What do I do with my life now?

Narcissistic personality disorder
#1

My husb is in jail for a DUI I did not know he had. He has I recently found out molested my daughter. There are so many lies he has told that I don’t even try to sort through them anymore. On top of that, he is an alcoholic and kept saying how proud he was of his sobriety, funny thing is we have kept finding beer stashed in all kinds of places. So that is another lie. My life feels like hell. I don’t think I will ever be the same. I don’t think that I will get over this or be ok. I keep breathing in and breathing out, going to work, seeing my therapist, trying to make a life but its so hard. I sure would love to hear how others are coping with so much pain.

Leelee

#2

Yes sweetie, it does get easier. I can understand the disbelief/anger/sadness. Just keep doing what you’re doing.

Take it one day at a time.

Love and Strength.

-Nancy

#3

molesting children/teens is the lowest of the low…i hope he gets his’come uppance"…bastard.

#4

Wow, you’re in deep. I can give you the first step since that’s all I’ve been able to do.

You got to get away from that situation. Easier said then done I’m sure.

I wish you strength.

#5

As somebody smarter then me once said, “This too shall pass”. That phrase got me through some tough times.

As far as who will come out on top in your situation, my money is on you lelee.

#6

I’m sure you’ve never thought about getting away from the situation. Sorry to be so flip when you are so obviously close to pulling your hair out.

If it’s any comfort, you’ve found a place full of people who’ve had various dirty tricks played on them. I just recently found this place and the info and familiar stories have made me glad that I did.

I’d say you’re heading in the right direction. Maybe use that to overcome. Maybe get your satisfaction by not letting that special someone rob you of your dignity.

I think a lot of us are saying- what now? That’s the big question.
We got to figure out what ran over us and then go from there I guess.

All the best to you lelee

#7

Yes I’m in deep. I thought I loved this man. During the week that we were separated, he got on the phone and started calling all of my friends and telling them that I was crazy. He is a psychologist, although a very impaired one. I guess it suited him to have me look crazy so that he wouldn’t have to take any responsibility. I also found out that he had signed up to join the peace corp. Does he not know that they do careful background checks? Now he doesn’t want to speak to me" for legal reasons" whatever that means. I guess it helps him to feel important. It looks very much like he was planning to flee the country. I have found out in recent weeks that there are a lot of witnesses to all of the dirt that he dealt, including molesting my daughter. He actually asked someone not to tell on him and get him in trouble. I am new to this whole concept but I am catching on. Ideas? Opinions? I am grateful for now that he is in jail until at least November so he is gone. Then the police are conducting a sexual abuse investigation on top of that. I hope that they will charge him. I hope I hope.

#8

I have found that Al-Anon has helped me. Also talking to that one person that you can trust. Information is a powerful tool. Find out all you can about the different options you could take. The District Attorney’s office could help if there is criminal activity. I like to make lists, lists of who could be contacted that may have helpful information and what they say when I have contacted them. I have been so afraid I did not feel like I could take the next breath, I have also found out that there are people to talk to.

#9

I coped through the hardest times with the help of people who love me…family to some extent, but friends even more so.

I spoke to many of them daily on the phone and spent time with them socializing, having fun and laughing two or three times a week no matter how bad I felt or how much I wanted to cocoon.

Its no exaggeration to say they saved my life.

#10

LeLee,
The first thing you need to do is report the child sex abuse to your Department of Children’s Services and your local law enforcement agency. It is a crime not to report this and you could be charged. Check for the closest Children’s Advocacy Center in your area and give them a call. They are a wonderful source for you and your child. They provide counseling for the non offending parent. I don’t know what state you are in, but you can call your District Attorney’s Office and ask them if your state is a one party or two party state. If it’s a one party state you need to start taping every conversation that you have with your husband. If it is a one party state those calls will be admissable in court. The children’s advocacy center will also provide excellent counseling for your child…you didn’t mention the age so I’m not sure if that’s beneficial or not. They also provide the medical exam to check for medical evidence. I know your life is turned upside down at the moment and I don’t know what family resources that you have. You can also check with the law enforcement agency to see if there is a local womens shelter or Safe House. The first priority is the safety of your child and yourself. Please don’t be afraid to reach out for help. You can do this.

#11

Ok…sorry…I didn’t read your second post. I’m so glad you are talking with law enforcement. Surround yourself with good people.

#12

Somebody please tell me that as the days pass this does get easier. Some days I am so sad and all I want to do is cry. Some days I am angry enough to well you get the picture. Sometimes I still can’t believe that this is all real. Yes I know about the stages of grief. But when you’re standing in the middle of it, its entirely different

#13

'What do you do with your life now?'
Well…you start living…for yourself!

You do realize by now that your life was ‘hijacked’ by this person.
Everything you were ‘made to believe in’ was a lie.

I’m sorry to hear what he did to your daughter. THAT IS NOT DONE!

I know right now the mess seems too much to handle. But what you are doing sounds great! You are taking it one day at a time and that is what is going to get you through this.

I’m glad he’s in jail right now (where he belongs). Just hang in there sweetie. Just get your hands on ANY evidence you can (seems to be quiet a lot). Just do what you can to protect yourself and your family.

This man is bad news!

#14

We are already into all of that.  Department of Children’s Services, the police, the local child advocay center, etc etc.  My husband is currently in jail on DUI charges amongst other things, open container, driving without a license etc etc.  He will not speak to me.  Somehow he has painted me as the bad guy in all of this.  I am just so heartbroken and feeling so betrayed…its unreal.  Thanks for your email
Lelee

-----Original Message-----
From: Mae West npd-cpt10024@lists.careplace.com
To: ladyleelee911@aol.com
Sent: Mon, 11 Aug 2008 5:21 am
Subject: Re: [npd] What do I do with my life now?

#15

Good girl. Just know that you are not alone.

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----- Original Message ----
From: lelee
To: detlawlady@yahoo.com
Sent: Monday, August 11, 2008 2:06:45 PM
Subject: Re: [npd] What do I do with my life now?

#16

lelee…cry your heart out…it will do you good…your stress levels must be sky high,and i can pROMISE you that you will come out of this a stronger wiser person…it was NEVER your fault…and its his shame to deal with…

#17

I promise…it does get easier. And by easier I mean that the roller coaster ride of emotions will start to not go so high or so low and the instances of going up and down will get farther and farther apart.
In the other thread about the effects of stress and dealing with these issues on the body I can relate to as well. My stress started manifesting it’s self in physical ailments that I had no control over…or I thought I didn’t. I was trying to treat the physical problems…instead of treating what was causing them. Once I figured that out my physical symptoms have eased, but not without doing some damage.
That being said. Just know that everything you are feeling is normal. It’s normal feelings to an abnormal situation. Take care of yourself and your children first…and in that same thought…don’t cheat yourself. When you fly on a plane one of the instructions they give you is when the masks drop down to always put yours on first, then help others. That’s because you can’t help anyone else if you are deprived of oxygen. So take good care of yourself so you can be strong for your family. Surround yourself with good, caring, uplifting people.