Not a poem, Something i want to say


#1

I was contemplating yesterday on the many obstacles and misfortunes that have occurred in my life. Thinking about these things brought me to a couple of realizations: Since having tmau I have always been a victim. Misfortune has followed me with this condition. But why is that? Is it because I’m so desperate to look for friends where I may find? Is it because I fear to speak out against others out of fear of being ridiculed? Or that I ignore my surroundings to hold onto the little sanity and sense of relief I have left? Have I become so naive to the dangers of this world? Or have I so believed too much in what is greater than me and the greater good. If I thought about all my misfortunes in life I must realize they had begun before tmau entered my life and they will continue. To continue to dwell on the past is just another wish to die. If one can never move on, how can one live on. When I think at times of the things in my life that have hurt me to the core and made me feel less than a man, I don’t think of tmau. My greatest obstacle is not my greatest misfortune. Tmau is what I have to deal with on the day to day. But those things that have affected my character, my sense of self approval, these are all I have. To take those from me now would be a crime. To rob me of what is left of my dignity a capital offense. Now I have learned that people will say what they please and do as they may. I must not seek the approval of man for I will always fall short. I must not aspire to be what is whispered underneath the breath of many. But I must be who I am. And accept that no matter who I am and what I will become misfortune does not define me. I believe in who I am. Therefore I should decide in who I will become. What is beyond my control should not nag at my senses or stand in my desires. In the eyes of man I will always be lacking. But in my own eyes there is always an opportunity to move forward. I do not care of the past, what was said and what was done. I cannot change it now. What lies and misdeeds that have occurred to me are nothingness. Misfortune is nothingness. When I think of tmau and misfortune I know that tmau is a small part of my life. I live with it, therefore I can live through it. If it were stronger than me I would have been engulfed by it and ceased not to exist. I am greater than I have ever imagined to be and no obstacle is impossible to me. I am in the blender of life, shreeded, broken, minced, I still exist.