This pain is getting too much.... the only place I can ever imagine being free of pain is in heaven... or hell.... which ever the case may be. Don't really believe in either at this point....
Can god really hold it against me for commiting suicide for being in so much pain it's making me insane?
Sue,
As far as pain is concerned i know EXACTLY where your head is at. I
do not know where you live but if you have any money available and want to
live a few good years go to Mexico or India;i am not kidding or being an
asshole.I live in Australia and made the mistake of going too far at work
with a bad back and expected a G.P. to fix it.He gave me every conceivable
pain drug available and nothing touched the pain in my spine until i saw a
pain management specialist and he gave me GABAPENTIN for the spinal pain and
i had two procedures called RADIO NEUROTOMYS,WHERE NEEDLES ARE INSERTED INTO
YOUR BACK AND THE NERVE ENDING IS BASICALLY CAUTERISED WITH HIGH FREQUENCY
RADIO SIGNALS,IT FRIES THE FUCKERS.The thing about Mexico is that you can
find Doctors who will prescribe pain meds and you have to figure out how to
get them home,assuming you live in the U.S…I was very fortunate when i
lived in San Diego i had a G.P. who knew all about pain and was not afraid
of prescribing whatever it took.I ended up on METHADONE which works to a
degree on me but runs out of puff before the next dose can be taken;the side
effects a a bitch,and getting off it as i am now is a long slow painful
process,but when i get down my pain Doc is going to switch me over to
Morphine slow release.If you want to die go to Mexico and purchase a bottle
of Nembutal,that will do the job,bingo.Then it’s up to you and your god
On 4/14/07, JustSue chronicpain-cpt2575@lists.careplace.com wrote:
Have you expressed this to your doctor. I don’t mean just told him but screamed it like you’ve neverr screamed at him before. If he doesn’t want to listen then scream louder. Tell him your not leaving unless you get some relief and if he wants to call the cops tell him to go right ahead but make sure he has a waiting room full of patients. Find a doctor that is familiar with what borrach said. The madder you get the more they will listen. Look into the RADIO NEUTRONS that Borracho mentioned. Don’t give up seeking and screaming!
Yeah, I emailed him a well written expressive letter... and also to my regular family doctor. Thank god my family doc called me in enough vicodin to get me thru till I see the pain doc on Tues... well, not SEE him... just pick up my new script for the month... I wonder if he'll have increased it... I doubt it. I think after we get our new insurance I'll be changing pain docs.... It's obvious this guy after 3 years, just doesn't give a rats ass about me.
thank you for your support.... I so need it right now.
Hi Sue, I had about 4 lumbar shots. the first one worked but the last three did nothing! I told him but he had no reply. Its a good thing that I have insurance coz it cost 400.00 a shot
doc is making a lot of $$. Dont know why that happened but I heard from a girl (cousin)
had a pain block for her eye she had surgery but the same with her only the first shot worked, they put the shot in the neck.
keep your chin up we are women. we are stronger and we rule!!!
take care
cindy
JustSue chronicpain-cpt2575@lists.careplace.com wrote:
Dear Sue....It is hard to understand why God gives us the experiences we have. It is so often said that he gives us only what we can handle. There are times that I too wish that He didn't trust me so much to handle what He gives. I want to share with you that my father commited suicide in a violent way...because the pain he felt was too much for him to handle. I am sharing this with you because there is no physical pain that is more severe than what the loss of a person thru suicide does to a family. My oldest son was 15 at the time, and my father was one of the most important people in his life, as well as mine. He is now 35, and still feels the grief. It took me 5 years to forgive him, and to understand what he was doing when he took his own life.
This is not to give a speech here. There isn't a day that goes by that all of us here do not experience varying degrees of pain...to the point that we wonder how much more we can take. My heart is with you in your suffering...and I send you the hope and faith that your spirit, your heart and your body find the path to healing that will bring you warmth, softness, and strength. Peace, Christina
Christina,
thank you for your kind and supporting words... I spoke with my family doctor and told him what was going on... and he's going to call me this afternoon so we can figure out what to do from here.. I don't have insurance right now but he's wonderful about giving me samples and helping me however he can. He was in South Africa for 3 weeks and I thought he was ignoring me... but things are getting better... thank you again.... you did help me so much.
I'm so sorry about your father... It's such a shame that people are left feeling they have no other options.
God Bless.
hi, sue
Im so happy your finding some help! please keep in touch so we know how your doing.
Ive been were you are and believe me i understand completly, its such a shame we have to suffer this way!
I wish there was something more I can do to help you, but I can only tell you what many have said here.
Speak up!! yell loud if you have too, thats the only way I got the help that I despritly needed, I finally said
I Need Somthing Done Today!!!! of course I was crying again from the lack of undertreating my Pain.
best of luck to you hun, and keep pushing on your family need you, and i can almost promise you there will be better days ahead.
christina Im so sry to here this about your dad..It makes me so mad to here this kind of traggity all over the undertreatment of pain.
you have my blessing roll
Hey sue…i know this sounds like just words comin from someone online but never never think that u are alone in this world when you have me to keep in contact with. I have been in ur shoes many times sue and its a lonely place to be. ur not alone anymore not ever ever!!! i wish u could email me privately but i dont thing its allowed here. I’m very forgetful sue…i have something called brain fog and fibro fog and it gets pretty scary not bein able to remember simple things. I found that it helped to be honest with these idiot drs…i cried and when i did they listened and realized that i was not just trying to get high. what meds are u on? i hope he does increase you. its awful living in chronic pain and havin no one who understands…esp family members…it makes u feel so much more worse…yes i know…at least we understand even if its thru a computor…best of luck to u sue and wishing u a less painful day. one day at a time… sometimes things get better. lots of love lorial
Hey sue…i know this sounds like just words comin from someone online but never never think that u are alone in this world when you have me to keep in contact with. I have been in ur shoes many times sue and its a lonely place to be. ur not alone anymore not ever ever!!! i wish u could email me privately but i dont thing its allowed here. I’m very forgetful sue…i have something called brain fog and fibro fog and it gets pretty scary not bein able to remember simple things. I found that it helped to be honest with these idiot drs…i cried and when i did they listened and realized that i was not just trying to get high. what meds are u on? i hope he does increase you. its awful living in chronic pain and havin no one who understands…esp family members…it makes u feel so much more worse…yes i know…at least we understand even if its thru a computor…best of luck to u sue and wishing u a less painful day. one day at a time… sometimes things get better. lots of love lorial
Hey sue…i know this sounds like just words comin from someone online but never never think that u are alone in this world when you have me to keep in contact with. I have been in ur shoes many times sue and its a lonely place to be. ur not alone anymore not ever ever!!! i wish u could email me privately but i dont thing its allowed here. I’m very forgetful sue…i have something called brain fog and fibro fog and it gets pretty scary not bein able to remember simple things. I found that it helped to be honest with these idiot drs…i cried and when i did they listened and realized that i was not just trying to get high. what meds are u on? i hope he does increase you. its awful living in chronic pain and havin no one who understands…esp family members…it makes u feel so much more worse…yes i know…at least we understand even if its thru a computor…best of luck to u sue and wishing u a less painful day. one day at a time… sometimes things get better. lots of love lorial
Hey everybody....
Thank you so much for all your neverending support and encouragement. I did send my pain doc an email with that article attached about addiction and tollerance.. I told him I've always been honest with him and that I have never tried to find other docs to give me scripts nor have I bounced around to all the ER's ... I told him I was taking way more than he was perscribing and he understood... and I bumped into him yesterday when I just went to get my monthly Rx and he told me that he was sorry for not "hearing" me sooner and we will get everything worked out on my next appt. which is May 2nd. And I have plenty of my meds to get me till then... Oh, I'm on Methadone... he has me on 50 mgs. which doesn't touch me.. I usually need to take between 70 - 100 mgs to get my pain to a point where it's there, but I can function normally. He said we'll either change my med or bump me way up... so we'll see.
Well, like I said, thanks again.... just like you guys, I don't know what I'd do without everyone here to give me support and understanding and to just listen when I need to rant....
xxooSue
well my dear i to im just like u they the drugs to help u but dont want to help u i was meddone to and it help alot for pain the pills anyway but the li is real hard to quit well i was going to the doctor and he cut me down from 7.5 lortab to 5 but that dont help me at all some times i wish i had the nerve to end it but now im glad i didnt because god will help u dear if u ask he will fine the way for u to get the help u need im going to a pain c tomorrow and i hope they give me medadone to that is the best pain med i evey took so i just wanted to say i feel the same way u do sometimes but please dont do nothing crazy ok
Hi Sue, I’m Tina, new to the group. I read your first post with tears in my eyes, I don’t have the back pain but am a cancer survivor with lymphedema, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, TMJ and other **** life dished my way. I hear you on the pain, it can get pretty bad. I once laid in bed with the AC on after surgery thinking “It is comfy here, pains not too bad at the moment but it can get worse and it wouldn’t be bad to go right now”. But the moment passed and I realized it was my goal to help others in the same boat, I started Lymphland website and support group for lymphedema.
Lymphedema is a condition where your body fills with fluid and swelling, it is progressive and therapy and constant care is the only way to try to maintain it and it’s alot of overwhelming work and very painful. I know how I feel when the fluids in my back, it hurts.
My lymphedema therapist’s boyfriend has a badly messed up back, he went for spinal decompression, it was alot of money but he is 85% better and only takes pain meds if he does something stupid, just thought I’d mention that to see if you knew about it. I didn’t get to read all the back posts as we have a storm coming, I live in NY, severe storms today, so if I didn’t get the gist of the post and it’s not your back, I’m sorry, just wanted to get a quickie post out when I saw the subject line.
I’ll be back to read more later after storms pass.
It’s nice to meet you and I’m glad you’re sticking around, it is good to share things with people who understand.
hugs, Tina
There is one thing that has kept me from committing suicide, please allow me to share this with you. I’m not big on idealist points of veiw, but,if I am here to learn some sort of a lesson in this life and I do away with myself because the lesson is too great of a burden, I’m really not willing to do all this sufferring again in the next lifetime all over agian just because I missed something this time. It may seem lame to you but, there must be some sort of rythme of reason to why the things we go through happen, and I for one, want to learn whatever it is I’m here to learn and move on to whatever the next level is, having done the best that I can to have been a part of the solution, not a part of the problem on this sad and sorry state that I find life to be sometimes. When I can help another with my experiences, the good and the bad, then it feels there is a reason why I have travelled the paths that I have, to help someone else traverse through the bumps in the road that I’ve somehow, even thogh I didn’t want to, or think I should or could. When that majic moment happens, and I can see my experience, strength and hope have made the next persons load a little lighter, then my load also lightens somehow. It may take you out of your own sufferring, it has helped me tremendously.
Jill
Excellent point! I have asked myself, if all the trauma I have experienced helps to promote the well-being of the single life, is it worth it? I believe it is.
stop sending me emails
thank you
************************************** See what’s free at http://www.aol.com.
I did not send the email to you. This is the first message I’ve
posted to the group!
Debbie
On 6/9/07, shelby chronicpain-cpt2575@lists.careplace.com wrote:
I never said that I was going to commet suicide. Please don’t write to me I have a lot to live for I have two young boys that need me.
Linda
----- Original Message -----
From: Pippy440 chronicpain-cpt2575@lists.careplace.com
Date: Saturday, June 9, 2007 3:16
Subject: Re: [chronicpain] If I ever commit suicide… please blame my so called pain management doctor.
To: lindahamilton@insightbb.com
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~--------------- all text below this
line will be cut off in your reply There is one thing that has kept me from committing
suicide, please allow me to share this with you.  I’m
not big on idealist points of veiw, but,if I am here to learn
some sort of a lesson in this life and I do away with myself
because the lesson is too great of a burden, I’m really not
willing to do all this sufferring again in the next lifetime all
over agian just because I missed something this time. It
may seem lame to you but, there must be some sort of
rythme of reason to why the things we go through happen, and I
for one, want to learn whatever it is I’m here to learn and move
on to whatever the next level is, having done the best that I
can to have been a part of the solution, not a part of the
problem on this sad and sorry state that I find life to be
sometimes. When I can help another with my experiences,
the good and the bad, then it feels there is a reason why I have
travelled the paths that I have, to help someone else traverse
through the bumps in the road
 that
I’ve somehow, even thogh I didn’t want to, or think I should or
could. When that majic moment happens, and I can see my
experience, strength and hope have made the next persons load a
little lighter, then my load also lightens somehow. It may take
you out of your own sufferring, it has helped me tremendously.
Jill__
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