hello, my mom has a tumor on pancreas and liver, can’t eat , losing weight, going for mri in 2 days. my brother and i know these are the signs of terminal pancreatic cancer in its late stage. trying to make sure her doctor will call me before giving her the results. her and dad still seem to have hope. it crushes me to know what shes in for. any advice as to what to do or say when the bomb is dropped? blessings and strength to all.
I’m so sorry to hear about your mom. Thankfully, there are places like this that we can come to and say what we need to say and people understand. My husband has stage 4 pancreatic/liver cancer and was diagnosed about five months ago even though he had it for more than a year prior to that.
It is very possible that the results of the MRI won’t be good. It’s very possible that your mom has an idea of what’s going on. Is there any way that you could go with her and your dad to the appointment with the doctor when she gets the results of the MRI? That way you would be there with them when they get the report, and could act as a support to both of them. It may take a few days for the reality of the diagnosis to truly set in, and your role could be that of a supportive/loving family member. When Gary’s doctor told us about the PC and the stage, he said he was glad that both of us were there. So often just the “patient” gets the bad news, and is overwhelmed by what they are being told and may not always remember everything that was said.
My feeling with my husband, is that decisions need to be his. I will support whatever he decides, but as long as he is capable, he needs to be able to make those decisions.
There is no easy way to give anyone this kind of news, and my feeling is that it would be easier on everyone if the news comes from the doctor rather than you having to tell your parents.
Take care of yourself too! Keeping you in my prayers.
Diane
thank you so much, i can’t tell you how good it is to hear your words. blessings to you and your family.
sunflower, hello again,
how are you? do you find time to do things for yourself as often caregivers can become quit selfless. i allready feel a little guilt for having good moments with my boyfriend.
how is gary right now? what stage is he at? is he at home? when you say he was happy that ‘we’ were there, are you refering to children?
hope today was a good day and that tomorrow will be even better.
with care
souli
Hi Again Souli …
I guess I didn’t make myself clear when I was writing about our appointment to the doctor. The DOCTOR said he was glad that we both were there when he gave Gary the news about his PC. If the patient goes alone to the appointment, often they are overwhelmed by the news and don’t always remember everything that the doctor said. His doctor said that many times the spouse make another appointment, go in together and the doctor goes over the reports again.
Our “kids” are grown … I have two daughters in Iowa and Gary has a son who is currently attending university. I also have seven grandkids. Thankfully, with the internet I’m able to keep in fairly close contact with them. Gary does have two siblings that live about an hour from us. They are here quite often and are wonderful about helping me do things.
I hope you can go with your parents when they get the results. It would save you having to tell them … and you would be there in a supporting role and be fully aware of what’s going on.
Listen to me closely … NEVER, NEVER, NEVER feel guilty for having some “normal moments in your life” and enjoying them. Your life right now is filled with enough sadness with your dad being ill and your parents would want for you to be happy. Spend as much time as you can with your parents and build memories.
This life is a journey, and we go forward one step at a time and one day at a time. We never know how long those we love will be with us and we just need to cherish the time that we have.
I’m going to post something I read several years ago … I’ll start another thread … it’s called The Lioness!
Take care of yourself. Take a deep breath and move forward.
Take care,
Diane
Souli …
I forgot to answer part of your question.
Gary is home. Other than a few days in the hospital, he has remained at home. He has Stage 4 PC and there are also spots on the liver.
Some days are quite good for him yet, and some days he hardly gets out of bed. His pain level varies, but he has extra morphine he can take for the breakthrough pain. He does have quite alot of problems with his stomach and bowels. I guess with the PC that is to be expected, because quite often those organs are also involved in the cancer.
We do have Extra Mural nurses who come to the house. I was an LPN in the USA and they have been wonderful about “refreshing” me about setting up the IVs, IV meds and other cares. I’ve been taking care of those things for Gary for the last few weeks now. The nurses come at least weekly … check in with us and restock our supplies, and are on-call 24/7 so they are as near as a phone call.
Days Gary feels like being up and around, or going somewhere we do exactly that. Sometimes he just wants to go for a drive, other times go visit friends. A couple of weeks ago he went to the Legion for their monthly breakfast and also that same day went to play bingo in the afternoon. He was quite tired the next couple of days, but it was a worthwhile tired.
It’s hunting season here right now and Gary has always loved hunting. Friends have picked him up and they have driven the backroads looking for game/birds. He built a tree stand a few years ago about 1/2 mile from our house and he’s been there THREE times this year (with friends) and nothing could have made him more happy. He helped his sister get her deer, and took a friend into town to register his deer. We have quite abit of wildlife in our back meadow and Gary loves to watch them. He might not be able to get out and walk for miles this year through the woods, but is still involved in the season and is contented.
I am taking care of myself. I’ve learned long ago that if I don’t do that I’m of no good to anyone else. Thanks for asking, and for caring.
Take care!
Diane
Souli …
Have you gotten the results of the mri yet?
Diane
hello diane , blessings to gary,
how are you really doing? are you tired? do you sleep well? its so good to hear that gary has so much will in him. and what good friends to take him out to enjoy his favorite sport!
my mom, definately has cancer , a tumor in the liver and nodes in the pancreas but they’re still working on finding the origins. i spent so much time with her and did what i could to help out. she seemed to really appreciate that. i got surprise praises from dad and brother too, seems i’m helping them out too by being with mom when i can. doc sais maybe ovarian cancer, we’ll know soon. i think a biopsy is next. i saw a therapist and spoke to a surgeon friend. he said i should detach my self from the disease but not disconnect, and try to enjoy what moments we can together with out reminding ourselves and mom, about the cancer often. i definately noticed a day by day approach is best. any coping advice?
much love,
souli
Hi Souli …
In answer to your questions, I feel I’m doing as well as can be expected given the circumstances. I do get tired, and don’t sleep well most nights. Gary had about four rough days and took quite abit of extra morphine. Monday he slept most of the day and when he was awake he was crying alot and that was hard for me to see. Broke my heart. Yesterday and today he has been stronger, awake more, up more, eating a little better and the pain seems better controlled. Never know from day to day how things will go, so it’s hard to prepare sometimes. It’s definitely been a up and down rollercoaster ride somedays.
I’m glad that you were able to spend the extra time with your mom, and it sounds like both your dad and siblings appreciated that very much too. Sounds like good advice your doctor friend gave you … showing love and respect for both your parents, and focusing on the time spent with them rather than the illness. Sounds like you’re doing as much as possible for them right now, and I know how much they must appreciate it.
I’m hoping it won’t take too long to find the origin of the cancer, and that treatment will be possible.
Sounds like a day-by-day approach works best for you as well. Trust your gut instincts and just go with what you feel is best at the time.
Keeping your family in our prayers.
Love ya too!
Diane