I posted on here while feeling very depressed. Then with help I got better. I decided to stop my medication because I was tired of taking it. I wanted to “be like everyone else” and felt that taking medication made me too different. I wanted to know the secret of those other folks who don’t take medicine and don’t suffer from depression.
After nearly a month of no medication I lost most of my functioning. I had isolated myself from everyone, even my children. I no longer was able to do anything but come home from work (yes - I still went to work) and sit in a chair. Then I realized I could no longer read or concentrate enough to watch tv or anything else. Then I realized that while sitting in the chair doing nothing, I was crying. It just happened and I didn’t see it coming until I was in the middle of it. At this point, I felt no one could help me. Something made me call my doctor though and I asked for an appointment. Fate conspired to give me an appointment not only that same day but in a matter of hours (I didn’t ask for that they just offered). So I went and my doctor and I argued about me taking medication. Her explaining to me that I would probably have to take it my whole life - me resisting with everything I had. But in the end, I’m back on medicine - Seroquel and Lamictal. Feeling very defeated and useless. Hating that fact that I have to take that stuff. Oh I know how people with high blood pressure or diabetes have to take medications but 1. they can exercise and change their diet to get off medicine and 2. that medicine doesn’t change who they fundamentally are. How they feel and see things. I want to be me but I want to be me without chemical help. I just feel angry and defeated that’s all. Thanks for “listening”.
I’m so glad you went to your doctor when you did.
Please don’t ever go off medication without your doctor’s advice, as we would not want to lose you. Your children need you most of all.
I understand what you are saying about medications, and it’s taken me quite some time to deal with it. But I have decided I would rather be alive, and doing better (even the most minimum definition of better), on medications, than gone from this planet completely. Without medications, severely depressed people (and others) are putting their very lives at risk.
Once I decided to concentrate on that thought, I was able to deal with this whole “ordeal” much better.
Welcome back - I hope you feel better and more hopeful with each passing day!
I don,t consider meds an ordeal. I just have a deep seated aversion to taking ANY med. I recently stopped taking my meds to see if my edema would improve.(With doctors supervision) Drugs have some unpleasent side effects and I wanted to see what was causing the problem. Well its not the psychiatric drug because the edema hasn,t improved. Its a process of elimination.I,ll now go back on my chem. imbalance med. I also take meds for other conditions including lipitor, metformin, actos,buvex, cardizem,thyroxine, and allergy med.I also sleep with a full face mask for sleep apnea.I usually awake after two hours with the mask farting full blast from me dislodging it.Of course I am usually awake for the rest of the night , trying to adjust the darn thing on my face. I look like swamp woman from the deep/ I scare the cats and dogs.
I,m going for an echo-cardiogram on friday and having my blood tested for other things. Right now my edema is raging, so I,m trying to detect the cause. I don,t use salt and my sugar readings are good.My BP is fine and my thyroid med is at the right dosage.I go for blood tests every 6 months since I have a history of cancer. The screenings are fine.Sometimes I think we all become frustrated and just want to be well . But you have to do some things in life that we don,t like to maintain a balance of health… I agree with Time to Heal. We have to compromise in order to function.
I do know how you feel though. Its an "oh well, situation " and we have to learn to deal with it. warm hugs , gramms
I have been depressed on & off for 20 years. The first two major episodes (years apart) resulted in medication, but I was able to get off the meds in between the episodes. But the 3rd time I was so depressed that it was hard for me to function, I went to my doctor & accepted that I will probably be on meds for life.
If you think about it, it isn’t so hard to take a pill or three every day (I always do a vitamin tab & have been taking blood pressure medication since I was 19). Of course, if you are having side effects, this changes the picture. But I did not settle on a medication until I had little or no side effects & also felt less depressed.
I fought being on depression medication for many years, but when I got over feeling like I was at fault for being depressed & realized that the medication made me feel more like myself, I was able to be at peace with it.
Do take care of yourself!!
That is the worse thing anyone with depression can do. It’s very important to always take your meds. I really do know how you feel and the feeling sucks 
If you want we can talk. Stay safe 
I am sorry that I did not reinforce what others here at CP did!! Never go off your meds without your doctor’s supervision! If you don’t get weaned off the meds with your MD’s program, it could literally be the end of you!
Sending you support!!
It is so common for a depressed person to go off the meds when he or she feels better, just to go back to depression when the effects wear off. I know that it sucks to HAVE to take medication, but I have to and I don’t think twice about it. I would NEVER go off medication unless it was approved by my doctor. I have been on meds for so long, it is a part of my life, like taking a shower every day; i don’t mind because I can live a normal life. I am a Social worker. i know that i could not do this and not be on medication. This is not the only reason that I am 90% depression free. I find that helping other people, helps me. Also, the more I get out, the better I feel. I know what depression feels like and how it affects me and the people around me, and given the choice, I am taking the medication. It does not make you or me or anyone else “less than” anyone else in this world. You do not know the problems that anyone else is dealing with that you may think are normal, or so-called normal. Think of it this way and it may make you feel normal. i hope that this helps you to feel a bit better and hopefully you will soon feel lots better about YOURSELF. With all my support, Karen
HELLO EVERYONE . YOU KNOW THE WAY I SEE IT IS I WOULD RATHER NOT TAKE ZOLOFT BUT I WENT OFF IT AND WOW WHAT A DEPRESSION I HAD. I WAS SO SCARED I GOT ANIZATY. THAN I NEEDED CLONIPIN. I WENT BACK ON ZOLOFT AND WILL NEVER GO OFF IT MYSELF EVER AGAIN. I ONLY TAKE 100 MILS A DAY SO I CAN DO THAT. I FEEL LIKE I AM MORE ME ON THE MEDS THAN WHEN I’M OFF THEM. I CAN THINK BETTER. FEEL HAPPY, WANT TO GO OUT AND HAVE FUN ETC. WHO WANTS TO SIT IN THE HOUSE AND FEEL LIKE CRAP WHEN YOU CAN STAY ON YOUR PILLS AND HAVE FUN WITH LIFE. AND THATS MY STORY. LOL
Oh I am not doing good today. I am just not doing good. I am so anxious but I don’t know why. I just feel terrible. I don’t know what to do. I am out of doctor therapist visits for this calendar year due to my insurance. I feel as though I want to go hide. I can’t think or work. I am here at work. I don’t know how to explain this and I am ashamed I feel this way. I feel as though I am so stupid I have no control over my own emotions. I don’t want to feel this way. I am tired of being like this. I just feel so bad the inside of my body is shaking.
Thank you all for caring so much.
I did go again to my doctor because the meds I was on were really bothering me. So now I am on Lamictal, Abilify, Restoril and Cogentin. So far so good. I know I need to take them and I’m going to try to do it everyday until it becomes “second nature” to me to.
Glad to know how you are doing. I feel similarly. I
don’t want to take prescription medicine. I am sick
of it too. But right now I am on a stable cocktail of
3 in the day and 2 at night. I hope to be able to
eventually transition to taking herbs, supplements and
vitamins instead. But until t hen, I try to be
grateful for the stable mood. I know how you feel.
Good luck with acceptance. I know when I went off
after about 1-2 months I broke down and was crying all
the time. I couldn’t get out of the depression
"hole." It is much better now. I can see my friends
and go to school. Good luck, Sea. PLease keep us posted!
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Well, welcome back. It’s nice to have a “family” to come back to for support when having an episode like this, huh? I have the same urge you do to go off my medicine. I did it once by accident—I know sounds impossible, but I had all my medicine lined up in a row and that one had somehow gotten pushed back, and I didn’t even notice. I knew I felt kinda weird–obviously from just stopping it, but hey, I’m just a weird person sometimes, so I blew it off until I realized what had happened and I went back on my meds because if for no other reason, I knew my doctors would have my butt and I didn’t want to hear them lecturing me. I did tell them, and of course, my husband stressed, “Hmm, I’ll bet that would have never happened with your pain meds.” Darn right, it wouldn’t, but it wasn’t intentional…and occasionally, I bring up the chance of going off the meds when I’m seem to be doing well emotionally, but they shut me down quickly…so I too am afraid I’m doomed for it the rest of my life, but we’ll see. The depression got so bad with the pain, so maybe if I could get the pain manageable, then they would at least let me try it or reduce my dose. I sympathize with you, but I would also stress that you should never quit taking it without your doctor’s helping you taper off and supervise you, etc…as it can cause seizures and other scary things if you just stop, so although not our favorite activity, please know there are so many others like you that hate the medicine and take it out of necessity just like you, so you’re not alone and if it makes you better and helps you function, then it’s almost like breathing, especially so you can be there for your children even more and enjoy them and let them have you there in every way.
One day, I hope they come out with a new anti-depressant that doesn’t cause all the side effects and can work better for us in our lives, but they do keep coming up with new meds and some work for others and not for everyone, so it’s a big challenge. I’m glad you got in to see the doctor right away and hope you start feeling better soon.
we all need to hang the following on our walls, in real real big red letters:
I FEEL BETTER BECAUSE THE MEDS ARE WORKING.