uh, pretty tired at this point - mentally. I’m just so tied talking to myself, keeping intact whatever integrity remains. I suffer from anxiety attacks. It’s been very hard as I am usually quite the people’s person, I get along with many different types of people. I don’t really want to be around anybody much these days, I don’t even like occupying myself, and that I believe is the hardest thing; The world can reject me, but when I lose touch with self and all the things I love about self, it’s difficult to love whatever “this” is?! I don’t give up b/c I remember somewhat what it feels like to be me and I’m in love with that. My Dreams no longer feel like my own, it’s like someone jacked me into a DVD player, playing movies in my head and there isn’t one moment I like what I’m seeing or feeling, I don’t even enjoy feelings of happiness, as I don’t have the fullness of myself to enjoy it, rather some impostor inhabiting my vessel and pushing out everything that is me so it can experience the world in my place. . .I feel corrupted at best. I just really miss myself, and I feel like I’ve lost so much respect from family and friends, no one seems to take me seriously.
Thanks 4 the listen