In my research (unrelated to NPD) I came across this quote

“Tamed as it may be, sexuality remains one of the demonic forces in human consciousness – pushing us at intervals close to taboo and dangerous desires, which range from the impulse to commit sudden arbitrary violence upon another person to the voluptuous yearning for the extinction of one’s consciousness, for death itself. Even on the level of simple physical sensation and mood, making love surely resembles having an epileptic fit at least as much as, if not more than, it does eating a meal or conversing with someone”

– Susan Sontag

which explains half of my ex-relationship !!!

:o

The source of my attraction to her is the fact that she ignores me LOL

I am just kidding, Phoenix. Don’t go so serious on me, gal!

Sam,

youre smart enough to know the answer to that. The only time I wasnt respectful was in email, and I havent gone back there again.

What you see is what you get.

The unpalatable truth is that falling in love is, in some ways,
indistinguishable from a severe pathology. Behavior changes are reminiscent
of psychosis and, biochemically speaking, passionate love closely imitates
substance abuse. Appearing in the BBC series Body Hits on December 4, 2002
Dr. John Marsden, the head of the British National Addiction Center, said
that love is addictive, akin to cocaine and speed. Sex is a “booby trap”,
intended to bind the partners long enough to bond.
Using functional Magnetic Resonance Imaging (fMRI), Andreas Bartels and
Semir Zeki of University College in London showed that the same areas of the
brain are active when abusing drugs and when in love. The prefrontal
cortex - hyperactive in depressed patients - is inactive when besotted. How
can this be reconciled with the low levels of serotonin that are the
telltale sign of both depression and infatuation - is not known.

Other MRI studies, conducted in 2006-7 by Dr. Lucy Brown, a professor in the
department of neurology and neuroscience at the Albert Einstein College of
Medicine in New York, and her colleagues, revealed that the caudate and the
ventral tegmental, brain areas involved in cravings (e.g., for food) and the
secretion of dopamine, are lit up in subjects who view photos of their loved
ones. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that affects pleasure and motivation.
It causes a sensation akin to a substance-induced high.

On August 14, 2007, the New Scientist News Service gave the details of a
study originally published in the Journal of Adolescent Health earlier that
year. Serge Brand of the Psychiatric University Clinics in Basel,
Switzerland, and his colleagues interviewed 113 teenagers (17-year old), 65
of whom reported having fallen in love recently.

The conclusion? The love-struck adolescents slept less, acted more
compulsively more often, had “lots of ideas and creative energy”, and were
more likely to engage in risky behavior, such as reckless driving.

Continue to read this article here (click on this link):

http://samvak.tripod.com/lovepathology.html

Recent studies in animal sexuality serve to dispel two common myths: that
sex is exclusively about reproduction and that homosexuality is an unnatural
sexual preference. It now appears that sex is also about recreation as it
frequently occurs out of the mating season. And same-sex copulation and
bonding are common in hundreds of species, from bonobo apes to gulls.

Moreover, homosexual couples in the Animal Kingdom are prone to behaviors
commonly - and erroneously - attributed only to heterosexuals. The New York
Times reported in its February 7, 2004 issue about a couple of gay penguins
who are desperately and recurrently seeking to incubate eggs together.

Continue to read this article here (click on this link):

http://samvak.tripod.com/sexnature.html

In nature, male and female are distinct. She-elephants are gregarious,
he-elephants solitary. Male zebra finches are loquacious - the females mute.
Female green spoon worms are 200,000 times larger than their male mates.
These striking differences are biological - yet they lead to differentiation
in social roles and skill acquisition.

Alan Pease, author of a book titled “Why Men Don’t Listen and Women Can’t
Read Maps”, believes that women are spatially-challenged compared to men.
The British firm, Admiral Insurance, conducted a study of half a million
claims. They found that “women were almost twice as likely as men to have a
collision in a car park, 23 percent more likely to hit a stationary car, and
15 percent more likely to reverse into another vehicle” (Reuters).

Continue to read this article here (click on this link):

http://samvak.tripod.com/sexgender.html

Our sexual behavior expresses not only our psychosexual makeup but also the
entirety of our personality. Sex is the one realm of conduct which involves
the full gamut of emotions, cognitions, socialization, traits, heredity, and
learned and acquired behaviors. By observing one’s sexual predilections and
acts, the trained psychotherapist and diagnostician can learn a lot about
the patient.

Inevitably, the sexuality of patients with personality disorders is thwarted
and stunted. In the Paranoid Personality Disorder, sex is depersonalized and
the sexual partner is dehumanized. The paranoid is besieged by persecutory
delusions and equates intimacy with life-threatening vulnerability, a
"breach in the defenses" as it were. the paranoid uses sex to reassure
himself that he is still in control and to quell is anxiety.

Continue to read this article here (click on this link):

http://samvak.tripod.com/personalitydisorders47.html

----- Original Message -----
From: “thephoenix101” npd-cpt6590@lists.careplace.com
To: palma@unet.com.mk
Sent: Thursday, November 01, 2007 5:51 PM
Subject: [npd] in my unrelated research I came across this

le petit morde

(dont bother criticizing my spelling, I’m not consistently anal about it)

It was the richest part of my ex relationship and its function in my life as a mammal – that it created a stronger bond than would have otherwise been there didnt escape me while it was happening.

It absolutely felt like losing my mind, because, it was a biochemical, evolutionary function to inhabit my body while leaving my brain behind.

It was SO pleasurable and so rapturous, I would GLADLY check my brain at the bedroom door again should a different lover be that in tune with my chemistry and body and biological imperative (but please God let it last a mere few weeks).

I dont count on it happening again, I think its far more likely I’ll fall in love with someone in a more spiritual and emotionally satisfying way, and given my past relationship was 100% satisfying sexually but torture emotionally, all I can say is

“sign me up for an emotionally mature, self-actualized, open-hearted, empathic man”

I can do without mind-blowing orgasms for the rest of my life…but I cant do without joy.

Its as easy as that…and lastly, thank gawd I’m past my reproductive prime so I can choose NOT to be snapped up and dropped into the sleepcar of the Insanity Sextrain again.

Let me tell you what I know about love, and making love.

The finest lover is the one who can bring you to the edge of orgasm from across a crowded room simply by knowing who you are and setting aside all other considerations to please you.

The man who really studies everything you love until he finds the parts that he can also love himself and unfurls them for your delight, unexpectedly, like gifts, when you least expect them.

The man who makes of his life a tribute to you and everything that you hold dear and honorable, not least because he holds those thing dear and honorable himself.

The man who’s foreplay consists of protecting the weak and defenceless, while his emerald eyes have the “seeming of a demon who is dreaming”.

…and at that time of the month, when my tolerance for crap runs dry, and I tend to dump the detrius in my life, I would crawl on my knees over broken glass to him om any terms, just because nothing else would be sane.

GD

Okay guys, this is a basic course in biology that EVERYONE SHOULD HAVE HAD!!

The biological imperative of every living organism is to reproduce. Having accomplished that end and reared your offspring, mother nature is ready for you to be eliminated. Only modern science keeps us going longer, finding other reasons for having sex.

That drive to mate is the STRONGEST innate drive that controls us, not vice versa. Why did you desire the NPD? Go ask the mother of all mothers.

Sam, you are so full of BS.

Oh, and another interesting aspect of our biological sexuality is that the female of our species controls the sex action. She is genetically selective. Does the dress up, the smells, the makeup, the strutting her stuff. He woes her saying PLEEAASSE chose me. If he is lucky - she says I pick YOU. The male on the other hand, seeks to spread his sperm wherever he can.

Ah Sam, you only delude yourself that you control your wife and she is fortunate to have you. Such Freudian BS.

Adolescents are the spring chickens whose hormonal drives for sex are strongest of all. It does not matter the age of a pubescent and their partner - it only matters that there is the necessary stuff to cause fertility.

I don’t know Susiejo,

A delightful, and rather intelligent, young paramour of mine would take issue with that.

He was recently making a rather persuasive case for men being the creatures of display and seduction in nature and in courtship, attracting attention and waiting to be chosen until the whole “industrial revolution thang” fecked everything up.

He craves a return to his perception of those “old values”. (I think it’s a load of cr*p too but GOD he looks good enough to eat).

Sam doesn’t think Lidija is “lucky to have him”…

Even on his worst day, he isn’t THAT psychotic.

GD

Phoenix, Your paramour would have to take issue with the biological scientists and he would not win. Males are the attractive seducing sex in some species (birds for example) , but in humans, it is the female. Look at the fashion industry. Sure he struts his stuff and woes her, but she really is the one in control who will say yes or no. Back to the days of the industrial revolution when women were actually more employable by companies (fact), the males were formally courting the females. The “suitors” would go calling at her home, often in numbers, and she would “pick”. And she still does. She is highly selective. He is grateful for every “number” he gets, even if it is only one. He “scored”!!

Who rapes who in our species. Who is the frustrated one who has to resort to violence and force? And how selective is he when he does such?

Poor Sam equates sex and falling in love to psychopathology and psychosis. I mean what an imagination, but actually horrible thought process for one of the most pleasurable activities of life that has an indisputable motivation called reproduction. Like I said, every species does it in its manner provided by nature.

Ah but you see, the closest Sam ever has, or ever will, come to falling in love IS “psychopathology and psychosis”.

winks

GD

I’m not sure what it is youre trying to “teach” me about what I said about my own experience.

I’m not sure I want to be convinced of anything more about me either, so I’m not going to ask for clarification.

I would hazard a guess though that there is something of value for Sam or my ex in the moments he met his lovers eyes and found there, that someone cared about him.

And…in that, we have something in common.

Why would anyone try to “teach” you anything?

It isn’t always about you.

GD

(Furtively)

I think so, too!

Read about my auto-eroticism in this secret Web address:

http://samvak.tripod.com/journal31.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/journal35.html

:o))

----- Original Message -----
From: “gypsy” npd-cpt6590@lists.careplace.com
To: palma@unet.com.mk
Sent: Friday, November 02, 2007 4:05 PM
Subject: Re: [npd] in my unrelated research I came across this

I know, my hot vampire,
because I am a day walker ,…

I am a dhampir, too …:o))

Sam

----- Original Message -----
From: “gypsy” npd-cpt6590@lists.careplace.com
To: palma@unet.com.mk
Sent: Friday, November 02, 2007 4:20 PM
Subject: Re: [npd] in my unrelated research I came across this

In my circle of girlfriends, one woman talks, well, “lectures” us about men and sex and romance. She’s educated and older than the rest of us and its obvious she feels worldy in this area. She almost , physically, looks down her nose not just at us, but at everyone. She also puts a lot of energy into very “sensual” behaviours (how she walks, how she holds her fork, how she sips her wine). She is a self-proclaimed expert at all things sexual and sensual and romantic.

No matter what we say about our experiences (and this is not me, its everyone in our circle), how we feel, what we did, how we are struggling with our choices…she tells us what is REALLy going on, what we dont yet realize about men and what we should be thinking or doing differently if we hope to be successful.

We’ve tried a number of times over the years to tell her that when she does that she effectively shuts out all other people from the conversation and really is just talking to hear herself because she doesnt “include the other”.

We’ve also taken notice, she hasnt had a lover in YEARS, has never been married and doesnt know where the father of her adult child is. Men she would like to be with havent considered her much more than just a casual one nighter precisely because she presents herself as someone SO strong and SO above everyone else in her “knowingness” that they dont feel theres anywhere for them to fit into her life.

She doesnt get it though.

She doesnt get that actions speak louder than words, that everyone, no matter if its a girlfriend over dinner or a potential male partner needs to feel part of the interaction, that humans everywhere want “contact”, not to be talked down to, talked AT or put in their place.

Her insistence on not being a victim of sexuality or intimacy of all varieties (even friendly platonic intimacy), but the one in total control works at cross purposes to herself because she effectively through her tone, posture and attitude pushes everyone away.

When I share a thought or experience or hope or fear…whatever, I’m not very open to people saying"Phoenix, this is how it really is." That negates me from the exchange.

I’m VERY open to people saying “Phoenix, this is my experience.” As you can see, its not about ME, its about someone enagaging in an exchange WITH me, not AT me.

And yanno what? Sexuality, especially as I related it when starting this thread, is a touchy subject.

I’m inviting anyone to jump in and join me relaying their own feelings about the subject. I’m here for the people. If I wanted to LEARN about human sexuality and the reproductive urge in other animals I’d just have to turn on public television (which I do too, just not in THIS moment).

Well here is what I actually said:

"Let me tell you what I know about love, and making love. "

Pretty much a direct transcription of:

“this is my experience.”

I wasn’t engaging in ANYTHING “with” you…all you ever do to me is snipe, in a passive aggressive way that annoys me…so I stopped bothering…the statement was just a general observation that was playing on my mind for a couple of days and seemed relevant.

Incidentally, the father of my “adult child” has been pushing up daisies in Brighton, Sussex for the past two years…I feel, under those circumstances, any kind of intimate association would be inappropriate? (Even if I hadn’t found him obnoxious, abusive and infinitely avoidable since 1974.)

GD

Phoenix,

If at this moment, you do not like the thread, than why do you have the channel on and are sitting watching? Why not read and post to another thread? Or maybe you should start a thread about romance instead of sex.

Ah Susiejo,

Phoenix likes any opportunity to snipe at me JUST FINE.

Ever since I refused to defer to her perception and let it override my own…

So she comes up with this “educated, older woman” (fictional or factual) that she attacks as a proxy for me…

Leaving aside the, not inconsiderable, inaccuracy of her assumptions about me and the huge dose of projection within that, she completely fails to notice that, during the course of her narrative, she adopts the very behaviors she believes she is attacking…

For one thing:


Men she would like to be with havent considered her much more than just a casual one nighter precisely because she presents herself as someone SO strong and SO above everyone else in her “knowingness” that they dont feel theres anywhere for them to fit into her life.


Are we being asked to believe that this group of friends actually DEBRIEF every man that an older woman they resent sleeps with?

chuckles

Or is Phoenix just stating something as fact without having the first idea or experience of it?

GD