so like my buddhist brother always says…'give in to win"?
isnt it great how we all end up finding our way through different methods and resources, what would never work for one works for another
I’ve always had faith in survivors of relatioNships finding their way
good for you newcomers that youve found your healing in your respective books and philosophies
the specialist whose workshop for therapists I attended said N’s are masters at using our strengths against us
- our conscience against us
- our values against us
- our compassion against us
- our remorse against us
- our generousity against us
I recognized that stuff with the last N in my life. That was before I knew about this N stuff. He was so baffled that none of his tactics worked. He kept trying to find the “hook” but I wouldn’t give him one. You could almost see his brain over loading trying to think of a new angle. He finally came out and asked me what I wanted, so he could work the angle. I told him all I want is a satisfied mind. He was defeated right there.
I personally think that they envied our strength…and tried to weaken it.?they wanted what they didnt have?"ground down’springs to mind.
and phoenix…your last post was calm an gentle by the way.(if you dont mind me saying)
and as for 'finding the way"the path…thats what taoism is all about…strangely (as you probably know.)
Thank you for your reply. The discovery that my husband of all these years is not just an addictive personallity, but has a narcissic personality disorder has really been an eye opener. I have read some information from the Sam Vaknin web site. Right now I have no contact with my husband as he is in jail and we are seperated. My husband blames me for all his troubles when in reality his financial and criminal troubles have nothing to do with me. I worry that if he is released he will become violent towards me. Is that something I should be concerned about?
----- Original Message ----
From: spiralupwards npd-cpt9904@lists.careplace.com
To: allison_dubose@yahoo.com
Sent: Monday, July 28, 2008 2:08:43 PM
Subject: Re: [npd] Sympathy For The N
Foxfire, Be very concerned. You would know better then anyone what this man is capable of. If you do have contact, butter him up.
Say whatever you have to, to stroke his ego. You don’t have to mean a word of it. Don’t believe a word he has to say if he still blames you for his self inflicted problems. If possible, be one step ahead. Hopefully you have places to go.
i agree…hell want someone totake it out on maybe…but i hope not for your sake x please take care…you cant live in fear of him getting out though.
I believe its called a healthy self love!
From: “spiralupwards” npd-cpt9904@lists.careplace.com
Sent: Tuesday, July 29, 2008 4:11 AM
To: simply_angelina@hotmail.com
Subject: Re: [npd] Sympathy For The N
healthy self-love…healthy narcissism…like that.
I f we cant love ourselves we need it from"outside"?
Yes i think that you are so right
The Phoenixxxx said:
offering comfort and protection to him is easy
like reflex
human nature
at some point I had lost how to do that for myself
getting angry became my only thought of protection and justice
My reply:
To us "normal people it is like reflex…human nature. But to our N loved ones (past, present and future) they didn’t loose it because they never had it to begin with. That’s the whole basis of their problems…it’s hard to learn “human nature” “instinct” as an adult. Just the mere fact that they didn’t get it and their growing up without it almost makes them incapable of every learning it. It’s too late for them. In my case I know my N hubby tries very hard and he does listen to what I say and he somewhat trusts me…and I know that he actually loves me to the extent he can love anything or anyone, and he is extremely smart, but it’s the logical linear kinda smart. He truely looks puzzled sometimes when I’m trying to explain “human nature” “nurturing” and genuine feelings. How can you convince someone that a certain way is the “right” way to do it when it doesn’t make logical sense. I told him very rarely does emotions make logical sense. It’s such a struggle for him. He has seen what his emotional affairs do to me…how they destroy my soul…among other things, but he is still unable to stop (says he has, but I just believe he hids it better.) He has to have that narcissistic supply. I don’t readily give it like I did in the beginning. I’m still very loving, caring and nuturing, but I’ve also learned to somewhat protect myself from his actions. Sympathy…why else am I still with him!
Profound writing.
i suppose then…having sympathy for an n is far more healthy than having empathy for them…feeling sorry for someone is much better than feeling their pain…what did that ever do?