So, do you think we should get our own label? It seems like dealing with an NPD disorder has a pretty extreme effect on a lot of people and changes them in fundamental ways. Do you think the effects of being with an N causes a disorder or a syndrome of its own?
A syndrome?the syndrome simply… breaking peoples hearts…leaving them confused,and so very very hurt…call it HBCH syndrome perhaps?
I reject Inverted Narcissist and I dont even feel co-Narcissist fits me very well either, although I can appreciate many people who find themselves with N partners had a N parent.
There’s something insidious about our experiences. Its not just that our hearts were broken, or that we were lied to
there something about
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loving a hologram thats mind-f’ing
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cherished and devalued constantly thats mind f’ing
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manipulated and twisted so that all of the problems become our responsibility
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the confusion – the creation of all-pervasive confusion that was mind f’ing
that makes us survivors of something different than say just a crime, or a plane crash or some other emotional or physical catastrophe.
Not that that makes us any more precious as victims/survivors of N’s as victims /survivors of other things
but that theres some kind of unique fucked-up-ness we end up with that I dont find much written about as resources for our recovery
my therapist suggested this week that I consider writing a book which I find preposterous, I dont even really understand what happened to my mind yet, let alone how to unravel it
I understand what he did, the choices, the actions, the motivations, the deficits and weaknesses and all his compensations and defenses
but I still dont quite get what happened to my insides
or how to right it
so I have no clue what word to use for a label
all I know is, this is membership in a club I never wanted
Other then PTSD survivor, I’d like the label “the normal one”.
when I find myself back in “normal” again, I’ll gladly slap that one on my backside
How about “emotionally drained”.
Also, we are “normal” for what we’ve been through. Can’t say the same about our counter parts.
you can Google Alan Rappoport and co-narcissist
My N when I mentioned the N disorder sent me info on paranoia and told me I also had a mental condition, that his behaviour was because of my paranoia, not a product of it. Maybe Screw Loose would be a good name because that is how I sometimes feel. Can’t find the correct size spanner to tighten it LOL.
As true as it may be that we were “broken by narcissists”, I can already see the proud smile on the N"s face if they were to hear that.
thats likely
however
what he thinks about anything, including me or my opinions is of absolutely no concern to me anymore
ahhh, what do I know? I just discovered I may be that inverted narcissist with schizoid PD.
Great, another can of worms.
As regards the 'co-narcisst thing/label…a co-N would fel happy in such a relationship?..which is not the case with people on here…furthermore the inverted one would see the N as a mirror of themselves and’get off"on that?
From what i read,people just seem to be to/very empathatic and have a lot to give!is that SUCH a bad thing?is it a disorder to be a compassionate unselfish person?it seems to be that sometimes coupled with strength and liking a challenge?
I’ve read the Rappoport article a number of times now, although not for a few weeks, I dont recall reading they are happy being with N’s, I believe thats the inverted narcissist.
my mother is a co-n and it works quite wll for the,…they sort of spark off each other…but she is in charge really…shes sort of passive/agressive.the quiet one.
My understanding, which is limited because its only from Rappoport’s article is that co-N’s are depressed and anxious when theyre “in role” while inverted narcissists, which I recall vaguely from Vaknin’s article, are happy to be the foil to the N, as though its their “calling”.
Your theory about being “in-role” and being the “foil” is like my comparison to professional wrestling.
Wrestlers call that “in-role” thing “kayfabe”. The outcome is pre-determined and the wrestler (or the N if we can relate) who is “put over” needs a “foil”. He needs an opponent to shine.
The N , is going to win (in their mind). It’s just a matter of how much they decide to let you, “the foil” shine.
In wrestling they have a guy who makes these determinations. I’ve always been fascinated by the process. In our lives, we seem to have N’s decide how much they are going to let us shine.
yep…my mum is a very anxious person…but they have been togeather for 50 yrs…and her father was a bIG N so she knows how to deal with it…(dont know how she stands my father,but different strokes for different folks as they say!)
she calls him all the things under the sun one minute…but still loves him and will not hear a WORD against him(unless its coming from her…lol)
hmmm
I was anxious in my relatioNship too and I think I had fleeting moments of happiness but they were always tainted with the reality that the overwhelming majority of the time I was hurtin’.
I never got to complacency though, and I think thats the difference between a co-N and an inverted N.
maybe thats what you meant by “happy”?
i think you are sooo right here…complacency…my mother seems to ride the ups and dpwns…but she admits its hard work…and quite often ive heard her say…“ill bloody kill him in a minute"real passive agressive stuff…but she controls him in a way…because he cant get a’rise’out of her”…an example is…when he wants an arguement(she wont argue) she calmly says…ill speak to you when you are in a better mood tomorrow perhaps".and he throws a tantrum and says’its not the same then"and goes into a big sulk…
ive just had a scary thought…perhaps through pure projection/introjection…we feel as they do?have we "taken in"their feelings?