Setting boundaries

Narcissistic personality disorder
#1

My N is on the pursuit again, as I expected. He pulled away and I let him and now he is slowly beginning his trek back, as he always does. It is like a yo-yo, back and forth and I get sick and dizzy from the crazy ride.

Anyway, he came over on Saturday night, which is extremely unusual for him. i always go to his house because my son is here and we cannot have privacy, plus he has never shown interest in being with me in my own home environment. It is just something I always accepted. But now he knows i am pulling away, so he is uncharacteristically going out of his way to spend time with me.

The difference is that now I see clearly what is going on… I would cut him off completely, but that has never worked. I always go back, so this time I decided to watch and observe how this plays out. So he came over and went with me and #3 son out to dinner. Then when #2 son came home, the four of us all talked and laughed, listening to music for a while. Again, i just watched. So he called me on Sunday and Monday to tell me what a “great” time he had… actually went on and on about it. Again, i just listen and observe. Then he says, let’s go out next weekend. I hesitate. He says, just think about it.

So, it is time to set some strong boundaries. It is the boundaries that will eventually end this thing. To set my boundary i will say: we are not close anymore, not intimate in a sharing way…i don’t feel connected to you anymore and because of that we have grown apart. i need more in a relationship and i know that you don’t want that and I absolutely will not sleep with anyone unless we are committed and exclusive. So, i cannot go out with you next weekend. ( i have never spoken these words clearly to him in the past because i felt that in doing so, it would end. Now I am ready for it to end)

I think that the problem with many of us here, myself included, is that at the beginning of our relationships, we set very few boundaries. So now i am learning how to do that and i really believe that he will get so sick of hearing these things that he will move on in his own way.

#2

Hi Lucia,

Just sending you my best wishes and support. You are doing the right thing and you are being really really strong. I am glad you feel ready to make this decision. Hopefully you will feel liberated and free in the future.

Emx

#3

Thanks, Em. I greatly appreciate your support as i grow and learn.

I have been reading several posts and i feel bad to see people bashing each other on this website. This is a place where there should be some acceptance and understanding, a place where we can shed light on the truth. Each of us is in a different place and that is OK. Hope is in a place where I used to be, and not too long ago at that.

The difference between her and me is that I wouldn’t have posted my feelings on this website because I know the pain it would cause the people who are struggling so much with this. But she, even in her name, has all of the hope in the world that this relationship will work out. we have all been there, haven’t we? I feel badly for her because as i went back and read her story, I saw that she has been through hell and back already. When will it stop for her? That is not for any of us to say.

I think that the best thing we can all do here is share our own feelings about what has happened, or is happening with us. The narcissists in our lives have wreaked havoc, including the N in Hope’s life. That is the truth. We are all struggling with it in our own ways: mamolie, by trying to stay and hold her family together; hope, by trying to stay and be happy; myself, by trying to set strong boundaries that will ultimately end this on its own; sam, by spreading the word on narcissism, but also getting supply while doing it; NB, by trying his best to appear sincere and good on a website where he is bound to also receive some supply for his efforts. We all have our own motivation for being here.

I hope that all of us find peace and that peace may not come all at once. Let’s take the time to look for it in our lives on a daily basis, whether we are still with our N’s or not.

#4

bumping real NPD related post

GD

#5

I think setting boundaries with N’s and abusive types is VERY important!

Merry Christmas.

#6

That is correct Trisha, that is why I blocked you last night - like an N, you cross the boundaries and persist like a nat.

#7

Setting boundaries…Setting absolutely unacceptable
limitations…more like it…

By the way everyone, this is really funny…You know how we talked
about “bad gifts” from N’s?
My bro gave me a cutting board for XMAS…AFTER HE PURLOINED AN
ANTIQUE FOR $50,000 for his projector screen TV, I GET A CUTTING
BOARD. I know WHINE WHINE…But I thought that it was
really funny. My husband was STUNNED. REGIFT!!

HAPPY HAPPY…Love, RETARDO MONTOBAN…

#8

reach deep and find your beauty Blitziejo

rejoice in your spirit

its Christmas

did you smile at anyone while you were out today? did you ask a child what they wanted for Christmas? hold the door for someone?

I bet you did…and I bet you got a smile back didnt you?

see? its not lethal…its actually nice…much nicer than being a toxin.

Try it again tomorrow…maybe even do it twice.

Merry Christmas Suz-gay-jo

#9

Prima,

I love being nice to people. It gives me such a warm feeling
inside. Especially cashiers. I look them
in the eye, value them, comment on something nice about them, and
smile. It is a BITCH of a job and one that should be valued and
respected. It in turn makes me feel so good that there is hope in
the world…Not toxic poisoning resonating
everywhere…Being devalued is a terrifying feeling…

On Dec 17, 2007, at 7:16 PM, PrimaDonna wrote:

#10

Y’know Susiejo,

If I live a million years I’ll never be able to relate to that, people who think they can just DEMAND to be part of your life…as though you aren’t allowed any choice or discernment, or even personal likes and dislikes.

Just sort of “I WANT YOU TO LIKE ME - OR YOU WILL BE SORRY”.

shudders

GD

#11

Merry Christmas Gaye

Merry Christmas.

#12

Blitzen,

I see Trisha as a little child, demanding attention. (Like the NPD’s do) All the messages to my inbox, yours, and apparently Sam’s also are like a two year old throwing a temper tantrum, demanding mommy’s attention except the woman has to be in her 40’s I think.

#13

I am confused, who is Trisha? I lost track…

#14

oo

oo

oo

bring on the bitch reinforecment

things are hotting up

wish you were here you c- -t as i wid give you one on the bonce and imagine you were my fat fuck of a husband, 2 for the price of one

#15

Merry Christmas Blitziejo

good luck with your warm cheerfulness tomorrow

heres a toast to you gathering smiles from people like little rays of sunshine

#16

Put Sam in the mix and you start feeling you should get a Montessori qualification at the end of it!

:o)

Under it all there is an underlying play for sympathy. I used to be SUCH A SUCKER for people like that…I’d feel so guilty because I couldn’t stand them, that I would knock myself out catering to them…

But truth is, I am NOT a people person and there is not more reason for me to cater to that kind of attention seeking behavior than there is for me to put my head in the toilet and pull the chain…and the more you cater tom them the more they expect from you.

What Trisha (and Sam) need to do, is work on being the sort of person other people enjoy and WANT to be around instead of trying to find ways to take people hostage.

GD

#17

Bup,

I’m Trisha (hi! nice to meecha!)

apparently comparing me to a sweet beautiful child is considered an insult to some around here

I like to think of it as still being hopeful, the world hasnt stolen it from me and made me a cynical poisonous snake just yet

#18

Blitzie jo,

should you have anyone to smooch this Christmas, please give yourself the permission you need to not just peck them on the cheek, but to give them a hug

enjoy the warmth of another human being who would trust you enough to let you embrace them

good luck with soothing your soul

god luck to all of us

Merry Christmas

#19

would like to apologise to all of you whom i offend

being offensive is soooooo not my way

i have shite in my life which i have clearly attracted and in some way invited

i took it into my very inner sanctum, i loved it i married i bred with it and i am currently trying to escape it. i took solace in more of it and got a double whammy - lol - NOT

forgive me, i like many of you but we all know that we will pass in and out of each others lives and mean little to one another but i have to say and invite any lie minded individuals

Blitzen fo away. Not PLEASE go away, just go away and do not come back

#20

Nic,

Blitzen may well be your best friend at this point in life. You may not like what she says, but you sure do not like where you are at