Psychological aspects - can anyone help?

I found out that my husband has infertile semen 3 weeks ago. We had been trying to conceive for a little over a year before this. We are in the process of doing more tests and waiting for results to see if there is any chance of a biological child together.

Everyone I am close to ( 4 close friends and my sister) is either pregnant or just had a baby, and I am getting ready to turn 30, so I am feeling really anxious and scared. A childfree life does not feel like it will ever be an O.K. option for me, and I don’ t think my husband would choose adoption. I am not sure how he feels about a asperm donor because he does not want to talk about this. He seems to be able to take this 1 day at a time and go about his normal routine almost entirely unaffected. He does not seem to understand how I feel, and being emotionally supportive has never been a strength of his.

I, on the other hand, have been kind of depressed (over not getting pregnanat) since September 2006 and seriously depressed since this Christmas. Since we got the results of the semen analysis, I have been sleeping for about 2 hours in the night and then waking up in a panic and not being able to go back to sleep for several hours or not been able to fall asleep for hours of lying there.

I have no energy, I do not enjoy doing anyhthing, and I feel like nothing at all matters. We even planned a vacation, and I don’t even feel excited about it. I feel hopeless and like nothing will ever be all right or I will never feel happy ever again. I know these are symptoms of depression and insomnia, but I am not sure if I should see a doctor about this or not.

How long do I give myself to grieve? Also, I’ve had a bad experience with an antidepressant when I was a teenager, and I do not believe a therapist can say anything that will make this situation all right.

Has anyone experienced this who can tell me what they did? Does anyone have any suggestions for what to do? I feel like I can not deal with this (these symptoms) anymore.

I am currently out of the office until Tuesday May 9th. If your matter can not wait, please e-mail or call 866-828-7420 and ask for Nettie or Renee for assistance.

Thank you,
Judy Closs

Dear Mil,

I am very sorry that your husband doesn’t feel the need to talk to you about this issue. I think you should see a doctor and a therapist regarding the symptoms of depression. I think in this situation you should probably go to a family counselor with your husband. A therapist alone can’t give you the answers or make a decision on things like sperm donation or adoption for you. You and your husband will have to work on this together.
I guess he is probably more upset about being sterile than what he shows. A lot of man are uncomfortable showing or talking about their emotions. My husband was very upset the first time I brought up a semen analysis. It seems like a guy thing. My husband is, however, willing to talk to me about this problem. We are suffering from unexplained infertility. We do have a great daughter who will be 3 in July, so we will probably not go for any invasive treatments. I understand that you don’t want to give up on having a child and I hope that things will work out for you.
Good luck!

HI, My husband and I having been trying for awhile. We haven’t had his semen tested yet but that will come soon. I like you have been depressed about this. Here is the thing you have to understand about men. They internalize EVERYTHING. While your husband might not seemed bothered by the situation it does not mean he isn’t. Even if he doesn’t open up about it try being supportive I mean his sperm not being any good is a major let down for him it would be for anyman. Let him know that he still matters to you and try to take the immediate focus off a child and place it on your relationship. Far too many times do we have our priorities straight. It’ll also help keep the stress down if you focus on something else for awhile. I know my husband for awhile (he didn’t tell me) was upset because he though all I cared about was having a baby and not him. I don’t know if this helps but I tried to let my experience help you. Take care and try to relax. Let me know how it goes.