Dealing with a N sister who has taken it upon herself to alianate me from my entire family including my 2 daughters!

Narcissistic personality disorder
#1

I was introduced to your site by a good friend who suffers from anxiety disorder and I also suffer from that one too along with a narcisist sister who has taken this to the point of calling my entire family and letting them know she thinks I am abusing pain meds. which is not the truth.

In fact I have been on Pres. pain meds. for 12 yrs. now due to after the death of my father I suffered with my first 3 day migraines then they just kept happening every week sometimes it got so bad I would end up in the hospital and it was getting to be so frequent my migraines I would sometimes suffer with them every day and this went on for years.

Well then I went to work taking care of the elderly after my mom died and ended up hurting my back on the job. I was layed up for 3 months then it got a little more bearable but still suffered from severe pain at times which was almost everday then I went and saw a neurologist and they took an MRI of my lower spine and found I had a buldging disk and sciatic nerve damage down my left leg, which has caused my leg to become very weak and can hardly climb stairs at this point.

I have started to see my therapist over all this humiliation from my family accusing me of being a drug addict, but like I said I have always been so careful because for one I don’t want to ruin my liver or kidneys and another I still want to be able to function in life not be all drugged up so I can’t even drive or function in my daily life! How do you suggest I can convince this sister even though I have made up my mind they have all put me through such a nightmare year(by the way I have no desire to ever accept an apology after this abuse they all have put me through) with all these accusations how do you suggest I can retaliate, I have written them all vicious e-mails out of my complete rage of being accused I’m something I am not!

And all they do is act like I am full of hate (which right now I am) and don’t respond only with each other like slandering a sister is fun to them and they are all thoroughly enjoying ruining my life and reputation, by the way I call this N sister large and in-charge which she is all of that and then some she thinks she knows it all and believes and has my family believing I need to hit rock bottom to realize I need help?? My therapist believes I am not a drug abuser and my family is on a witch hunt and believes coming from such a dysfunctional family (my parents were severe alcoholics) this doesn’t surprise her because my family consists of mainly women and I have been told they can be the most impossible to deal with when it comes to again, slandering a sister just for the fun of it??

Does anyone have any other ideas about how I can get rid of this hatred I am holding on to for over 6 months now, I have realized my hateful e-mails are doing nothing but giving them the attention they are probably seeking but some days I wake up soo angry about this whole nightmare I can’t control the rage I am feeling at the time I write them these e-mails and thats why my friend suggested this site so I can vent my frustrations with other people like me dealing with this crazy narcissist sister who by the way used to be my quote unquote closest sister??

#3

Milly, have you ever tried yoga? Yoga helped me in times of extreme anxiety.
It also helps with the spine.

Also, have you tried sports rehab and or accupuncture? I had a bulging disc
in my neck causing nerve pain shooting down my right arm. I never took pain
killers, but I totally understand how you got tied up with them. It is
horrible.

The sports medicine therapy worked for me. I did it for two months and
finally the area that bulged moved away from the nerve endings.

I would let your sister go. I mean, visualize unplugging from the socket. My
brother
has abused me time and time again. I finally realized I just had to shrug my
shoulders and walk away. He knows it too. I have fully accepted that he and
I were not meant to have a relationship (he made it this way, I did not). He
is incapable of loving me or accepting me and I had to let go. What is the
point?I will be sad if and when he passes away, but he has made me feel rotten
about myself time an time again, and that is no way to live.

As to the pain killers, I am sad for you. It is sad to have to be on them.
It causes strain in relationships , no doubt. I would acknowledge that it
might cause strain on family members, but feel secure enough with yourself
that you absolutely have to be on them, with out abusing them.

#4

hi milly
you have done the right thing by using this site. As you say they love it when you retaliate whether by email or whatever. I have found that in dealing with npd people it is best to ignore them. You are right you can vent your emotions safely here. IT doesn’t matter what your family think about you but it does matter how you think about yourself. Many people are falsely accused in life and have to go on and some of them accused of murder and terrible things. The npd knows you and how you function. If you don’t give them anything they are left wondering and may go onto another victim. I try not to read stuff in the papers and watch tv programmes about others misfortunes anymore because I realise that as a society we feed on the private lives of others and it is very destructive. Whether we are right or wrong in our judgement of others I question why we so love to watch or read slander etc. A lot of the time this is given to press by someone who wants the victim to suffer in public.
Take strength from the fact that you are amongst friends and you can unload which will leave you stronger for the future.
x
Ambergirl

#5

I have been friends with Milly for over 20 years. My mother is a narcissist and Milly was there for me when I was a teenager and my mother was out to destroy my childhood and make me out to be a monster.

Milly is doing yoga and other things to get past the pain. But like Milly we both have Fibro and PTSD much of which is from the pain of dealing with a narcissist.

I believe in Milly and KNOW she is NOT abusing pills. I think the pain she feels pyscially and emotionally will be better when she has a safe place to vent like this group.

LOVE YOU MILLY

#6

I suggested yoga to Milly as a pain killer. It does reduce stresses in your
body. I didn’t even realize how much PTSD I had until I was doing yoga. It
made me cry sometimes. But indeed, it helps with the psychological aspects of
narcissistic abuse. You get natural endorphines as well, which helps with
aches and pains similar to morphine.

As to the pain pills, I understand and I certainly wasn’t trying to infer that
she was an addict. I don’t know Milly and I want her to be able to express
herself openly on this forum as well. Pain pills or no pain pills.

AS to your mother vadergrrrl, I empathize with you. When you realize where
it all stems from, it is a very emotional. My parents never told me they
loved me or were proud of me. I think my mother followed my father’s lead.
That is crazy, no matter how you look at it. I tell my kids that I love them
and I am proud of them every day. NOT ONCE did I hear it from either of them.
This will damage the soul eventually.

In my opinion, get the right therapy about your mom, and let her go…Let
her go…Let her go…You can’t change anyone, you can only change
yourself…

#7

Pud I think you give great advice thank you so much. hug. I think this is a great place for sharing, venting and support.

I think Milly is on the defensive so much because she has been so shamed and backstabbed and villified by her N sister. Milly has always been generous and loving with her family. Her sisters, especially her N sister, have been her lifeline, sole support, etc. She fed her N sister’s ego by doing as she said, complimenting her, being her biggest fan, giving her money etc. Once Milly stopped feeding the N Sister ego she cut Milly off and started a witch hunt against her. Typical narcissist behaivor.

Im so glad Milly has a place to vent and get support here. Thank you. Dealing with the wrath of a Narcissist is soooo hard. Especially when most of your life you were in their good graces. Once you do something the N does not like they cast you out and make you suffer.

Thanks again

#8

there’s been a lot of great advice given here so far…in dealing with the narcissistic rages, it’s been critical for me to not react or respond in any way whatsoever…in getting back to the fierce and unbreakable person that i’ve always been underneath…if the worst they can do is backstab and spread lies then hey, they can knock themselves out~it’s just some angry 2-year old tantrums and a desperate cry for attention…i haven’t survived all that i have in my life~which is basically prince of tides meets this boy’s life, get rid of all of my like minded exes, just to lie down and play dead…no one can knock the smile off of my face without my permission and they just can’t have it…in my experience, they’ll throw a fit and simply move onto their next target…

#9

Yes I totally agree thats why I was introduced to this site by my best friend Vadergirrrl and angel has been an angel in my life!! I was waking up so angry everday over my n sisters accussations and false at that and calling the rest of my family and telling them all just to ignore my e-mails, for one I got pretty vicious with all of them thinking they had the right to try and tell me what to do in my life and then they all started writing me these dear john letters because lets face it its more fun slandering a sister and talking about me behind my back and as I wrote in my other letters I was waking up every morning and it was all I could think about and then would start in writing them all very angry letters which according to my therapist I am now seeing I was just adding fuel to their fire by giving them the satisfaction of letting them all know just how angry they had made me, so that is when my friend vadergirrrl told me about this support group and how I could write out my frustrations on here and listen to all of you that are also suffering from these so called narcisists in our lives. And believe me you have the right idea about how to not respond and walk around with a smile on your face and completely put them out of your life!! I have been suffering with this for over 6 months now and need to put a stop to the e-mails I was writing them it was hurting no one but myself, so after my appt. with my therapist today I have agreed not to contact any of them for atleast a week to start and then eventually I am hoping to be out of their lives for good…got to go but thanks for your support and I enjoyed listening to how you are getting along just fine without them in your life as I am going to start doing asap!! Hugs to you and again thanks for your support…Milly

#10

hi milly don’t apologise for long posts because it is better out than in! I personally have kept it in for too long. I was in local paper the other day as I help out at a charity for depression and I bet you my daughter saw the picture and it will have made her sooo angry she hates it if others see me as a nice person. So I am expecting some stuff to happen sooner or later this week. It is amazing how well I know her I am going to stay one step ahead and hopefully she won’t get me unawares!!
luv n hugs amber

#11

that is such good advice. Hard to do at first but you can learn to tune out of their life in most cases. There are cases where the narcissist is physically violent and then you do need to protect yourself. But you mostly are your own worst enemy when you respond to the provocation caused by the lies and slander. In doing so you play right in to their hands. I focus my energy on me and if I feel pain or come across something which is due to my narc daughter causing problems I just buy myself a small pressie or treat. Or do something which I want to do which gives me happiness. It may be just hug my younger children. This means that every negative that she does is a positive for me. And thankfully so far she has only spread lies which like the other poster said are just a 2 year olds tantrums in reality. And only physically hurt me if I let them. I decide therefore to smile and enjoy my freedom.

#12

Dear Ambergirl…You are soo right I have treated this as a death and you do grief because in my case my entire family is dead to me now as awful as that sounds but in reality it is alot like grieving because they are no longer in my life and as you said you have to move on with yours because there is absolutely no control over my situation and I am not going to beg anyone of them back. My daughters will be so different though especially my oldest daughter other than the fact her husband, my son-in-law, has got complete control over my daughter and of course that is her family now and will definitely see her husbands side above her mothers, which to be real honest it hurts me so bad because her and I used to be so close and many yrs. ago she would always be there for me and in her words “she would always have my back” but as you can see because I wrote my son-in-law a cruel e-mail after this alianation started he was calling me terrible things so in return, especially at that time, it was so soon after this horrible abuse had taken place, yes I was very angry more so than I am now, and because of that I wrote him back and accused him of alot of things as he was doing to me, but he left out a letter he had written to me, in other words he never bothered to show his wife, my daughter, just exactly what cruel and abusive things he wrote to me in his letter. I’m not saying what these things were because its all very personal but I was brought up to respect my elders which my son-in-law I guess was never taught because he definitely showed me no respect which I always believed I was nothing but good to them and very generous when it came to gifts at the holidays for all of them including my grandkids of course, and believe me they make so much more than we do but of course I was always the generous one and would make my grandkids Christmas very nice because I was the one who ended up buying mostly all their gifts under the tree and believe me my son-in-laws parents the other grandparents to my grandkids are millionaires so as you can imagine they don’t hurt for anything not counting on what my daughter and son-in-law make a year its alot more than my husband and I and we live very comfortable so you can imagine why I get my feelings hurt and have over all this abuse and they are going along with all of this after my generosity towards all of them…calling me and accussing me of something I am not even close to, so I guess you could call my son-in-law a narcisist too, he has to be in complete control at all times with my daughter and my grandkids who mean the world to me and want them back in my life desperately and hopefully my daughter will stand up to her husband and eventually let my grandkids atleast talk to me on the phone because they do love me alot and not to sound conceited but I am their favorite grandma, grandma Kitty’s is what they call me and I am the only grandma that gives them hugs and kisses all the time unlike their other grandmother is not quite affectionate with her grandkids like I am…so in other words I am their favorite grandmother and I know this has to be hard on them not being able to see me like they used to. I live in Wa. and they live in Reno, NV. but I still used to go see them alot and now its going on close to a yr. and a half since I’ve seen them! Too Long!! Sorry but again I got a little too carried away, but as you can tell I still am having a hard time dealing with this complete nightmare and will until I atleast can see my own grandkids…I’m done, thanks for listening to my long story…Hugs, Milly

#13

Thanks Ambergirl for your response and your handling the situation really good, I guess you just have to realize like in my case that you can keep letting them bring you down to their level or be the bigger person and like my therapist says F___K them and go on with my life as if they don’t exist and I will survive this I have found out I am alot stronger than I thought I was but have not done this alone again like I have said if it hasn’t been for a very supportive friend helping me get through all this abuse and letting me know I was always the generous, supportive and etc… So this is all going to be their loss for one this n sister and I never had a quarrel let alone a fight just because I was always there for her especially being a big fan of her art work and have bought most every piece of art work from her and my other sisters never offer to buy her art work they expect my n sister to give them her art work, but thats the difference between them and me I always felt especially when my n sister first started out at her art shows like I wanted to support and pay for all the art work I ever got from her unlike my other give me a hand out sisters, they just take take take and give her nothing in return thats why I was always this ns sister favorite because I was her biggest fan and again purchased mostly all the art work I ever recieved from her, but thats how the narcisist works you have to praise them and be the one to be there for them especially when it came to her art shows and helping her out but when I was no use to her she cast me aside like a stone and guess what I bet she is kicking herself messing with me because I’m not about to budge and at this very moment will NEVER accept an apology from any of them, I’d never treat a dog the way they have all treated me and they will pay…some day I will give them a taste of what its like being ousted from your so-called family which all I can say now is I have NO family at all!! So as you can tell I have delt with a few narcisists in my family including my husband when he was younger, the older he is getting he’s becoming more humble because for one he doesn’t have his outstanding good looks he used to have and would brag about himself and his muscular body at one time and let his friends and other people think he was this wonderful person he was not especially when him and I were at home alone he turned into this moody, never communicated with me unless it came down to getting intimate then he would be his charming self that he protrayed only out in public of course. So yes I have dealt with these narcisists my whole life but at this very moment only have one, my narcisist sister I am not dealing with well at all for very obvious reasons. Thanks again for letting me vent and as you can tell I am still soo angry but am going to take my therapists advice and ignore all of them and things, I have to admit are getting a little easier as time goes on and I am accepting the fact there is absolutely no way I can change anything anyways so NO MORE e-mails to add fuel to their fire…Milly

#14

I am glad you can see what you have to do milly. Your situation sounds sooooo hard. Your whole family being involved. Thankfully most of mine are dead or so old they can’t play games! You should vent whenever you need to. I have a little book that I carry around with me and when ever I think of something that clarifies the situation or something that is bothering me I write it down. That way I feel I am keeping ahead of the narc. And instead of being in my head going round and round it is out in the open. First it seemed to be just ranting but now I read it back and there are some very good observations in there. I am dealing with my situation but each day I see it more and more clearer and realise it is not my fault. The sooner I let go the sooner I heal. And do you know what the fantastic thing is it is my choice.
I never understood those people who have family members killed and say they forgive the killer…but now I begin to see unless you forgive or let go you can never move on. Forgiving does not mean condoning or letting them win. Maybe forgive is the wrong word but I just mean leaving them behind to do what ever they need to do and getting on with the rest of your life. Now I’m not saying this is easy and I think it is harder with your family say than if it is with say just an ex husband. It is a terrible bond to break but you can do it. I actually feel it is like grief. You grieve for what you have lost but actually you never really had it in the first place because the whole relationship was a sham. And the sham was on their part not yours so you are blameless.
It doesn’t matter what they say or if they like you. But YOU must love YOU!
That is how you win. After all this you gonna be so strong and know so much about psychology etc nobody is gonna hurt you like this again.

#15

Dear Mamolie…thankyou for your beautiful letter and it makes soo much sense I guess we have to learn to be the strong ones to survive their abuse and trying to be close to a narcisist is not possible because like you say they are incapable of loving and it is sad that we have to let them go because it is like a death because as long as I live with all this abuse she has put me through and getting my entire family to go right along with her sickness is far too much for me to handle anymore and the only thing left to do is go on with your life without them and learn to love yourself for the person you are and I know just as you probably know we are good people and it is nothing but their loss losing us in their sick lives.
Take care Mamolie and thanks for your input, it really helps to get other peoples opinions on how they deal with the narcisisit in their lives…Hugs, Milly

#16

pollywhatsit i just have to tell you that your pic is the same as a head f–k person who was on this site for a while… … . … its an imge, I hope its a careplace stock pic, and not something tha means a lot to ya cos its a hell o a coincidence!

xx

#17

Nic…Do you even know what your talking about cause I sure don’t understand a word you said?? I’m sorry for you I think your on the wrong site…Ya think?? Do me a favor and don’t contact me again, your definitely on the wrong site!!and you sound pretty messed up!! I have enough messed up people in my life I don’t need your harrassment ok?? Milly

#18

One more thing Nic are all people from the UK as rude as you if so I sure want NO part of any of you foreigners…stay in your own country and leave us americans alone…ohhh yeah…I think you need to drink one more bottle of wine if your soo bored and take yourself off this site because you have nothing to say other than a bunch of mumbo jumbo and you sure aren’t helping anybody out with your crude comments…am I making myself clear enough for you to understand english??? Milly

#19

Correct me if I’m wrong, but I believe that if there’s a problem with sock puppets it needs to be taken up with a moderator. Without definite proof that something like that is occurring, it shouldn’t really be brought up because it disrupts the forum. Due to past events and the severity of it there’s a bit of a zero tolerance policy for it, and several people have gotten warnings or been out right removed from the forum for doing so, and for bringing up past events that are no longer allowed. Given the circumstances I think thats the best way to handle the situation and it makes a lot of sense.

#20

WOW!!!!!

 that is a very mean response and personal attack from someone who just arrived at careplace and has no clue what has gone on here or MAYBE YOU DO. Nic said pollywhatsit, not millie whats it.  So why that kind of response millie, nic didn't say anything to you at all.

 Some one left care place just recently because of mean attacks and she listed the names to watch out for ,this is on the home page to read, check it out

loonys on careplace:

those 2 names i know for sure to avoid.  the others are suspect... Gaye Dalton Rebornbitch Lor soontobedeleted Oooma Cynthia Echo Blitzen something Doyle

                  "Oooma" is now" porphyria"

  Something is going on again and Nic is not the problem.                                     mamolie

#21

Undone…to your response I have left an apology to all of you who I have obviously upset but my excuse was I didn’t understand a thing Nic was trying to say other than the fact that it sounded like she either didn’t like me because I reminded her of someone that used to be on here that obviously wasn’t tolerated very well by Nic and others in this forum and that Pic is me, nobody else, so again please accept my apologys to all of you that I have offended, I reread my post and realized I came off awfully strong but that post had me totally confused and took it as a slander against me! warm regards to all of you and again I am soo sorry! Milly