56.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/journal68.html

Strategies for Coping with Abusers (General)

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse3.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse17.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse19.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse20.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse21.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse21a.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse21b.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse12.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse13.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse5.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse6.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily13.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily5.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily6.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily8.html

Working with the System and with Professionals

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily10.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily11.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily12.html

How to Cope with Stalkers and Paranoids

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse18.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse15.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse16.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily14.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily16.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily17.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily18.html

----- Original Message -----
From: “wastedyouth” npd-cpt7215@lists.careplace.com
To: palma@unet.com.mk
Sent: Friday, January 04, 2008 1:48 AM
Subject: Re: [npd] New here…

samvaknin · February 11, 2017, 11:40pm

Selecting the right professional is crucial. In the hands of an incompetent
service provider, you may end up feeling abused all over again.