I was married to a man for thirteen years and now divorced for the past four years. I have just recently learn more about NPD. I know now what was happening to me and I can now, FINALLY, put into words what my life was like and why I felt so low. From all I have read the only way to really survive this toxic relationship is to create a clear seperation. In short, stay as far away as you can. However, it can be very difficult when children are involved. My custody is 60/40 and feel for my own sanity he not play any part in our lives during my 60%. My daughter is fifteen now and impressed by the “cool fun loving” father he seems to be, but as we know is not. My children in no way could ever understand what I have been through and why I need to protect my space. My daughter is now not speaking with me, living with him all because he suggested he wanted more time with her and I could not allow him any closer then he was. How can I help my children understand how important boundries are with their father. Is there really a life after NPD abuse?
Hi sandra-
I applaud you for getting out of the relationship. I have tried several times. In addition to have an open heart to allow your daughter to make her own decisions. My boyfriend (NPD) also has 4 other children that are his ex’s and I totally see what you are saying about the “fun loving father” LOL. They are all young and dont understand anything.
The only one I am concerned about is my son who is now 1. Living in the environment now, I know is very toxic for him because I feel low majority of the time so how can I be a good mom feeling this way?
Thanks for your reply!
Miesk
Miesk,
Thanks for your response. I know exactly how you feel and yes the relationship is nothing less then toxic. I have only recently found information on NPD and found that it has left me with an entirely new emotion. Again just as we all could not put into words how weird this whole journeys has been and how we were feeling. This new emotion seems to do the same to me. I finally have some answers to what and why this happend. And maybe I can learn new skills on how to cope and deal with my current situation of raising my children without the ability to flee to another counntry.LOL
Try to remember that he is the damaged one. Quite asking why , you will never get the answer. And never let your soul hide.
Sandy 
Hi Sandra,
Your story is so similar to mine. I was married 5 years to a man who has NPD. We had 2 children together who are now 9 and 7.
The emotional and verbal abuse that I delt with for so long in the marriage started 2 weeks into the marriage and I can remember saying “What did I get myself into?” He played himself to have the same likes and morals (mirroring) before we were married. He new what I was looking for in spouse and played it to a “t”, never showing his real side until he had me. Then it was a gradual slippery, slope downward.
I was at rock bottom and lost any resemblance to my old self. I never realized what I was dealing with all of these years until last year my kids therapist suggested I read “Divorce Poison”. I came to the section on personality disorders and NPD and just cried. Finally, my situation had a name and I wasn’t crazy after all.
I finally new what I was dealing with and it gave me a slight sense of relief. My ex has for 2 years or more tried to turn my kids against me, change their perspective of reality and take custody from me. Amazingly, the court system here gave him half custody. My mission in life now is to protect my kids as much as possible from this “N” with his abuse and protect them from as much damage as possible all without them being turned against me.
I know exactly what you mean about the cool dad thing. He’s a master manipulator. I can only pray everyday that they realize some day soon what is really going on and see the truth for what it is. My faith keeps me strong. I have moved on from his abuse to me, but I can’t stand to sit back and watch my kids have to go through what I’ve endured and being helpless to defend them. He knows my kids are everything to me.
I know the pain you must feel about your daughter. I worry about my daughter who is so much like her dad. Their personalities are so similar and I worry about her wanting to eventually go live with her dad too.
I think in the end though, these kids will figure out about the “N” parents. We found them out, and a Narcissist can’t keep up the show forever. Stay strong and know you’re not alone.
Pam
Wow, wow, wow.
Well I was married for nearly 6 years to a man who was once diagnosed with narcissism. He was incarcerated for four years and now is back into the real world. I thought I could handle the shared visitation deal with my kids and him. He is oh so charming and vying for my affection beyond imagination. Sometimes I wonder if he really is a narcissist or if I am losing it. Somehow, even though I knew how dangerous it was…I let the whole scenario deceive me AGAIN!
You are strong and doing the RIGHT thing! Nowadays they take children away from a parent who subjects kids to an abusive situation, even if they are not the ones inflicting the abuse. We owe it to our kids to get the help we need. They may not understand now, but one day, surely to goodness, they will clearly understand.
It just makes you wonder, though, how the heck are there actually people like this out there that can wreak so much havoc on your mind, will and emotions.
I feel my life, my very virtue drifting from me again after all these years, after all the things I accomplished (a home, a career, stability) and it’s been less than six months since he “resurfaced”.
God Help Us All!