I just found out 2 weeks ago that I’m having a girl, and she has anencephaly. This is my first child after 3 miscarraiges. My biggest problem is dealing with my family and my friends. I need some support here and my family is crushed, my friends look at me with pity and the baby’s dad pretends I’m not even pregnant. I find myself comforting my family, not talking to my friends (they are uncomfortable around me), and at home I don’t say a word about anything. Even my dr. wants me to induce. HELP!!!
Hang in there, I know its hard. When I found out that my daughter Abby had anencephaly I was a total wreck. I’m about 33 weeks pregnant and she is my first also. I have been very blessed to have a great support system from my family and some really close friends. I still find it hard to talk to people about Abby, naturally we all want babies to be healthy, but in our case thats just is not possible. When I was diagnosed my doctor gave me several options of what to do. I have chosen to carry my baby girl to term. All I could think about was this is still my baby and if it was any other diagnosis I would still want to fight for my daughter. Abby is alive and well now and this may be the only time I get with her and I don’t want to cut it short.
Dealing with family and friends is hard. I have found that they really don’t know how to respond. They are hurting too and don’t want you to hurt. Abby’s daddy asked me to have an abortion after we found out and he has been really distant ever since. Its been hard but I see it that he’s the one that has chosen not to be apart of his daughters life. Give it time and hopfully they will come around and things will get easier. If you need to talk I’ll be here to talk with you anytime. Just enjoy the time that you have with your daughter because time will go by too fast.
If you don’t want to induce, then don’t. Your doctor has no right to try and persuade you to. Your life is not in danger and carrying this baby to term won’t put any future pregnancies at risk (although you will be classed as high risk for NTDs, but a higher dose of folic acid will reduce the risk), sadly doctors have used thses tactics to ‘scare’ mothers into inducing early when they don’t want to.
I hope and pray your family and friends come round and give you all the support you need.
love Yvonne xxxxxxx
Thank you for your kind words, I believe I was having a really bad day and running on very little sleep. I got a new Dr. this week, and he is very understanding and supportive of my decision to carry Loren to term. You are right, this is my only time with my daughter.
Glad to hear your baby is doing well. She will no doubt be as perfect and beautiful as any other child. I myself believe that these special children are sent to us for a reason.
My 8 year old niece told me last night that God must have needed an angel baby and Loren fit the bill. What a smart kid.....She also told me that her mom threatend her to not talk about the baby around me. I guess adults dont always know whats best.
I pray for all of us parents and children affected by anencephaly.
Leah