I am dreading the upcoming holidays. My ex N was always the life of the party and the holidays seemed to be the one time we could share certain things. I am glad to know that I will at least have peace this year but I also feel sad and angry and I don’t want it to ruin the holidays, especially for my children. As a single working mom, its tough anyway, add in the damage from my N and it seems doubly hard. Does anyone have any suggestions?
Do you have other family members? Good friends? If not, what I did the years that I was abandoned by my family for divorcing my husband, I went out to a nice restaurant with my family. It was quiet, but very nice. It changed the atmosphere. My oldest son’s birthday is X-mas Eve, so we went to this German restaurant, where they sand Christmas carols and the place was hopping. On Christmas it was dinner at my home, and the boys went with their father and his family (Ugh!).
My best friend, when she went through a divorce and had no-one in her life. She made the best meal for her kids and her. She even got out the nuts and nut crackers, etc. She didn’t scrimp on her trimmings. I was so proud of her. She said, “They are my kids and they deserve a nice holiday.” So, whatever you do, make the best of it, later go out to a movie with your family, or something out of the norm. The kids will truly appreciate it, and probably tell you it’s the best holiday they ever had.
When I say my family betrayed me, it wasn’t my children I am talking about, it was my parents, etc. I mentioned going to dinner with my family, I meant my sons and I.
Leelee, just try to do the best that you can. It is still early days for you. Christmas is a trying time. I for one will try to be here to support you if you need it.
Mariel has good advice. It is a time that many of us can identify difficult times with, for me it was more the thinking about it then the going through it that was a problem, I hope that is how it works out for you. Dont get me wrong, the holidays have been fraught for three years now, but this year, our fourth apart, I am pretty cool and optimistic. Excited even. There will be no drama! and if there is, I would hope to be largely unaffected. The buttons just dont work the way they used to.
It might be your worst christmas ever - sorry, but it MIGHT be, the positive in that being - things can only get better, and that’s good ya?? Lets face it, christmas when we are WITH them is a nightmare anyway! it might all come good and they might be the [perfect host and charming party guest etc, but WE know the run up with them has been a NIGHTMARE - they do NOT do teamwork!
Whatever happens, you WILL survive it
xx
Thanks for the advice. Tonight my youngest daughter wanted me to play some christmas carols for her on the piano and I did ok. My N always had to have a live tree so he threw out our artificial one. My kids are looking forward to getting a new artificial tree and putting it together. Its funny the things kids see as traditions. I have made plans to go do some of the things I always loved but didn’t go to because he hated them and he made my life hell if I went and made fun of me. There is a singing christmas tree here and a christmas parade in the small town we lived in that the kids always loved. I have taken off work that day so that we can do. At least Christmas looks like its going to help me remember my old self and that I have a right to enjoy things and get to do the things that I want to do. I won’t miss his holier than thou attitude.
LELEE , you and your kids go to town putting up christmas stuff and singing carols.This will be my first x mas N free too. and i am going to do it up right. My x n always had to have things his way too,so i am looking forward to soing it my way. you go girl!!
— On Sun, 11/16/08, lelee npd-cpt11016@lists.careplace.com wrote:
From: lelee npd-cpt11016@lists.careplace.com
Subject: Re: [npd] What about the holidays?
To: heyroxann@yahoo.com
Date: Sunday, November 16, 2008, 7:18 PM
lelee
good for you, playing christmas carols. that is just awesome. Your kids will be very grateful to you for giving them a wonderful Christmas of togetherness and no hatefulness that an N can bring. I am so proud of you! you are a great role model for me. It looks like if they drag their feet then I will be alone out here in hawaii. i will make the best of it if i can…
you are great for your kids. what an amazing mommy!