I wonder how people actually in N relationships,reading how people feel after parting with Ns makes them feel?
This crossed my mind the other day…i wonder if they think’oh god if i get rid ill have to go through that!"
Also…anyone who chooses to stay with their N partners, I wonder how they feel too reading about others experiences and challenges, as they accept them how they are"and love them.
Just a thought…
I didn’t have the support from this group or any other group when I left my ex-husband, I was totally on my own. I remember breaking down and calling several therapists for help, by recommendation from other therapists I found a fantastic one. It was with her guidance that helped me move ever so slowly, dealing with the ramifications from living with a Narcissist. When I read other’s stories, I find it so very fascinating, as their stories very much could be mine. There is such similarities with people who suffer from this disorder. It’s funny, I was married 23 years to my husband, but from the on-set, he was showing his “true colors.” I was thinking last night about the time when he was new at his job, and to make a long story short, I began suspecting that he was having something going on with his secretary. It was a very strong intuition, and some things that led me to believe it. The interesting “pathological” response was always, “you’re sick, you need help, you need a psychologist!” After much mental anguish and devastation over my concerns of this relationship, once my ex was promoted to a new position which meant “new building,” “new secretary,” it wasn’t until a week after his promotion and move that I learned (from a phone call to my husband’s office) that he had taken his secretary with him, with no discussion with me or concern about my feelings—typical narcissist! I did not know that then, but I was extremely taken aback from his lack of concern for me. It wouldn’t be until he was in the “replacement stage,” meaning, re-marrying in a hot minute with a brand spanking new family to replace the other “real” family (how strange but true), that I was to learn the truth from his very own mouth during a heated discussion with him on the phone, and me bringing up knowing in my heart that he cheated on me with his secretary. The week before his remarriage his exact words were, “So what, now you know!” It was easy as one to five (words), as he know longer had a need for me in his life; I was his enemy and he would be happier if I was dead. After 23 years of feeling that devastation that my husband was unfaithful proceeding the birth of our first child, I would learn the truth from his own mouth. This was just the beginning of my marriage. It would take 23 years and a lot of tollerance before I got smart and left to heal the broken wounds which take a lot of nurturing. Today, reading the words from others on this forum only enhances my understanding of this condition and the appreciation that I am not alone and that this is very real!!!
“He’d be happier if I were dead.” I can relate to that phrase. That’s the real kick in the pants. I’ve had several people in my
life that feel the same way. The one thing in common? They all wanted to “save” me and when I declined they wanted to destroy me.
I brought up that enemy theory with the last N in my life. I told him that his game doesn’t work without an enemy. I told him that all he does is create enemies so somebody else will feel sorry for him. As soon as that somebody else was no longer of service he would make an enemy out of that person. And on and on it goes.
He knew I was right but saw nothing wrong with it. “Gotta survive somehow.” He thought he was smarter then your average person.
The blessing was that after becoming his enemy, I found myself here.
mariel lee…something that you said really struck me…strong intuition.
Id like to be all if not everyone on here is vERY intuitive.
Trust your perceptions I say.
we are dragged into’their reality’a vaccum almost…sucked in consumed and spat out…that sounds like an alien abduction?!
Yeah, I think I saw that on an episode of Dr. Who. LOL The arch enemy was working on a “reality bomb” to destroy reality. I think he had a strong case of narcissism. All because nobody loved him.
did anyone feel as if the fight was to twist our reality and draw us into theirs…if you just give in and’go there"it seems that the storms calm…but its not good for’normal’people to do that…it took me ages to adjust to’my reality’afterwards!
Ohmicah and Spiral your comments are hilarious! Ohmicah I like your Dr. Who example. The reality bomb just sounds like one big joke. I like to think of it in terms of chess. You have to put your N opponent into a reality check by negating all that twisted reality crap they conjure up. Good stuff. You two have some really good comments.
The last N in my life used the chess analogy too. It was amusing to watch his thought process. He knew it was a chess game and he’d get into it. He was “in check” and knew it and would make any other devious move other then just move out of check. Just needed to show the tiniest amount of respect and do the right thing. He just couldn’t bring himself to it. He’s still in check and doesn’t want to admit it.
oh god johnp…i got a feeling when you said’like playing chess’uuug…thats how it feels…having to work out’stratergies"and make the rightmoves…cos they are looking for your bishop and you are a pawn…it also feels like a game of poker…and they have the “ace” every time…until we become good at poker of course…which takes being through N relationships.
Analogys say it all somehow!
We have all the aces now.