Very bad night :(

Alcoholism
#1

Ok… brace urselves… i had the WORST night… in my life last night… awful things happend and i’ve reached my ‘hit bottom’ point i think, really extremely.
So… as usual, i’ve been letting things bother me. I drank wine all day yesterday… and then later joe and i got into a fight because i turn into a completely different person when i drink… i go from sweetheart to fucking psycho… and i know this and i want it to stop… so…then, he went on a walk… i eventually went lookin for him and was all pissed at myself cos i had started smoking ciggarettes that night which are totally SICKENING i dont know why the fuck i started…I met up with him and i was still a lunatic, so i decided to go to the bar and have a drink all by myself…drank it… left… and was walking home, decided hey might as well go to another bar and have a drink… meet some friends …went in…had another drink started talking to these two guys… they were really nice… me being lonely and wanting a friend… but they probably only wanted to get into my pants… anyway… after a couple more drinks i left with one of the guys to hang out… at that time i had no intention of anything else happening… (and luckily it DIDNT) but… i couldnt fucking walk… i kept falling down, i bruised my whole body up pretty bad…i think i made out with him but that’s as far as it went… i lost my fucking sandles cos they fell off at some point , who the fuck knows…
i come home and my bf tells me i had left the fucking window OPEN (no screen) and my two babies (cats) got out!!! so im horrified… but luckily he had found them and brought them back in… oh my fucking god… i need help… i need to stop drinking cos that was nuts. ANYTHING could have happend to me last night…im LUCKY i only go bruised up. So that’s it…
NO MORE ALCOHOL. i dont have a choice this time.

I feel like such a bloody idiot. WHAT THE HELL AMANDA. that is soooooo not the amanda i know. This SHIT has to stop.

#2

well… let me see here… you know that htought of stopping and having one more… that is the obsession… and it’s an insidious fucker… it convinces us that we can control it… and we can’t… might be able to control for a little bit, but wil eventually lose that illusion of control… as for the flep… i would suggest finding an AA meeting in your area… and also, don’t worry about the community knowing your an alcoholic or not,m because the way it is sounding… a few scornful looks(which i have never experiencecd), are a far sight better than the shit you are going through

#3

Hi Starlove,
I hear your craziness. I am a recovering alcoholic of 10 years, and I still catch myself wanting to have “just one drink,” but I know if I do, i will want more, and i get very sexually active, and I don’t want to lower myself to that level that I had once been at. Even though I am married now, he doesn’t need to see me like that either.
The help you want is AA! That is what got me sober. I only went to AA, and started living the program. Even though I didn’t stop over night, i eventually stopped when I admitted I was an alcoholic. I had gone to the meetings before, and liked what I heard, and felt those people really understand, why? Well the answer is obvious when I admitt I am an alcoholic. I would go and say hi i’m irene an i’m an alcoholic, but in my heart didn’t accept that i was. i am also bipolar, and i know now that i was medicating myself with the wine, which I drank mostly, and beer. If you have really “reached your bottom,” and you “really want to stop” the program will help you stop and turn your life around. But it isn’t going to be easy! Even with the program. Get yourself the Big Book of AA; read the first 90 pages in 90 days and attend 90 meetings all at the same time, and get phone numbers many phone numbers so you can cal them when you want to drink. Think about this as well. H.A.L.T!!! Hungry;angry;lonely;tired! And with this in mind, remember we alcholics do not need a reason to drink, if we don’t have one, we’ll make one up just so we can make excuses to ourselves as to why we drank.
You can talk to me any time, i’ll give you my email address: ikesrecovery59@yahoo.com; and feel free to talk to me, we can go on chat sometime. I’m on this thing in the evenings a lot! after 6-7 PM.
any way, 90 meetings in 90 days;90 pages in 90 days. It does seem like a tall order and hard,but there are many of us recovering alcholics that have gotten sobered, because of the program so it “works if you work it” and keep goin to meetings.
Bip

#4

Frankly what most active alcoholics fail to grasp is that their secret is
usually already known. Sometimes we are the last ones to know that everybody
else already knows we have a serious problem. If there is great concern about
what others are thinking (though this shouldn’t be the first priority) we
might want to work on getting rid of the evidence — stop drinking, one day at a
time – and there will be nothing to hide. What people will have to talk
about is the positive change in your life. What is much more important is that
you will have freedom from the obsession to drink, and freedom to actively
pursue living life. That’s what most of us are running from. But if you
continue to ignore the problems and issues of your life, remember you will run out
of life before you run out of challenges. Better to face life and get the
joy that accompanies the pain of growing up, rathern than getting just the pain
that comes from trying to stay a child by staying drunk. Life won’t go away
because you hide from it.

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