One thing I need to remember is that the true narcissist will be cursed to be alone because no one else is good enough for him/her.
Being the tool of narcissists is not the same as being a “victim”. While they try to suck the life out of us it is they who are empty. They victimize themselves by using us. They are the ones cursed to an ultimate destiny.
I think we have to find the power to either allow or deny access to our hearts and minds. The choice should be ours, not theirs.
In Sam Vanknin’s book he says the best person for a Narcissist to date is another Narcissist. My Ex-N found just such a woman and left me for her.
The idea of him being happy with someone else tore me up inside. Until I realized what kind of woman I am. That’s when I truly understood that he would never be happy with me. I’m too good, too kind, too loyal, too beautiful, too smart, too strong, etc. In his eyes I’m perfection and he feels convicted. He can’t live up to my standards so he chose a woman who has no standards. And he’s happy.
I will never be her. And she will never be me. I may never understand narcissim but I do understand my strength of character.
Get it.
Yeah, I’ve seen that N on N action. My thought was that they deserved each other. And I believe it is both of their best marriages yet. The chaos that swarms around those two would crush a mortal. And they create and thrive on more every day.
I just shake my head.
I believe what DD said.
They do seem to feel threatened by strong women/men…and need to(try to) put them down and in their place.
But that is/was there problem to deal with…not ours
mine dragged on for yers…an i realise now that i should have got him charged…but a soft heart and a shit load of empathy prevented me from doing that…what a fool i was.
Perhaps they adhere to consequences?if theyadhere to anything that is…they are a law unto themselves.
Not to pry too much…I know very little about the situation.
Will you really be free or are you being pulled into something?
My last N was so disappointed when I didn’t put up a defense in court.
The N before that was unprepared when my attorney took it easy on her. She was ready to bury me.
They both made my case without even knowing it!!!
I’m just saying not to burn up energy when you don’t have to.
BTW-I do believe God is telling us all something. There have been several coincidences since I found out about this NPD. Something brought us all here didn’t it?
so you are talking about karma here?what goes around comes around…they get theirs in the end…i sort of believe that "divine providence"stuff somehow.
Good points. I was talking more about strategies. Knowing who is leading who. The karma, the pay off is that they are cursed to be alone because no one is good enough for them.
Here’s another curse. “May you live in interesting times.”
No worries you are not prying.
I’ve written the story here already so I’ll give you the short version.
My Ex accused me of cheating on him. We had a huge argument and he knocked me down and trashed my house, took my computer, broke a lamp and kicked apart my Grandmother’s antique table. He was arrested by the police and I received and order of protection. The second offense happened when he violated the protection order. I wouldn’t have called the police but he spit in my face, pulled my hair and threw a plate at me as he was going out the door.
The police didn’t arrest him I just made a formal complaint. The next time he went to court for the first offense they arrested him for the second. Now the DA is asking me if I want to press charges. When I said no she gave me a short story on exactly why I should. That his behavior was escalating and he needed to know that this was unacceptable. I was told by a freind that he slapped the girl he’s seeing now. So this is definately a problem. I feel like if he hasnt’ learned the lesson by spending two nights in jail there’s nothing else I can teach him.
I think I should follow thru on this. Even if I don’t want to.
Wow…By all means press charges. The term “danger to society” is popping in my head. I would feel better with a person like that locked up.
Thanks for sharing Dee. It’s all very useful. I’ve got a few stories like that too. Somehow I ended up being on the wrong end each time. For example, I got choked out, robbed and left for dead and I wasn’t given the option of pressing charges. It was all hush hush. The attitude was that I somehow deserved it.
You have the right to defend yourself Dee and it seems that’s just what you are doing. KUDOS
This is a hard place to be in…as regards charging someone i mean.
The important thing is how this will make you feel DD afterwards…not whether he gets charged or not…thats the important thing.
Thank you healed…I’ve dealt with all these situations many times over. Now I have a name for it so I feel good about that. Just to keep with the thread, I have sympathy for the other side, but I now know a fixed game when I see one. I choose not to be in a fixed game on any level.
Something my dad would say comes in handy in these situations, “you better punt.” Meaning, sometimes you just have to turn the ball over and regroup. You’ll get another chance.
I’m not sure how I feel. I should press charges but I don’t want to be bothered either. It’s time to move on.
I think the bottom line is are you protected? Is he out of your life now? Will he bother you anymore? Sounds like he may have gotten all he can out of you and moved on. IMHO
I think you’re in the driver’s seat. You can’t make a wrong decision here. Hang him or let him go, you’re the boss.
Ohmicah,
You could not have said it any better.
is he worth the effort…?say no more.
and it lets him know that you are bothered and he is "important"enough to be charged.
This is a hard one though…because he shouldnt get away with what he did…but hell get his in the end regardless
Its all down to what it will do to YOU,its your call,not his…you have the power.
After seven years of back and forth; my husband stealing from me from my support money, making up lies, hiring private investigators to follow me and check into my finances, etc., it was time for me to take the bull by the horns and stop the goings on. Before, I threatened. I was exhausted. I just wanted to get on with my life, even when he stole thousands of dollars from me. But after the private investigator, I had had enough! It never stopped—really. I had to do a lot of leg work to find a good attorney. I did and he lost. Since then, I feel like I am on the true road to recovery.
I can speak from experience, there’s a lot to be said for claiming your space, showing your solidity, and demonstrating how we’re not to be run roughshod over anymore.
In whatever form that takes for you, or any other person affected by a N/S, its, in my opinion, well worth the effort.
It not only reveals who and what we really are to them, but maybe what’s more important is feeling that in our hearts and bodies ourselves.
Especially as we walk on.
"revenge is a meal best served cold"
in one way,that is sO true…justice.
but the other way what goes around comes around seems to happen.
Whichever way…they will get theirs…and at least my ex 'partner"said to me"i will be the same with anyone else"as I think all N types will be.
At least i could admire his honesty on that one(for a change he was a …g liar and i think that was the only time i got the truth.
Sorry I’m so late in replying I just got back from a business trip.
I have an appointment with the DA on Friday. I haven’t had much time for myself lately so honestly I would rather go to Ikea on my free time. However after much thought I think it’s important to finish this. The last time he was arrested he told the arresting officer that he saw me that morning. He lied, I hadn’t seen him for 2 months. The DA thought he had big balls for lying to the court. She knew I hadn’t seen him, we spoke before his court date. I spent years with him turning the other cheek. I didn’t make him accountable for his actions.
I don’t care if he thinks he’s so important. If he needs to lie to himself to feel better let him lie. The fact he used my name to get out of being arrested lets me know what he thinks of me. It’s time to finish this. You think he would have learned by now that I’m a formidable opponent. What goes around does come around and I’m going to make sure he knows it’s coming from me.