Your N-Ex as a child

Narcissistic personality disorder
#21

Healed said…My n is an only child to a doting mother.They were quite close,and she would call him occasionally to ask if he had eaten.She would also question wheather he was safe on the streets of certain neighborhoods and be worried about him.She was also very concerned about his dating and relationship patterns,telling him to move slowly and to be careful.Apparently each time a relationship ended and he suffered from dwindling or loss of Narcissistic supply,he would go into a dark state and mother would have to babysit him.

Healed, my ex was also an only child. He is also adopted. His mother died in front of him at the age of 18 of a stroke… According to him, she was constantly in the hospital for high blood pressure when he was a child and he was constantly worried about her.

His father died of cancer the year we were divorced… We both have abandonment issues and we both discuss them with each other today… His abandonment issues stem from being adopted and never told by his parents, finding out from a friend, although he always suspected; as well as, his mother dying when she did. Apparently she doted on him as well, dressed him in the best, suit and ties and such, and gave him everything… When his mother died, his father took over the doting and he lived with his father paying no bills, etc…with a credit card that his father paid for…therefore, the reason behind our financial problems with we were married.

I definitely believe that these childhood isssues have impacted him as an adult…he is definitely not a responsible person, but I will give him kudos for working on it…

TJ

#22

spiralupwards:

That family I was referring to was my ex-in-law’s. HOwever, as much as I love my family, there are a few “queens” and “princesses” in our house that my sister and I have had our share waiting on, and then there is our dear ol’ dad who too has his own issues.

#23

apologies…family "dynamics"can be a complete pain in the backside…without Ns which can make it x20 a pain!

#24

Oh! I love this thread! My ex N-hubby was a really ‘sad’ child. I remember once while we were still married. His family was over and we were all going through his childhood pictures.
My ex-in-law’s way of perceiving was so very different from my own. e.g in one picture my ex-N hubby was posing with some school awards and I thought he had such a sad look in his eyes. But my ex- mom-in-law saw that picture and said ‘Look at this one! Eyes brimming with confidence!’

Maybe I am the crazy one but he had such sad eyes as a child, in all his photographs.

#25

the eyes are the windows to the soul…? fancynancy…i think its that sad look that partly draws us to them.
Its hard for compassionate.caring people who are TOGEATHER enough themselves to be able to GIVE insted of take…to RESIST this sad look…we take on their pain…love or masochism?

#26

What a statement, “The eyes are the windows to the soul.” Has any of you seen the eyes as being “hollow-like?” For years, my husband didn’t even have to say anything, his eyes did all the work, and he could get me into a real tail-spin. But after I researched (until the cows came home) about narcissism and it’s affects, I saw my ex-husband so different. I even saw his eyes as “hollow like,” and his gestures as “robotic.” I am not kidding, I felt like he was a man without a soul.

#27

We were walking through the middle of a park downtown at night and there was a group of young thug-looking guys we didnt know and I looked over at my exN, who by all standards is already intimidating looking (a look he cultivated for years) and there was this real killer look in his eyes, like he was poised for a fight, a visaul warning for the guys not to bother unless they wanted trouble. I was impressed at the time, I kinda liked the feeling of being “protected” by a macho intimidating guy.

I think there’s some part of me thats like a cavegirl wanting to be dragged back to the cave by my hair that he tapped into.

But the rest of the time my ex’s eyes were very hard to see. He kept them hidden behind slits, like he was always squinting. Dark brown eyes hidden behind brown skinned lids, then add sunglasses. It made “contact” difficult to get.

Know what I remember? That when he was scamming, hoodwinking, trying to talk someone unsuspecting into doing what he wanted, giving them the “hard sell” he would blink a lot…a LOT.

It was almost like a tremor.

#28

I don’t hear it discussed much in the online NPD world, but I’ve seen it pop up from time to time. Some of the personality disorders sometimes pick up tourettes like tics, and that kinda reminded me of it. My ex picked up a really quirky tick that would come up now and again. It seemed to come around when she was worried about being exposed, or having a very difficult time getting that false persona working.

#29

waastedyouth…sounds like a robot going into’malfunction"my long-term N used to tick too…when he was out of his “comfort zone”…!and my father had weird ticks too…malfunctions?

phoemixx…funny you should say that…my ex avoided eye contact at all cost…looked sideways and was freaked out by direct open looks…sort of withered him…and yes…i agree with the cave man thing too…lol

mariel…my exs pupils used to go BLACK to the outside like he was dead when he was in a severe rage…looked really weird and zombit-like…it was quite frightening to look at.
and i do agree that their stare is eery…and they talk with thier eyes…not with expressions…like puppets really

#30

I know, and I too forgot, he never had eye contact with you either, and ironically before I got married, my father said to me, “it’s very telling when a guy can’t look you in the eye, and your boyfriend seems to not be able to.” I never forgot that, and now it’s very telling to me.

#31

My ex made lots of eye contact, almost creepy and even inappropriate most of the time. I thought it was a twinkle in her eye, but in turned out to just be the crazy.

#32

the histrionic types seem to stare,to see whos watching,for attention…the obsessive compulsive ones seem to stare threateningly,like trying to control…and the paranoid types seem to avoid it and get freaked out,(i have noticed,)and act like dogs do with eye contact…there is a lot in a look isnt there…!
(perhaps this should be on’how to spot an n.)