So I have done the footwork required to be and stay sober.Now that I am dealing with life on life tearms its hard.To even what to keep it up.I know why I must stay sober.But the list has grown longer when i wasnt looking.I started to do this for my kids and later I did it for me.However I find people saying you have to stay sober or else is what it feels like.I am just learning to operate in a social setting.I went back to work.After 7 yrs of active addiction and raising kids.Now I am back at home because I am trying to hold a relationship togeather.The wreakage of my past caught up and broke trust with my kinda ex.I say kinda ex because it goes back to Me trying to keep it togeather.Holding on and wondering who is holding on tighter now.Me or him.We have kids to add into the equation.Three two of which are from a previouse relationship that ended in his suicide.Or kid that we share just turned two.So there is the question on if we split who will retain cosduty.Him or I.If I fight him on this he will take me to court.And he and his family thinks rhey have the upper hand because I am an alcoholic.See this is the sick part that there is not one thing that we didnt do togeather.Drinking,drug use,lying all the above.But I am sober and have been for over a yr and doing really good.But now I feel like I now face my biggest challege.Him.So now what.
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Slow down. Remember ‘one day at a time’?
Handle your life one thing at a time. Handle only the first thing in front of you. Don’t get ahead of yourself. Courts won’t take custody away from a Mom who tests clean ok. You can always see a lawyer. To find a good one, call your local bar association for a referral. If you cannot afford one, try to see if their is a legal aid association around your area.
The relationship you had while you were using is gone. It was based on your use. Now that you are not using, the basis of the relationship is gone. Is there a chance to rebuild it? Maybe, maybe not. If you are both willing to go to a therapist together then maybe. If your in-laws are supportive, maybe? If none of this, probably not. What matters is your staying sober/clean and your children.
AA/NA is only a small part of the equation. You need counseling. Please get it even if it costs money. After all your life is worth it.
Hey Girl, I sorta know how you feel. I too was at that cross road though I didn’t have the issue of children. But I found myself not knowing what to do so I just looked deeper into my spiritual relationship . You know the be still and know that I am God kept coming to my mind. And thats what I did. And I let Him guide me. Once I handed it over things began to come together slowly but surely. Hang in there be patient and listen to that still small voicewithin then seek within your spirit and learn of His Spirit.
Hi there ravineaqual, i rarely go on this site not that i don’t enjoy what the site is for, far from it! have just read your “AND WHAT NOW?” Wow, it hit a cord, hence the reply, we are all in similar situations no matter how short or long we are actually sober, for me this end the hard part is handling my sober emotional feelings logically and simply, never been used to this scenirio before, always had drink and drugs relationships etc to deal with feelings without regard or care to the consequences. Today i am no nearer to picking up than you or anybody else in recover, yet, i now don’t think of myself as a alcoholic, even after over 30 years of drinking, yet a fully blown cross addict! You sound as if you are on the right track, ending up recovering for you and nothing else, wonderful. Yes, this end i do feel at times i am loosing the plot, yet in reality it is not me yet others, they dont like seeing me change, maybe feeling threatened, as i am slowly gaining control of my life and can say no to many things and situations. sadly, many people i have had to let go and get them out of my life, if i cant take care of me i am of no use to anyone else at all, factually, i have 3 daughters, it has taken time, and i always wanted them to understand the horrendous afflicacation i have and never asked for, yet all they want to see is their dad get better, and boy o boy it is so rewarding to have them back in my life, trusting me now, not concerned worried about wether i will go back to the hell hole i was in. I had to end a relationship totally to no understanding and emotional abuse towards myself with regards to my children. well, it seems to all be turning out well for myself and my kids, i stick to the facts and truth in life now, never use to and it seems to be paying of, those who cant seem to be stuck or go down hill, i still need support and seriously i had to deal with legal stuff as regard to the house and interferance to outsiders, seriously, in many ways you are at a advantage being female as regards to the law, yet i know if i hadnt put my cards on the table everything would of back fired right in my face. Just reading your letter sounds like you have really worked hard at recovery and boy you have come so far, wonderful, so maybe this is just a reply of reassurrance, i dont suggest or endorse anything to others, as our journeys although similar needs to be done by the individual and i put every thing down to a learnig process. lets face it, we are the lucky ones, most of us dont make it. dont give up, yup i do alot of stinking thinking at times yet that is the addict talking, so i learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow and make every day a day worth living. carry on the way you are and things will work out for you and you will pull through it all. i hope this lets you know there are so many of us out here in the same boat, take care and most importantly look after you.
prawney
Great Advise!!! I am coming up on 4 years of being sober and YES it is still hard!!! I have lost alot of my friends due to this, but as you said Think of Yourself FIRST, because no-one else WILL. I have moved on still fighting this demand, and also having CP and Liver Disease THANKS TO THE DEMANDS, I beleive that we can all work/talk/chat and get through this all together!!! Big Hugs, and Lots of Love~~~~~Mrs Barb 
From: prawney alcoholism-cpt6044@lists.careplace.com
Date: 2007/09/30 Sun AM 02:51:29 CDT
To: msboosting@windstream.net
Subject: Re: [alcoholism] sober but what now?