He is now on week 8 of the interferon therapy. My gut feeling tells me that I can not take much more. One minute this man is what I would consider “ok” and then all of a sudden I fear that he could hurt me or one of the children. My therapist has told me to just realize in the bad moments that it is not me, but the meds that are making him being sooooo ugly. It is really hard to that when he is in my face and striking me with so much fear that I feel like I am just frozen and helpless. He tells me that he can not even stand himself anymore (I tell myself in my own head, oh really well how do you think I feel) but I never say anything back. It is sooooooooo hard on me. I am completely on my own raising 4 small children and I have a man that is not only physically sick but is very mentally sick. His head doc just put him on yet another med that is used on people with bipolar disorder and after about a little over a week of him taking it I have noticed that he is talking and some times screaming in his sleep. He woke me up 3 nights ago while we are on vacation by punching me in my chest. Needless to say that I hope that I do not have to sleep in the bed with him again until he gets off all these meds. since I am afraid that I might get more than just a punch next time. He has been horrible with his temper and his words. He is not only making me feel like the size of a ant, he is doing it to the children also. On our 7 hour drive to Emerald Isle, NC this past week he treated the kids like they were in boot camp would say mean and hurtful things to them. I am really the type of person that can take alot of abuse and I am talking about mental and physical, but when it comes to children that are being molded into who they are going to be I am having a real hard time convincing myself to stick it out with him. I don’t for one minute want my sons to think that his behavior is okay and I am sure that they do not understand the whole medicine is making daddy be like this bit. My husband is a liar and a con and he will not tell the doc how BAD he is in fear of him stopping the treatment all together so he will just lie and tell the docs that he is fine and the next minute be choking me and tell me that he is going to break every bone in my face. I really think that they need to lower his dosage of Ribivarin, but I am not a doc., but that is my opinion. I have been told that that is the one that makes you crazy in the mind more than the peg. injection. Thanks for reading my venting session and if anyone has any input or suggestions, I would love to hear them. I hope all is well with everyone and thank you to all my friends that have been supportive and sending me hugs.
Julsbran