Scholarly Literature is unanymous: ALL narcissists abuse, one way or the other

Narcissistic personality disorder
#1

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual IV-TR (2000), published by the
American Psychiatric Association (APA), has this to say about narcissists on
pages 714-6 (this is a very partial list):

“(Narcissists are) furious (when not catered to) … overwork (people)
without regard for the impact on their lives … (are) contemptuous and
impatient with others … oblivious to the hurt their remarks may inflict
… the needs, desires, and feelings of others are likely to be viewed (by
the narcissist) disparagingly as signs of weakness or vulnerability …
(Narcissists display) emotional coldness and lack of reciprocal interest …
Harshly devalue the contributions of others … (Narcissists) are arrogant,
haughty, snobbish, disdainful, or patronizing … React with disdain, rage,
or defiant counterattack … Interpersonal relationships are typically
impaired due to problems derived from entitlement … and the relative
disregard for the sensitivities of others …”

And so on for 3 pages. Sounds like abusive behavior to me. nad this is the
DSM - the bible of the mental health profession.

The vast majority of scholars, in numerous studies, have repeatedly reached
the following conclusions:

Not all abusers are narcissists - but ALL narcissists are abusers.

Often, the abuse that narcissists mete out is not intentional. It is merely
owing to their lack of empathy, grandiose fantasies, tendency to
confabulate, etc. The very diagnostic criteria for Narcissistic Personality
Disorder amount to a description of an abuser. Both narcissists - and
abusers - lack empathy, have a low threshold of frustration due to a sense
of entitlement (rage attacks), are “interpersonally exploitative”, arrogant
and haughty, and envious.

Narcissists are abusive by their very nature. Their abusive conduct CAN be
successfully modified, though. Their behavior CAN be rendered
socially-acceptable and non-harmful to their human environment.

There are virtually no studies that support different conclusions. Over the
last 11 years, I have assembled a library of close to 400 books about
narcissism and thousands of articles, papers, tapes, and research reports.
With one or two exceptions, they all say the same. I have met with or
corresponded with close to 1000 therapists, social workers, psychiatrists,
and psychologists from dozens of countries. They all agree: narcissists are
abusers.

A cursory review of literature online also reveals the same pattern: all
narcissists tend to abuse people in a variety of ways. Narcissists are
abusers by nature.

From the scholarly literature

(Google scholar is a search engine for scholarly literature)

STATISTICS

http://scholar.google.com/scholar?hl=en&lr=&q=statistics+narcissism+partner+abuse

http://scholar.google.com/scholar?hl=en&lr=&q=statistics+narcissist+partner+abuse

http://scholar.google.com/scholar?hl=en&lr=&q=statistics+narcissist+domestic+violence

GENERAL

http://scholar.google.com/scholar?hl=en&lr=&q=narcissist+abuser

http://scholar.google.com/scholar?hl=en&lr=&q=narcissistic+abuser

#2

I feel linked-to-death already so my eyes glaze over whenever I see them anymore, however

the cutting and pasting is constructive and interesting information.

#3

The first thing I would be inclined to ask myself is what is so vitally, barely sub-tantrum important to you about “proving” that “all Narcissist are abusive” that you got up at 7:30 to do it?

After all, all you need to “prove” to be able to exploit victims as you do is that some of them are?

So you must have a different, more personal reason. I wonder what that is?

While I think about that, lets examine your false premise this time.

DSM IV TR, which you are quoting selectively and out of context, and, if your past form is anything to go by, perhaps even making up off the top of your head on the assumption (after cautiously checking last night) that no one would have a copy to check, is not referring to “the Narcissist”, it is referring to Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

The term “Narcissist” is a misnomer in itself, depending on how philosophical you want to get, because we ALL have Narcissism, it is a vital component in normal human nature, which you, as a self appointed online guru (rolling eyes), should know PARTICULARLY WELL.

So, in a sense, we are all “the Narcissist” and you can make the argument that all people are abusive at some time…which is true, just not abnormally so. But there is still no profession, hobby or disease that sets apart some people especially as “The Narcissist” in any real sense, except as a buzz word for you to propagate.

In that sense you certainly can technically postulate that “all Narcissists are abusive” but, in that sense, the only appropriate answer is:

BIG DEAL

Truth is that all people who fit criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder or Pathological Narcissism have the same choice anyone else does, day by day, minute by minute, about whether to be abusive or not, and some of them do their very best to make that choice the right way.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Pathological Narcissism are just symptomatic scales applied as the opinion of the diagnostician in terms of established medical and academic standards, not viruses or measurable congenital defects. There is no hard “cut off line” between having Narcissistic Personality Disorder or Pathological Narcissism, and not having them.

You have never really focussed on that point either, have you Sam? Doesn’t it suit you?

But let’s get back to the first point now, why the statement “all Narcissists are abusive” is important enough to you to get you up at 7:30am.

As I keep making the point, nobody knows what goes on inside someone else’s head, and I am quite certain (and rather relieved, to be honest) that I have no idea what goes on inside yours, but I think the otherwise superfluous statement “all narcissists are abusive” is SO vital to you because you are still trying to find a way to convince yourself that you are not truly responsible for any of the truly terrible things you have done in your life, and continue to do as a way of life, by convincing yourself that “Narcissism” is responsible, and the poor little Samvak underneath still has ALL his innocence intact.

That is bllsht. Every terrible thing you have ever done was a conscious choice you made that, equally consciously, disregarded the needs, rights and wellbeing of others (to put it mildly), and your sole, conscious, responsibility.

GD

#4

Thank you, Phoenix. I will do my utmost to keep it this way in all my future
posts.

Sam

----- Original Message -----
From: “thephoenix101” npd-cpt6542@lists.careplace.com
To: palma@unet.com.mk
Sent: Monday, October 29, 2007 11:06 AM
Subject: Re: [npd] Scholarly Literature is unanymous: ALL narcissists abuse,
one way or the other

#5

I told my Ns that I will not be going to DR for Christmas because I
want the security of home this year.
Not because I think it is grandiose, manic, bizarre and anti-tradition.

No one ever ASKED me to go to the DR, they told me. Just like N’s
do. They want to play golf and I don’t play golf. I will tend to the
children. Plus the fact that THEY LIED to me for 7 months and
thought nothing of it. I must stand tall and not curl into fetal
position.
On Oct 29, 2007, at 8:10 AM, samvaknin wrote:

#6

I told my Ns that I will not be going to DR for Christmas because I
want the security of home this year.
Not because I think it is grandiose, manic, bizarre and anti-tradition.

No one ever ASKED me to go to the DR, they told me. Just like N’s
do. They want to play golf and I don’t play golf. I will tend to the
children. Plus the fact that THEY LIED to me for 7 months and
thought nothing of it. I must stand tall and not curl into fetal
position.
On Oct 29, 2007, at 8:10 AM, samvaknin wrote:

#7

Incidentally Sam,

Most of the English speaking world PREFERS to spell “unanimous” with an “i” and uses it to mean “all, without exception” - something you have announced, then failed to demonstrate.

GD

#8

My dear Sam Vaknin,
first of all I do have to tell, thank you so much, for opening my eyes and helping me with your book to understand how Ns operate.
I personally believe that you are absolutely honest with everything you are telling about Ns. I lived with Ns up until a year and a half ago.
No kidding, you put it all out in the open, for anyone who seeks answers to find it. Which caused me to jump to the conclusion that if you have enough compassion to educate victims of Ns about Ns, then there must be hope for the rest of the Ns. And yet, everything in your book informed me otherwise.
So here are the questions:
Are you actually not a N and just pretending to be one?
Or are you the most brilliant N, coming up with the genius idea, to educate people about yourself and the likes of you with absolute honesty, in exchange of having an unlimited NS right at your finger tips?
Lets face it, being a member of the care place and the author of the most read book here, has to be N heaven. Tortured souls, broken dreams, desperation, false hopes for their Ns, pain, hurt and venerable, destroyed self confidence,… the list goes on and on.
Just trying to clear up a mayor contradiction here.
Gypsy

#9

Dear Gypsy,

Thank you for your kind (?) words …:o))

I have been diagnosed with NPD twice within 10 years in 2 different
countries.

“to educate people about yourself and the likes of you with absolute
honesty, in exchange of having an unlimited NS right at your finger tips.”

It’s a fair representation of what I am doing and of my motivation.

Take care there!

Sam

----- Original Message -----
From: “gypsy” npd-cpt6542@lists.careplace.com
To: palma@unet.com.mk
Sent: Monday, October 29, 2007 6:27 PM
Subject: Re: [npd] Scholarly Literature is unanymous: ALL narcissists abuse,
one way or the other

#10

I see we now have consensus on the spelling of “unanimous”.http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/5158
Isn’t that nice?

But still nothing like realistic evidence for the statement.

“to educate people about yourself and the likes of you with absolute
honesty, in exchange of having an unlimited NS right at your finger tips.”

It’s a fair representation of what I am doing and of my motivation.

You might find the “absolute honesty” thing went a lot more smoothly and carried far more conviction if you stayed in the same ball park as the facts?

Just an idea.

GD

(Tech -note) Edited because the post actually lost a quote and acquired a horizontal scroll bar in the middle when posted in “advanced mode” in Firefox, now recreating in “simple”)

#11

Thanks Sam,
I knew I could count on you.
Gypsy

#12

Sam,

You REALLY walked into that.

helpless merriment

GD

#13

Yes, “unanimous” comes from the Latin, “of one soul”, not from the Greek, “of one name”.

I should know because I have a degree from a prestidigitous university.

blitzen npd-cpt6542@lists.careplace.com wrote:Incidentally Sam,

Most of the English speaking world PREFERS to spell “unanimous” with an “i” and uses it to mean “all, without exception” - something you have announced, then failed to demonstrate.

GD

Rene

Do You Yahoo!?
Tired of spam? Yahoo! Mail has the best spam protection around
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#14

Guys, where’s your sense of humor? Trust me that I know how to spell
unanimous. Hell, even my e-mail speller check knows how to spell the word.

I meant to combine unanimous with anonymous. Thought it would placate
Susiejo and her ilk… (laughing)

Sam

----- Original Message -----
From: “mercenary” npd-cpt6542@lists.careplace.com
To: palma@unet.com.mk
Sent: Thursday, November 01, 2007 2:21 AM
Subject: Re: [npd] Scholarly Literature is unanymous: ALL narcissists abuse,
one way or the other

#15

No you didn’t…

You were so eager to give false validation to your own nonsense that you committed the same kind of basic spelling error you love to ridicule in others.

GD

#16

Blitz you’re so vindicative.

blitzen npd-cpt6542@lists.careplace.com wrote:You were so eager to give false validation to your own nonsense that you committed the same kind of basic spelling error you love to ridicule in others.

Rene

Do You Yahoo!?
Tired of spam? Yahoo! Mail has the best spam protection around
http://mail.yahoo.com

#17

Who, moi?

GD

#18

Sam, Do I really get under your skin that bad? Wonder why?