I wrote this below in the My Story section, so far I have met 1 very nice person who thinks I am on the wrong med’s but honestly I have tried so many different ones and none seem to help. My condition is getting worse and I feel that I am losing the battle for simple relief from this never ending nightmare…
Please if anyone has any ideas or suggestions I would be most grateful…
Thanks,
Randy
Hi,
Hello my name is Randy, I am 42 years old and I live in Middletown, CT and I do not have any family in CT, I moved here 3 years ago, as to be closer to my children. I am happily divorced but I miss my children dearly. My ex-wife has played ever single game you can think of with denying me access to my children. I have always paid my child support and provided medical, dental and vision insurance for them. But the only help I get from the Courts is the Judge telling her to stop interfering which lasts all of a month at best.
My problem that is seem to have progressed to an advanced stage of some type of social / avoidant personality disorder I think, along with panic attacks that have been more acute and frequent. I am in fear of losing my job, as during the last two months I seem to get right to the verge of a panic attack and than I actually have to leave work. I cannot continue like this, it is ripping me apart, my life is in a tail spin and I really need help. Now within the last several weeks my condition has worsened to the point where I physically get sick after eating just about anything.
I have lived a very stressful life, my father was an alcoholic who could never hold a job and used to beat my mother and my 2 sisters on a regular basis. My mother was diagnosed with ovarian cancer when she was 30 years old. She died 2 years later at the age of 32. I was 8 years old at the time. My father 2 months later just got up and left one night. Thank God my older sister knew how to call my aunt and she picked us up. I was than sent to live with my uncle and his family as my cousin was 1 year younger than me. He was relentless in making fun of me that I had no mother or father, which caused me to fight with him on a more than regular basis. After 2 years my aunt and uncle put me in foster care, and on my 16 birthday I counted that I had lived with 9 different families in 17 different houses.
I despised the fact that I was a foster kid, and I became an emancipated minor at 16. At 17 I joined the US Army in DEP (Delayed Entry Program) and worked a full time job while completing High School. I wanted to become a helicopter pilot, but I scored very high on the ASVAB test and was offered a huge bonus to join the Military Intelligence which I did, I have seen things that I am still not allowed to talk about but they pop up in my dreams and nightmares from time to time.
I have been seeing a Psychiatrist and have not been getting any relief with him, I have explained in detail what has been happening to me and I all I get is a different medications, I have been on Diazepam for years now, just 2 weeks ago I was put on Seroquel but I started have heart pains so I stopped taken it, I called his office and explained what was happening and have yet to receive a call back. Also I was given Lithium but after reading the prescription information form I became very nervous and would not take it. Now I am on Pexeva but again I am not seeing any relief with it. My hair is so long right now and I cannot even go into a barber shop to get it cut, it is so sad my friends who live in NY (where I am from) all cannnot believe what has happened to me, I was always the most outgoing and carefree guy you could meet.
I do not drink any alcohol at all, nor do I take any illegal drugs. I do smoke cigarettes and I am trying to quit but have had no luck with lasting more than an hour or so.
I am looking for a friend that can understand what I am going thru. I am a good hearted man who keeps his word and I try each and everyday to do the right thing.
Please help me to overcome this before it overcomes me.