i can’t handle my bipolar and my partner getting nasty with me and shouting at me during a episode and after when i’m stablising.
i had a really bad episode last night and my partner this morning acted so cold and hostile towards me all i wanted was her to perhaps show a little care by asking how i was feeling etc but i just got the hostile behaviour.
during my episodes afterwards i have very little memory of what i have done or said i just feel emotionally exhausted.
my partner has said she can only take so much when i’m like it and has been trying to get herself support to deal with it.but i’ve tried telling her again and again not to shout at me or get nasty as it just adds to it all.
i have now got to the stage where i just want to run away anywhere as long as there’s no one there to shout and get nasty with me when i have an episode.
i tried opening up to my partner the other night about how i was feeling and things i had never opened up about to anyone but as usual just like me i warbled on about stuff she already knew but as i had just built up enough confidence to get everything out she got a phone call family buisness she said and it felt like “your time is up” kinda thing like when your hour is up with the thearpist .
i just remember feeling that i had opened something up inside me that had been blocked for so many years now i was being left to try and put it back on block which although i’ve tried i can’t do.
that the last thing i remember really because just after i lost it .this morning as i said my partner was so hostile.
she kept on at me to ring my doctor so i did but could only get what they call a doctors call back where the doctor rings you back later.
she accussed me of lying saying doctors didn’t do that kind of thing.then when he did ring back she kept following me as i tried talking to him she wouldn’t give me any privacy.
i rang the samartians before that because i could not handle things now i had opened the block up well i didn’t feel at ease atall when i could hear the woman doodling in the background ,she wasn’t writing she was doodling you could hear her pen scribbling that really put me off.
this afternoon after i told my partner i had had enough i wanted to finish our relationship basically because i can’t help feeling she doesn’t care let alone love me .
and i can’t handle her nastiness or shouting anymore but more than that i’ve opened up this block i have kept inside for years ,and she kinda left me to deal with it while she sorts out her family problems .
so i tried telling her i thought it best we part. maybe i’m being selfish but i haven’t long been diagnosed with bipolar and my meds haven’t kicked in properly yet .
she keeps telling me she can’t handle the way i flip etc and thats why she shouts etc .
also i get very edgy in crowded shops and the other day felt like i was going to flip while at my parents just because there was other family there 2 of them my own teenage sons who live with their dad.
i got out of there but i felt so frightened as what could had happened i don’t want anyone seeing me when i get an episode.
thing is her parents are comming to stay soon i tried asking her to ask them not to and explained but she just said in no way would she.
this home is my safeplace no one can see me when things get bad i can go and hide in my bedroom.
but not only that she is going to leave me on my own with them while she has to work.i can’t do it.
tell me am i wrong and selfish ?but what can i do ?she told me they are comming and that is that,i’ve explained how i feel but she doesn’t care.
i can’t think straight is it me being selfish .

No you are not being selfish…You are just trying to get a grasp on everything. It’s not easy dealing with being bipolar…and not to mention the meds. you have to experiment with until you get the right combo…the ups and downs…the anger that seems to come from no where. No one can tell you what to do about your partner that has to come from you…only you know what you can handle and what you want in the form of support. All I can say is you need to be alittle selfish and do what is best for you. It is your well-being a stake. You need positive support to help you through this. I have had a partner that yelled at me and called me names when I was having an episode…It took me a while but I realized I was better off alone…Even though that thought scared me to death…I did it alone…you need to think about what you need…Write me if you want too, Christine

thanks enigma for your reply .yesterday things went bad again .i have asked my partner to moved out in desperation because i honestly believe she is making my bipolar worse.she went to see her doc yesterday at first she told me she was going to find out about bipolar when she came back she said “it wasn’t about you ok” and said it was about her and her bad ankles but produced a phone number of a bipolar group the doc had given her.but most of the day she kept making comments that everything wasn’t my bipolar.then at night when we went bed she had my radio set on a classical station i only went to change it and she got all angry at me saying didn’t i realise what she was trying to do etc .then it became obvious to me what she wanted i couldn’t believe it she shouts and rows with me all day then thinks i would want to make love with her inside i felt she couldn’t hurt me no more it was beyond hurt this was devastation.she even said i wouldn’t get the chance again for another week as it was her one night off.
i dread everyday at what she is going to pick a row over.i can’t handle my biploar and i can’t handle my g/f giving me no support.

I am glad to see that you are thinking of yourself and your well-being.It’s not easy to let someone go, but sometimes it is the only way. If I was in your position last night I would have felt the same way and have. It’s hard to explain why people are so mean to us when they know that we need them so badly. It’s hard enough trying to get our selves together to get through the day, let alone having to explain or defend ourselve when we are at a low point. Bipolar disorder is a disaese that can’t be corrected over night…we need Doctors, meds. and lots of support. Positive support is a key in people getting better with bipolar. I got such negative support from the last one and it affected me deeply. He made it seem like I was doing bad all day, everyday. I was so bad I couldn’t leave my house for 3 years. He would call me horrible names, which all had to do with being crazy and such. I started to believe him. When I kicked him out it took me awhile to see I was no where near what he said I was. It’s been awhile now and I can go outside, drive and even go into stores. I am not that horrible person he painted me out to be. Today I start orientation for a new job…I am scared and excited, but I think I am ready to try. It’s sounds like you need more support in your life so remember we are always her for you and remember do what’s best for you…everything will work it’s self out. Christine

Enigma is completely right. The last thing you need is someone who makes you feel worse about yourself. You don’t need to feel any more hurt than you already do.You have a ligitimate illness, what she is doing is out sounds like it’s revenge for something that you can’t control. Supporting someone with bipolar is never easy, god knows how many mistakes and hurtful things I’ve said to my husband at times.Yes I am ashamed of myself. But at the end of the day I try to understand where he is coming from, and I don’t make excuses for the things I have done wrong .Loving someone is being there through thick and thin. You are not completely responsible for every bad day she has, every temper flare, every rotten mood. She is responsible for making herself happy, so please try to be easy on yourself. There are therapists that she can talk to to that can help her with her feelings as well as give her perspective on how to support you (I;m doing that right now, it is VERY helpful) Take care of yourself. Remember sometimes we all have to be a little bit selfish. Just know that you are doing the best you can with what you know at this moment.