I try to tell myself today will be a good day

Narcissistic personality disorder
#41

I know I may need to go talk to the boss, who already has passed judgemental looks my way in reaction to the rumors around at work.

Anyway, I know he wasn’t lying because he came to pick up surveys that I’ve been having people fill out.

I will have to be more vigilant. I keep all my escape stuff at work, I will have to hide it better too- like the copies of my important documents and the list of phone numbers from my phone that I keep in case I lose my phone… etc…

It’s a shame that I have to protect myself like this from him, but he would loooove if I lost my job. I make more money than he does and he would love for me to be dependant on him. urgh, it just really upsets me how little respect he has for me.

#42

Now don’t let him sweet talk you out of doing what you must do. Yes. hide. Keep documents from him that might just “disappear” when you need them. Your cell phone may get “lost”. He will probably get desperate as he sees the changes. Protect yourself. expect anything. expect him to start listening to your messages, reading your mail, calling your job to make sure you are there. accusing you of seeing another man, another woman, being a spy. whatever. Just know that he has a problem and as he gets desperate, so will his attempts to hang on to and control you. Don’t try to reason with him at this point. There is no logic. Do what you MUST and then you can talk about reconciliation AFTER he has sought help.

#43

Funny you’d mention that because he does call me about 8-9 times a day at work and shows up in between to “say hi” or whatever. He accused me of having a lesbian relationship with a close girl friend of mine. She was also married and now has moved away. He interrupts me when I talk to her on the phone and makes noise so that I just get fed up and get off the phone. It is so stupid. He knew all my passwords and I’ve started changin them one by one to not be suspicious, but he insists that I tell him… anyway, he’s already started to do those things…

#44

Wow. Isn’t it embarrassing? My husband didn’t want me to have my best friend at our apartment so he turned off the power. We were sitting there watching Aliens and we faded to black. I ran to the back and saw him jump in the car and drive off. I was so embarrassed. She left and an hour later he came home and denied it all. He said it must have been some kids. Eventually my friends all stopped coming to see me. That was his intention. You are going to have to be ready because he is going to come at you from every angle with “stupid stuff”. I can laugh now but, at the time, I felt like I was going to die and I didn’t care. I felt I would rather die than to have my marriage end. I have come a long way since then. Now, I am not saying you are at that point but, he will try to break you down. Don’t feel you are stupid. You are not. You will be so much better and wiser and stronger even before it is over. (The abusive relationship, that is) Don’t be surprised at anything he does. My husband told his family that I was changing and I had become a Bitch and I had joined some religious cult. I just had a copy of the serenity prayer on the table. He put all the blame on me and your husband will do the same. I am sure of it.

#45

yep he’s already begun planting those seeds with his family and in the past last year when i told him I’d had enough and began packing a bag he put his mother on the phone and blasted her berating me just like he does saying what an idiot I am to lose him and how crazy I am not to love her perfect son. She wouldn’t hear it that he’d put his hands on me OR been arrested for it. There was just no way she’d believe he could ever cause anyone pain or do any wrong- which is part of what got him here- never having been held responsible for his actions throughout his entire life.

#46

My mother-in-law used to blame me for hy ex’s behavior. She said that it was my fault because I was too nice to him. She said that he needed a bitch to keep him in line. Well, that was not my role. I was his wife not his probation officer. Don’t accept any of the blame from the in-laws. It is just another excuse. This way she doesn’t have to accept responsibility for raising a dysfunctional son.

#47

my ex mother in law hated me. when i was new with her son, she was all nice to me on the phone - but really nasty about his still then wife. i wondered then whether she would one day soon be talking about me that way… anna, you are confused - terribly confused - right now because of the abuse you’ve suffered. please think of your safety…it is better to leave sooner than later.

#48

I am near “ready” in terms of the loose ends that were always my excuse for not leaving. So i guess in that respect I can leave soon. I’ve agreed to wait until we go on the trip to visit both of our families- his for about a month and mine for a weekend. I’ve been considering just not flying back out to Hawaii after the trip and just staying with my family. If they rally around me then I think I will be stronger. Like if we are visiting them and it comes time to leave and I tell my husband that I am not going to be going back with him- in front of my supportive family members, then he will be less likely to fight it or get ugly with me.

#49

Dreen lets hope that it will happen, but it takes so much for a woman that is abused to worlk up the courage to leave a man. He has to much control and they know that.

That is why so many women stay. I hope things get better for everyone, you, me, anna, olelady, all of us. No matter what situation we are in. I hate seeing someone kept down by another person. It’s so unfair. It’s done so often. Like it makes a person feel so much better to kick someone else, to hurt someone else, to make someone else feel small, when really THEY are the small person.

Women and men need to support women/or men who are being abused and help them get out of these situations, and no, they don’t ususally leave the first time, or the second time it happens, but the lucky ones do eventually get out with enough encouragement! The unlucky ones don’t get out at all.

#50

Help

#51

help

#52

checquers let us know how we can help you hang in there

#53

ANNA: You are home NOW, among friends and family, correct? Why don’t you just stay there? Why even go back. You are not alone right now. You are among your friends and family and you are protected from all and any abuse. There is no reason to go back to or with him. He will not harm you in front of anyone because he is a coward. Stay right where you are. Believe it or not, you are stronger than you think you are. Pull your strength from your family and your friends right now if you don’t feel strong enough yourself. End the abuse RIGHT NOW. It is good for you to be alone to find out why you feel the need to be in an abusive relationship and to work on your self esteem. Two half people do not make a couple. When you are right, then you will find a man who deserves the great person that you are. Now is not the time. Please, just get away from HIM!