Psychics and forward looking

Narcissistic personality disorder
#1

I dont know that I believe in psychics. I like to, so for a little while I suspend my cynicism and allow someone else to give me some mental images to place my hope in. I am afterall an artist who also “sees” things running through, underneath, behind and around our world. I just put my images into my dreams, my photography or my painting.

I’ve only been to psychics a couple times in my life before. One was nice to hear and I felt “pumped up” and ready to take on the world when I left. The second refused to take money, is used by local police and went into some kind of trance, wrote everything down on slips of paper that over the following 5 years ALL came true. (cue the theme from Twilight Zone). The 3rd 2 years ago was a lovely lady who told me plenty of bad things about my exN/S and then that someone childlike would die soon. The very next day I was asked to sit with my grandmother who was dying from a 9 yr battle with Alzheimers. (still got that Twilight Zone theme playing?)

So last night I saw someone local who came highly recommended. My specific goal was to fuel my mind with some images to look forward to, rather than those I’d been working so hard with from the past in therapy. There were a number of interesting things she told me about my romantic future (not really interesting to me since I feel so romance-aversive), but she was bang on about me more than loving my career and also feeling a pull to get my work into a gallery in the next few years (I used to exhibit but havent for almost 20 years). She doesnt know I’ve been working on a book.

But what is hanging before my eyes today like a stray hair from my bangs, is what she said about my exN/S.

  1. That like someone who is disturbed, I can feel empathy for him all I want, but I cannot cure him of his brains faulty thinking. She spoke of him as though he were schizophrenic or bipolar, of electric impulses in his mind that were “off”, and “misfiring”. An interesting way to view Nism or Sociopathy. And that as soft as my heart was and always will be for him, I cannot let him near me because he will feel driven by these “misfirings” to do things that will end up hurting me again.

well…duh

  1. and…

that he still loves me and thinks about me often, maybe even daily.

And what strikes me is, that feels more accurate than the way I’ve been thinking about him the last few years.

And it saddens me to believe, that while he is loveable, and a worthwhile human being, he really is so impaired by his disorder, than he will hurt everyone whom he feels he loves, and hurt them more than the strangers he targets…and that he probably WILL live a life of drama and pain and broken hearts.

My soft heart feels a lot of sadness about that.

Its not what I would hope for him, but then the 7 years I spent with him were not what I would hope for anyone.

Its a terrible, heart breaking thing for all of us isnt it?

and completely outside of our influence or control. All we can do is stay far away.

sad
sad
sad

#2

Love? The psychics do mention “love” when discussing these people in our lives. My psychic’s first words out of her mouth when I met her for the first time was, “What’s wrong with your husband? He’s not a very nice man…” Later, she would go on and say that he still “loves” me. But what does that word LOVE mean to them, both psychic and ex? To the psychic or the lay person, love is love is love, but to us, after we have learned everything we can about this disorder, and have been told by numerous experts that people with this disorder can NOT love, and of course their behavior does not dispute that, so then what does the psychic know that we all don’t know? What does the psychic really mean when he/she says, he still loves you?

Do I believe in psychics? You bet your “bleep” I do. I too have visited a few in the past and it has been amazing to say the least, they use names and all. I also feel that I am somewhat psychic. I often “hear” something told to me in my ear. The man in my life was first my boss, on the first week of work, (I didn’t know a hoot about him), as I walked by him in the hallway, in my left ear, a voice said (NOT MY VOICE), “You’re going to be with him!” I shuttered at what I just heard, as if everyone else had heard it too. I probably blushed as well. The voice did not say, “I’m going to be with him” and it did not sound like a voice from my own head; my voice. It was altogether different, three years later we ended up together.

I have been to James Van Praagh and John Edward, both were fascinating, and James Ban Praagh actually hit on something with me. They both have been on Larry King Live several times and have had their own shows, including a movie made about them. Through going to see James Van Praagh, I was introduced to Dr. Brian Weiss’s book, “Many Masters, Many Lives.” I read it and it was interesting. Some people will always be skeptics, however, because of what I have witnessed on my own accord (many more things have happened to me spiritually) and how true the psychic’s readings were, I do believe that people have a power to see beyond; just my opinion with some proof to back it up.

Mariel Lee

#3

I think there is a part of me that wants to believe there was something good my exN/S DID feel for me, that it wasnt all about sucking what was good out of me.

I’m at a point where I need to believe he had some goodness in his heart for me…even just a little.

yanno?

that what was previous and good in me wasnt invisible or completely wasted…not a complete waste.

#4

PHOENIXX,

I, like you, would like to believe that there was some good, honest, sincere feelings from my XNF. I know mine were sincere towards him. But then, after all I have read and learned. does that mean we are still in denial? Still a co-dependent? Does yours ever contact you? Mine does. Its still hard to remain with NC.

Love, and Blessings to everyone.

Good luck with surgery and recovery (from Boss LOL)

#5

I think its dangerous to think these things if one is not truly detached and mostly recovered. I think then these kinds of thoughts and feelings can lead to renewed hope, and letting guards down, and presenting oneself to be revictimized.

I’m not in danger of any of those things.

I credit SMG (whom I wish would post here more often these days) with helping us keep in mind that psychopaths and narcissists, while dangerous and destructive, are also still human beings ansd not monsters or demons.

Mine I doubt will ever be healthy enough psychologically to have empathy, compassion, consideration or sacrifice any of his own urges in order to protect the feelings and well being of his future wife or children. I strongly suspect he will always put his own self-centredness and sadistic urges before everyone else…but I dont want to beleive that is the sum of who he is.

I am fairly certain he did not, nor COULD he love me the way normal people love, because of that profound lack of empathy and conscience.

But I do want to believe he felt something good, something sweet, something real, even if it was fleeting, or too weak to fight against his personality disorder.

Afterall, if he was ONLY interested in using me, I doubt he’d have stayed as long as he did. He wasnt getting money or a place to live from me. And I gave him plenty of grief over that time for all of the ways in which he betrayed the relationship.

I dont think I have any illusions. But I do think ONLY demonizing a N/S can be beneficial for their victims to keep them psychologically fenced off from the fantasies, but at some point, when one feels safe enough, I think its easier to see them as human beings with some incredibly heavy duty flaws.

#6

Cricket, what surgery? who’s Boss?

#7

Girls, I am sorry to say that I don’t believe it for one minute. My opinion: What they felt was for self first. They are like camelians, they blend into the personality of. I couldn’t even imagine my ex-husband doing what he has done after our break-up. The way he changed families, that’s FAMILIES like they were always his own. He treated his wife’s children no different than his own; surface stuff. If he had one ounce, no, one millimeter of an ounce of love “his version of” then I wouldn’t have gone through what I have, nor would my sons have. He wouldn’t have given me up so quickly and started a new life seconds later. Read about Narcissistic Supply. Either they find it right away or hang on to you until they find another. Plain and simple, that’s all it is. Certainly, that’s my opinion I have derived from allllllllllllll the books, alllllllllllll the therapy, and allllllllllll the evidence.

Phoenix, you are going in the hospital? My best to you.

Mariel Lee

#8

no surgery for me

I dont know why Cricket would have suggested I was…odd

I understand what youre saying Mariel, I do. I know its what all the books and research say.

I dont know how someone who has any care can just turn their back after inflicting so much pain and ignoring pleas for mercy either, especially where children are involved. But then we’re normal. I dont think we can understand what it feels like to be inside their souls. I guess thats why I dont want to be hubristic enough to assume I know for certain my exN/S DIDNT feel something sweet and good, even if it was for just a very very short while.

#9

Those days of pretending to myself are over. I saw the sweet side to him when I was married to him for twenty-three years. They were the crumbs he threw out, which happened to have kept me going. Those “sweet-nothings” were part of the role as narcissist; nothing more and nothing less. When a man remarries a woman he hardly knows so quickly after a long-term marriage, claiming he’s “in love” again, and takes on her children as his own, disregarding his own childrens’ feelings, certainly tells me that this man lacks compassion, empathy, love, and responsibility to say the least. His wife, certainly has her own issues, when she divorced what seems to be a very similar character like that of my ex-husband, goes ahead and marries him in a hot minute, tells me that she has a screw loose somewhere. They are both successful people, and I think that “success” in the eyes of these people, enhances that entitlement, better than everyone else feeling. This woman is classic as well. Either she too is borderline narcissistic, or the projections done onto her, have created that image. Either way you look at it, it’s not love, so very sad to say.

#10

One of the things I liked so much about what SMG brought to the discussions here was her compassion as well as her recognition of the need to protect herself whenever she posted about N’s.

I’ve visited a number of other forums over the past few months, since CP became FF and so much more difficult to use. I was on one forum where N’s and S’s were considered psychopaths who are reptilian aliens from another planet. Another considers them vampires with invisible psychic cords they have attached to you. You’ve read many posts here too that describe them as devils. And while I can understand the comfort that demonizing N/S’s brings, because in the end they are so unlike us - that doesnt fit my view of the world before I met mine. I dont need to let everyone who wants to love me, into my life. I also dont need to let everyone I love into my life either.

Its not my intention to fight with anyone here about what they believe, I’m just saying, I’m Ok with believing my exN/S is not without some redeeming qualities or worth as a human being. And one of those is that damaged little boy who once had the capacity to love a mother who injured him…I think that inner little boy also loved me.

It doesnt feel like pretending to me, as much as the phase where I demonized my ex last year seemed like pretending.

It actually feels compassionate and realistic.

But its also me, where I am, what I think. Its nothing I’m trying to convince anyone else of.

#11

Me either----just my own opinion, and I wish it were not the case and that I was wrong. To this day, he still finds every way to punish me, however, it’s more difficult than in the past.

#12

I hear ya. As madly in love as I was, and as much as I wanted that baby, in the end I have to say I’m so relieved that the marriage didnt happen because I believe I’d have the same on-going power struggles as you, and with a child in the mix, my heartbreak would be endless, not for me, but for him/her.

I’m sorry you have to keep going through it.

#13

My N. was the result of a Somatic N. mother and a Cerebral N. father. He didn’t stand a chance. He has a gay sister and an alcholic brother. Can you spell dysfunctual family. I’ve only been to a psychic once. She started out with the name “Anne”. That was his mothers name. I know of no other. Then she asked me why the year 2006 was so happy for me. Duh That’s the year I lived with him. By then she had me wondering. Do N’s have feelings? Mine didn’t. And I don’t mean just concerning me. He hadn’t spoken to his two daughters in over 20 years. Didn’t seem to care either. A close fellow worker died and they had a memorial for him. They had it outside and I didn’t know where he dissapeared to. Come to find out when it was over that he went inside a car restoring museum to look at the cars. He was just to empty. I moved 1500 miles away from him and he’s still calling and texting me. He just won’t let go. He has the looks and charisma to have any woman. Do I feel sorry for him? I feel sorry for the little boy in him. I’ve seen it so many times. It’s sad to think that someone has to go through their whole life as he does. Finding beautiful, shaping them into his concept, tearing them down ,then discarding them . Over and over again, he does this. It’s his whole object in life. Month after month, year after year. Punishing every woman for the faults and misgivings of his mother and or father. The one thing we women ask for is love. That’s the one thing he can’t give us. Sad, so sad. :frowning: