Why breakin up is so difficult

Narcissistic personality disorder
#1

This is a chapter from the book “Help I’m In Love With A Narcissist” after reading the recent posts I thought this important.

Why breaking up with a Narcissist is especially difficult

We asked people why they thought breaking up with a narcissist was particularly painful. Here are some of the reasons they gave:

  • You never really understand what happened or why it didn’t work; you lack a sense of closure.
  • You don’t understand why your partner refuses to do anything to save the relationship.
  • You can’t figure out why your partner seems angry with you.
  • It feels as though nothing that happened between the two of you was real.
  • Your partner acts as though he/she wants you to continue to be loving and supportive even as you are being rejected.
  • You can’t get over the feeling that you did something wrong or that you are somehow responsible for not making the relationship work.
  • You feel as though your partner doesn’t see you realistically and doesn’t know who you are.
  • Any tendencies you have to be jealous are being fanned by your partner’s behavior.
  • You feel as though he/she is the only person who can make you feel better.

The book gives an explanation for each reason and if I typed them all here I would be typing for days. If anyone needs an explanation for a specific reason I will gladly type it for you in a private message.

#2

doubledee, You have come so far, your efforts to understand and work your way through this, are helpng so many others right now. I don’t have that book in my impressive self help library, I am going to order it now. I am a work in progress also. The more knowledge we have the less power they have over us. Thank you Hugs mamolie

#3

Ive just ordered the book…managed to find someone in england who was selling it ! Now I watch the post with great anticipation…

thanks again

#4

I am on my way to Barnes and Noble.The more we know about this illness,the more POWER we gain over the emotions we feel regarding the N`s.We have to keep reminding ourselves that their minds are disordered.
Healed1

#5

OMG thanks so much for this…I think I need to read this book …I agree with all the points…its all so mind numbing really n I could just sit and cry but Ive cried far too much over him :frowning:

why is it so hard to stay strong and positive ?

#6

I read that book months ago and found it helpful at the time, but then after my mother died in May and we got back together after a 2 1/2 month break (NC whatsoever), I basically buried my head in the sand and began with my “magical” thinking. That is to say that the pain of losing my dear mother was too much and I absolutely could not bear to deal with losing him too. So I pushed that book, which was and is very enlightening, to the back of my mind.

All of the explanations listed below make total sense and i know that now. I am taking my head back out of the sand and I am ready to face the truth. It is hard to break up when you cannot get closure and when they keep contacting you for their own selfish reasons. Also, I can identify with the fact that he seems to be the only one who can make me feel better and I HATE that. He is poison to me and I cling to him with foolish magical thoughts that will never materialize.

Lucia

#7

Thank you everyone! I’m so glad I’m able to give back to this forum and the people who have helped me so much. I’m happy you’re either getting the book or choosing to reread it. I am reading it again and using it as reference. Every time I feel weak I pick up that book and start reading. More than once while I was reading I got so pissed off I wanted to throw it across the room! I hate what I’ve been through! What I put myself through, I HATE IT!!! And I never want to go back there again. Read anything you can on Narcissim and relationships, I find these books so very helpful.

#8

Hey DD:

Thanks for posting. The cretins…ugh. I read that book as well…it’s good one.

Don’t have a lot of time but also wanted to make sure folks knew about “When your Perfect Partner Goes Perfectly Wrong”…think the author’s name is Mary Jo Fay.

After all the other Narc type books (got lots of them), it’s Fay’s book that truly helped me go forward. If some of you don’t have that one, I highly recommend it.

Chipper