the holidays have been hard for my family, we were going through he ornaments to put on the tree yesterday, a nd we picked a some that my dad made last year on his new lathe, he was so excited he didn’t know he was sick then! I wanted to see him walking out of the wood shop holding up his little ornaments he was so proud of, he was a good wood worker. its almost unreal, whenever would have dreamed he wouldn’t be here this year, he always makes the home made bread at thanksgiving, (I made it for him this year) but it just didn’t even taste the same, “it just wasn’t his” His stocking was there in a box in the attic, something so simple can hurt to see it. We chose not to put it up this year, after all, he is probably having a celebration in heaven with a new stocking of gold or something, it doesn’t make it hurt less for us, but i know he wouldn’t want to leave there now!Its amazing how much small things make a person who they are. just like the ornaments, they all share a memory of him, I wish i could make him be here, i want to argue with him, I want my mom to be happy, I want the life we all had before pancreatic cancer was ever mentioned! who would have known? I wish he could have made it til Christmas
Hi There,
Thanks for asking about Gary. His problems started about eight months before he got the diagnosis of PC. November of 2006, routine bloodwork showed that he was very anemic and losing blood somewhere. We weren’t surprised as he had been increasingly tired and his energy seemed to have been zapped the couple of months prior to that.
The doctor started him on quite large doses of iron and a number of tests were set up. He had three gastroscopes (scope down the throat into the stomach) … the initial one showed that he had a polyp in his stomach, the second was to remove it and the third to see how the healing was going. It also showed that he had an ulcer, which explained the increasing nausea and vomiting he had been experiencing.
A couple of months later he had a colonoscopy and two polyps were removed … both benign.
Bloodwork improved with the addition of the iron, but his energy continued to decrease. Catscans were done, untrasounds (showed spots on the liver), x-rays and all the while his pain level kept increasing, appetite decreasing and the weight began dropping off.
Both of Gary’s parents had PC … and they are discovering that this cancer can run in families. They did an enhanced (with dyes) catscan of the pancreas and that showed there was a quite large area of the pancreas involved with cancer. It is Stage 4, and he probably had it for more than a year before the diagnosis was made.
Appointments were made with specialists and the reports were the same … late stage PC, he “could” have chemo and/or radiation if he insisted, but that wouldn’t improve the outcome, add any time or quality to his life. So, he opted to not have those done.
He takes 2 times daily doses of long-acting morphine, along with 10 gr aspirin and also has additional morphine for the “breakthrough pain”.
We have Extra Mural nurses coming to the house and I set up his IVs along with giving some of the IV meds that he needs.
Gary has alot of back pain and the physical therapist has left a TENS machine with us to use during times of pain. It has been quite effective along with the meds to get the pain back under control.
He has alot of problems with his stomach and bowels and we have IV Gravol for the stomach and a variety of meds to use for his bowels. It seems they flux back and forth from chronic constipation to diarrhea and lots of pain from the gas. This all affects his appetite, so the better we can keep ahead of those problems, the more able he is to eat and keep the food down.
It is very rare that he is completely pain free, but for the moment his pain is tolerable with the meds he has. He also has had times of out-of-control pain and multiple combinations are used until the pain is once again under control. The morphine is notorious for causing constipation also and the gravol tends to make him tired and sleepy, but I would rather have him napping and halfway comfortable than to be in constant pain.
Sometimes all we can do is take a deep breath and keep on going AND we have to take care of ourselves or we’re not any good to those we love.
Diane
I am so sorry for your loss. I am thankful that my wife
will be here this Christmas. It is her favorite holiday. She
is originally from New York. She has often said that she would
like to take me back to New York City to experience the
town during the week or two leading up to Christmas. I told
her next year we will have to do that…something to shoot for.
Kyle
=========
Desflink wrote:
I’m so sorry for your loss. Each of us has to walk the path of grieving and in time some of those memories that are so painful now will become very cherished in our minds. Be gentle with yourself and keep in close contact with your mom … she very much needs your support right now too.
Thank you for asking about Gary. He had a period of time with increased pain, but the last couple of weeks have been more comfortable for him. He continues to grow weaker, but at least has a tolerable level of pain and has been sleeping a little better. I’m afraid to let my guard down though because we all know how quickly things can change.
Wishing you and your family a blessed Christmas season. I’ll be keeping you in my prayers.
Diane
thats funny my dad was from new york also he was from binghamton ny he was military though and so he met my mom in kingsbay georgia, and he was with us for about 20 years, he is really my step dad but i consider him dad, i am from florida and now live in ga. but i live on the on the fl ga line. so yeah he missed the snow sometimes too, however he never mentioned going home one last time, although it hasntbeenthat long scince he visited,his dad dies 1 yr ago too with pancreaic cancer, they died exactly 1 year apart from the same thing wierd huh? well, I hope and pray you make it next year to see christmas in new york again, I will pray for your wife!
To: desflink@hotmail.com> From: pancreatic-cancer-cpt6915@lists.careplace.com> Subject: Re: [pancreatic-cancer] sad, and missing my dad> Date: Tue, 27 Nov 2007 03:23:46 -0500> >
I do understand about the pain, my dad was in severe pain thatwasso hard to see, however he began to really have pain, and thats how he found out at the end of april, before that he thought maybe he had ulcer b/c it wasnt bad pain, but hten it hit and when it did it was bad. he was diagnosed then he had a nerve block done for the pain a week later.
It only worked a week, it took alot to getthe pain under control. and it took a combination ofthings, morhine patches alone didnt help,
I guess i should be thankful he is pain free now huh? He didnt suffer long, 2 months after diagnosis he passed away, I took care of him at home for the last few weeks, and we had the pain pretty well under control, butit did mean he was pretty out of it, he always woke in the morning ( when he could sleep) and got in his chair and tryed sleeping sitting in the chair all day so he would be up with us, until the last week then one night i helped him to bed early b/che was uncomfortable and tired, and he never got back up, Icould look at this allas blessing he is not still suffering at christmas,
I just miss him, andit changes a person to take care of someone like that! I tink you become more humble to life, thanks foryour reply,
Tell me about your husband, how long has he known? what stage? andwhat are you using to control pain?
we tried everything and there something that will work, usually withusit would quit working after afew weeks and we had to move to something else,
Not really. There are genetic causes of pancreatic cancer so
it would be wise to check out if there is a genetic link. All other
members of your family may be at risk for it as well if that is the
case. There is more than one genetic abnormality that can
predispose individuals to pancreatic cancer. Check it out.
Kyle
========
Desflink wrote: