I am currently in possession of all my ex’s passwords, to his email accounts, sex sites (he’s a sex addict) and his asian dating sites, his phone records. I have cut off all contact with him. occasionally he tries to get in contact, saying he loves me but i don’t fall for it. i know spying on him online is not healthy, but at the same time, if i did not see this behavior for myself, i would never believe it. at this point i think it helps me stay away from him to see how sick and sad he is, but in my heart i know it is wrong. what do you think?
tlc, I posted an article on narcissists destroying the lives of others, it describes them in simple terms. One thing they all have in common is no empathy, no feeling, for anyone but themselves. They have no clue there is anything wrong with them, they blame everyone else for every thing. They come in all sizes, shapes, all nationalities, all religions, all professions and all colors, they all inflict pain on the ones who love and care about them. You did nothing to cause any of his behavior. He has an illness, he can not be helped or fixed.It is not easy to pick up the pieces of your life and move on, but that is what you have to do. You are lucky to get away from him, you need to focus on yourself and begin your recovery. If you keep watching what he is doing, you keep the focus on his sickness and take more time away from getting yourself healthy. Don’t let his illness drag you down any more than it already has, there is nothing that you can do for him, please start taking care of you and making a better life for you. I am here if you would like to share anything, I know how hard this is, I am in the beginning stages of recovery myself, don’t waste any more of your precious time on him, he took enough from you. Hugs mamolie
thanks. I know you are right. I have always been a very positive hopeful
person so it is hard for me to accept that he is a lost cause since i really
believe nothing is impossible. but he has to do it himself and i have no
control over that.
i have good days and bad days, so I will keep your address on hand if you
don’t mind. thanks for the encouragement,
Theresa
tlc, beleive me I know how hard it is to accept that there is no hope, I, we, tried 5 different therapist, a marriage counselor,and he went to a psychiatrist on his own and nothing helped, he fooled them all, and me but that is also part of the disorder, there is nothing wrong with them. I went looking on line to save the little sanity I had left and found narcissists, could finally make sense of a life that made no sense. I know that as a feeling person, we believe that love will conquer all, but not with them. 41 years of marriage and my love meant nothing, They can not love or care about anyone but them selves. I believe what we had is called magical thinking, that we could heal them and they would turn into the loving caring human being we caught a glimps of once in awhile, they just don’t have any real love to give to anyone. I have good days and bad also, but more good than bad since I gave up that dream and magical thinking. It is a horrible disorder, not for them, but for the ones who love them, nothing but pain and confusion. I am here. Hugs mamolie
amen, sister. you took the thoughts right out of my head.
Are you familiar with the term Svengali? This is a person who manipulates and controls a person for their own purposes using certain techniques. I have a family member who has finally opened up about what is going on but wavers back and forth. Is there a type of therapist that knows how to help someone break free and recover a Narcissist or Svengali?
Oh that’s good. Very nice checkmate. I advise that you be careful. I’m having similar problems with my Ex and recently changed my phone number. I’m hoping that he leaves me alone now. I’ve written several emails telling him how awful he was, especially after fights. He never let me say anything during our arguments. So I thought a “thoughtfully written” email would help him understand how I feel. Unfortunately anything thoughtful that I do leaves the door open for him. I can thoughtfully and peacefully seak a break-up where everyone is friends. And he weasels his way back into my life making promises he has no intention of keeping. I agree that I allow it to some degree, but he takes full advantage of the fact that I cared. So now I’m ruthless because I can’t afford to be kind. He may take your kind words about God and being saved to mean that you care. And if you care he can continue to expect a relationship with you. Please stop viewing his various sites. I understand that you had to do it for awhile you needed to convince yourself. I did it also, and I hurt myself needlessly. My ex has a myspace account will all kinds of girlfriends. And then there’s the ones I know he’s sleeping with. It’s a hard pill to swallow and I actually got physically ill from the stress of it. Get busy starting your life over. You deserve better.
tlc, there is no cure for a narcissists, they can not be helped. In their minds there is nothing wrong with them, they blame everyone else for their problems. Notice how he blamed you for CHOICES he is making, no one makes you do the things he is doing, but they try to make you feel guilty and responsible for their behavior. I f you want him out of your life, you can not show one ounce of caring, doubledee is right , and you can not show your pain and suffering, they enjoy seeing that also. It is a no win situation, they care about no one, but themselves. I doubt he cares about religion, but maybe that is a weak spot for him, I’d tell him he will burn in hell for all his dirty deeds. say good bye and mean it, you won’t see him again, he is going to hell. You have to start concentrating on your self and take back your life, you had a good reply about power, take back and keep your power. You have to be strong he wants to take everything from you, do not let him or respond to him. You can’t get through or have closure with him, you have to move on and not look back. I am here hugs mamolie