On Friday the police arrested my N on the child molestation charges. The grand jury has handed down an indictment and tonight he sits in the city jail. It has both stirred up my anger and made me feel side. Anger by way of all his lies, manipulative behavior, deceit, arrogance, all of the hurt he inflicted on me. And sad that I thought he was all of that and a bag of chips. He was once my husband. I can’t seem to get past that right now. There was a time when I would have done anything for him because I loved him. Regret because he will spend the next 5-15 years in prison and if he lives to get out, I know that he won’t have changed, regret at the loss of potential, Sad that this man has of his own will and sickness thrown his life away. Anger at what he did to me, my daughter, how it feels like he has completely ruined my life.
Lelee,
You need to look at it as a new beginning for you and your children. What your husband did is inconscionable. There is probably nothing worse except murder. You must get angry enough to rid your feelings of “feeling sorry” or “if only’s” I don’t mean to sound harsh, I don’t. I empathized for everyone and then some. I cried at the Flintstones when Barney and Betty adopted Bam-bam, (kidding, but I hope you get my message), but I have discovered in my healing that my “empathy” of others, took away from myself in a very round about way. My life was led by caring for others, at the risk of losing my own self. Instead of worrying about or feeling sorry for or wasting time even thinking about this guy, you should spend that emotion on the “emotional health” of your daughter and yourself. If this man is to do anything about his “illness” it is up to him. There is no known cure for pediphila, and it is typically combined with alcoholism. Sadness for yourself and your daughter is most definately entitled, however, my opinion (only) is that you start moving from here and get damn mad and then focus on the new. I don’t know your age or the age of your daughter, but I do know that there is healing for all. I know you will heal. Anyone who has come this far knows the problem, it’s just the figuring out from here. My thoughts are with you. Be strong! The worst is behind you and the best is ahead. Believe in that!
Mariel Lee
I hope that the best is yet to be. I am still just depressed out of my mind. It seems like my life is still such a crazy mixed up mess. I feel so alone and frightened and angry and sad. I know that I must sound like a broken record but that’s how I feel. I spent the whole day today in bed just crying my eyes out and grieving all of those lost dreams and hopes. This is just plain hard.
But Lelee, life is not over, it’s only just beginning for you. I remember my therapist telling me that it will take you one to two years to see things clearly, but when I did, I may not like what I see. Well, it took me three years, and I did not like what I saw (so clearly). However, Lelee, it gave me such an insight to my own self. While things changed and I was very sad about the loss of family, I was able to rebuild and find happiness on a different level. Be strong, and start working on you. Take the time to know your children again. Your daughter needs you! Start doing things that make you happy.
By the way do you like the way they changed this?
no I dont like it
I find it much more complicated to navigate
and page loading is so slow
Leelee,
How are you? You do not sound like a broken record. You probably did during your years with him stating the obvious over and over again and not understanding why the basics were always just beyond his grasp. being with them takes it out of you. it is exhausting, and when you finally get away finding the energy for recovery and moving on to a better place is very difficult, especially when they can still press your buttons and still feature in your life. People in common, such as family friends children etc all just adds to the difficulties.
I have and still find my path to recovery very frustrating. I am strong and sensible and a probelm solver etc etc, it should not have been this way for me. But it is, and there is nothing I can do about it.
Additional problems for me have been the exposure of other problem relationships. My mother for one. I kinda recognise that my relationship with her kinda set me up for all this. She is a tricky one to say the least, she can wind me up effortlesslesly and is always the injured party. I manage it as best i can, but she has been horrible to me again recently becuse she is aggreived about not getting enough attention. She has little knowledge of me, my problems, what I have been through etc. She does not listen to a word I say, I frequently stop speaking mid sentance just to test the hypothesis!! And it is probven. She aske me a question, I answer, by second sentance, she is no longer listening nor evenpretending to. But she has asked the question, so therefore - in her mind, of course she cares!!! she cares about what I bring to her table in terms of entertainment and company etc, and as daughter, I have obligations!! And now its my bro to add to the mix, our relationship recently went tits up. he yelled at me for nothing, and for the first time I said NO! You WILL NOT DO THIS TO ME any more. So I am binned!! I am dropped fromt the radar.
It is often a complex mess - I believe. There are reasons why we found ourselves in these relationships, and I am positive that my mother and my order as youngest child conditioned my to be pretty much voiceless. The minute I stand up for myself or demand to be treated as an equal human, they punish me. I sense their jealousy that i did well in my life - ran a really succesfull business and raised my kids - my mother never worked, my bro was pretty unsuccesfull in business and never had kids. Yet these people judge me and criticise me.
For me, my disentanglement from NPD started the day I left my husband, and has and continues to be a complicated and difficult process to navigate. I too feel like a broken record, tho I have learnt to keep fairly quiet these days. There is only so much that can be said.
My last effort at therapy the therapist said - these things have and are happening to you, I cant take that away - which I knew - I never wwent back, am not sure how much talking about it can help, and neither it seemed was the therapist.
I still ride a rollercoaster, some days up some days down, my life is still changing, still in transit!!
We will get there…where tho, i dont know 
xxxxxx
Pheonix,
I have to agree, navigation is a challenge. but we’ve been here before on careplace.
i think that this website is primarily medical and for that it is probably excellent. Linking conditions etc.
Most of us tend to be “victims” of the NPD afflicted, and NPD is not really a medical condition, more a psychological one, or is it?
I dont know.
But yea, I do hate new interfaces, and then I’ll get used to it, and hate the next one!!
lol, such is life.
hows your puppy by the way?
xx
Lelee,
Your worst mistake for your healing and your children is leaving therapy. You have GOT to bare it all. Talking and talking and talking and talking eventually will lead to discovery. I can remember going every week and saying to myself, “I don’t see how this is going to work!” Even when my therapist said, “In about one to two years you will see things more clearly, but you may not like what you see!” I thought then, what does she really know? Let me tell you, if it wasn’t for my therapist(s); two because I eventually moved, I would not have come this far. Both of them (while different in their approach) have helped me to focus on ME and my sons. Truthfully, it will all go back to you, not your husband any longer. You bring up a good point about your own history. Yes, I believe that you lost your voice, as I myself had no voice in my childhood and on. Boy, I screamed loud and clear, but no-one ever listened. It was always about them! If you read my profile, you will see that I said, "If I was an artist, I would paint myself on top of the largest building,screaming down at all the people below looking up at me with no ears. That too is how I always felt. But, I am here to tell you, NO MORE do I feel that way. I have made clear-minded decisions. I have learned to say “NO!” I even moved out of my state. It gave me breathing room. I forgot what it was like to feel “whole.” Now, let me explain, I am not saying that it is easy, far from it! But with determination and a love for one self, you will once again find yourself, and for the first time know what being healthy minded is.