WE ALL HAVE CHOICES. YOU HAVE TO MAKE THE RIGHT ONE FOR YOU THAT IS THE HEALTHY ONE FOR YOU. BY YOU CALLING HIM HE STILL FEELS HE HAS ONE OVER ON YOU. HE IS NOT GOING TO CHANGE. YOU NEED TO FOLLOW THRU AND SHOW HIM YOU MEAN BUSINESS. PEOPLE DON’T REALIZE WHAT THEY HAVE UNTIL IT IS GONE AND I THINK HE NEEDS TO REALIZE THAT. MAYBE HE WILL MAYBE HE WON’T. DON’T EVER BLAME YOU FOR THIS. YOU ARE A GOOD PERSON AND HE NEEDS TO KNOW THAT . YOU DON’T HAVE TO PROVE IT TO HIM. HE HAS ALOT OF PROVING TO DO TO YOU. HIS WORTHYNESS OF WHY YOU WOULD KEEP HIM. LIKE I SAID KEEP THOSE NUMBERS HANDY. THIS IS JUST MY OPINION . I AM NOT TRYING TO TELL YOU WHAT TO DO. I KNOW EASIER SAID THEN DONE.
I told you youd have your hands full with doodle walking ANY WAY GOOD FOR Y OU Anna be careful is there a friend you can stay with or stay with you stay strong and stay safe
how is it going anna?
I feel even more down than I did before. I feel like he has won again. He came home while I was really down. I was in a crying fit and guilted me into letting him stay. I actually felt sorry for HIM! Part of me wanted him back, but only the part that was nice and sweet, but unfortunatly it is a package deal. I was so close to being on my way to freedom and I feel like I really screwed it up. Now I sent him the message that he can always come back and I am weak enough to take him back. Thank you guys for all your support. I feel like I have to go back to square one in building up the courage again to get out of this.
I did hopefully send a message that at least I am stronger than he thought…
I am praying that you are alright, hon.
How do people do this and not be so afraid? I think my fear got the best of me. My fear of being alone (emotionally and physically)
anna, believe me everyone who has left an abusive partner is afraid. it took great courage what you did. i imagine that if you had had a friend there with you at the time you might not have been so weak in letting him back in… i won’t repeat what i’ve already written in an email to you : ) we are here for you, don’t lose hope.
YOU MAY HAVE TO START ALL OVER BUT THAT IS OK. NOTHING IN LIFE REALLY GOES SMOOTH ON THE FIRST TRY. WHEN I WAS YOUNGER I ALWAYS FELT I NEEDED TO BE AROUND PEOPLE. NOW I LOVE BEING ON MY OWN. I DON’T KNOW IF I COULD LIVE WITH ANYONE ELSE BESIDE MY SON. HE IS HARDLY HERE AND I ENJOY MY FREEDOM. MAYBE SOMEDAY I WILL BE ABLE TO SAY I DO AGAIN BUT I DON’T KNOW. I DON’T LIKE COMMITMENT. STAY STRONG. YOU WILL BE FINE. KEEP YOUR GUARD UP AND WHEN YOU FALL PICK YOURSELF UP AND TRY AGAIN. YOU MADE THE FIRST STEP AND THAT WAS A START. YOU GO GIRL.
thanks. it means a lot to me that you still have faith in me. i need to find that faith in me. i know it’s there.
anna, if you have never lived alone it can seem daunting. but think of the benefits - your own space (physical and mental) to learn more about yourself! you can do what you like. selfishly! no one else to consider. take evening classes. meet new people. dress how you like. go where you like. come home when you like. decorate your abode in your favourite colours, take up sewing (i’m assuming you don’t lol) and stitch that pup of your’s a big comfy cushion to go with the curtains you’re making next. at first it will seem very frightening - you may have flicker of regrets, you may want to call him… but one step at a time. BABY STEPS : ) towards a more confident and happy you. and you know when you least expect it, because you’re feeling good about yourself, you will meet a wonderful new man. and this time because you are more confident you won’t let anyone treat you this badly ever again. keep strong my sister.
oh it all sounds so exciting- and scary, but more exciting. A life that is mine in which the only one i serve is God. A life where my needs are met- by me! It all sounds so great. I want that… it all seems like a dream
I wish you only the best Anna. You will have to be the one that makes the decision and is ready. Please know that you have a good support system here and that alot of people care about you and have been through similar circumstances. Please take care of yourself!
we are here for you anna : )
thanks so much. I think you are right. Each step I take forward(even if I do take a step back) is reassurance that I am on the right track. What if the next time I just go and file the divorce papers that I’ve been sitting on now for over a year? I mean, there is nothing scary about filing papers, even if they do represent something larger.
Or maybe I can work toward spending the night at a hotel alone, that’s not scary.
Or maybe just send home a few of the boxes I’ve packed. Sending boxes isn’t scary.
From all that I have heard, I will know when the moment comes and I am truly ready. For some friends of mine its been a very uneventful revelation, but they just become ready and decide they are done. Then it’s time to go. I know I will get there. I thought I was there this weekend, but maybe I just need to do a few more less scary things first to get there.
IT IS SCARY BECAUSE HE IS ABUSIVE. BUT YOU NEED TO BE STRONG. YOU MADE A GREAT START. JUST REMEMBER HE WILL NOT CHANGE. YOU HAVE TO CHANGE EVEN IF IT DOES MEAN YOU GOING TO A WOMENS SHELTER FOR A FEW DAYS. HE MAY BE GOOD FOR A FEW DAYS BUT HE WILL RETURN TO THE OLD WAY. YOU WILL KNOW WHEN YOU HAVE HAD ENOUGH AND CANNOT TAKE ANYMORE. ONCE YOU REALIZE YOU ARE WORTH IT AND YOU ARE YOU WILL DO WHAT IS RIGHT FOR YOU AND YOU ONLY. WE ARE HERE FOR YOU BUT DO NOT LET YOUR GUARD DOWN .THERE IS HELP YOU HAVE THE NUMBERS. KEEP ON POSTING SO WE KNOW HOW YOU ARE OK MY FRIEND.
MAJOR HUGS OF SUPPORT
I will keep posting and keep everyone updated. I feel so fragile. I don’t know how to describe it other than that, but I feel better having all my wonderfully supportive friends here. I just need to only let you all see that side of me- and not him anymore. I do it all day at work, only one of my co-workers really knows what my home life is like (other than the rumors that I am sure have gone around) You guys are great. thank you for not judging me.
anna,
That sounds like such a good way to look at things.. one step at a time. "That's not so scary..." I think that you're onto something! I'm truly impressed, in all your emotional and mental confusion, that you could write a post like that one. It's so hard to *see* something like that when all confused. GOOD GOING! It's amazing that you can find that kind of insight in a messy emotional situation!
hugs,
Susie
oh sy,
thanks so much. it IS confusing and terrifying. I am glad I have CP
It gets easier. Trust me. Now I wonder how I could have let him get away with all the things he did to me. I realize that I was in a “bad” place as far as my self esteem and that was how he was able to do what he did to me. I vowed to never allow myself to become that low again. I rarely hear from him now and I don’t hate him but I have lost all respect for him. How could a person stoop so low that they could do what he had done to another human being. He promised to love, honor and cherish me and he just abused me. Fear not our dear Anna. The day will come when this will just be a memory. It will take many long nights to get to that day but, the day will come. You will see. They say that which doesn’t kill us only makes us stronger. Well, I don’t know about that but, in this case, you will be stronger and you will be experienced and you will be wiser. Look forward to that day. I will keep you in my prayers that you will continue to persevere til you arrive at that day.
I made a small step yesterday after I got off work. I sent one of the boxes home that I’d packed some sentimental things away in. I sent it to my aunt who has agreed to store them for me whether I decide to move there or not.
Also, I copied most of the important documents I need and I plan to send them to her as well.
That wasn’t so scary at all.