Dear lovedogsall,
I think that no matter at what age, it is always difficult (both emotionally and financially), so you don’t sound pathetic at all. If you believe you sound pathetic, this may be because you’re blaming yourself for the stresses you have in your life. In fact, it an admirable to go back to school at 47; your challenges are not in vain. It is not your fault that someone leaves you out of the blue (that says something about that person as well), or that someone has become withdrawn.
You do not own their behaviors, so you shouldn’t take it upon yourself to feel rejected or sad. If their behaviors are sporadic or withdrawn, you’re probably better without them. Don’t waste your compassion and love on those who don’t deserve it! Work on your financial situation without mentally degrading yourself. By the way, reconnecting with your friends doesn’t mean you have to be financially stable first. Instead, they should be your support system during this difficult time. I’m sorry your therapist made you feel like a freak or loser - but that just means you shouldn’t let someone make you feel that way. If you feel like they are saying or implying something mean, speak up for yourself. I always find that when I take a stand, I always feel better, rather than to walk away allowing condescending remarks to float in my head.
Your financial situation will get better - but don’t chastise yourself during the road to success. Treat yourself the way you would treat someone else - kindly. These are not criticisms, but rather things I have learned to make myself feel better. If you are like me, my bad days are when I choose to dwell on problems without reappraising them (thinking about them and trying various solutions). However, when I do the latter, I find I have much better days. And I think this forum is one way of dealing with our anxiety, so don’t feel pathetic at all.
I hope you feel better soon.
