In my research (unrelated to NPD) I came across this quote

Narcissistic personality disorder
#21

Sounds like she’s qualified to run for president.

thephoenix101 npd-cpt6590@lists.careplace.com wrote:In my circle of girlfriends, one woman talks, well, “lectures” us about men and sex and romance. She’s educated and older than the rest of us and its obvious she feels worldy in this area. She almost , physically, looks down her nose not just at us, but at everyone. She also puts a lot of energy into very “sensual” behaviours (how she walks, how she holds her fork, how she sips her
wine). She is a self-proclaimed expert at all things sexual and sensual and romantic.

No matter what we say about our experiences (and this is not me, its everyone in our circle), how we feel, what we did, how we are struggling with our choices…she tells us what is REALLy going on, what we dont yet realize about men and what we should be thinking or doing differently if we hope to be successful.

We’ve tried a number of times over the years to tell her that when she does that she effectively shuts out all other people from the conversation and really is just talking to hear herself because she doesnt “include the other”.

We’ve also taken notice, she hasnt had a lover in YEARS, has never been married and doesnt know where the father of her adult child is. Men she would like to be with havent considered her much more than just a casual one nighter precisely because she presents herself as someone SO strong and SO above everyone else in her “knowingness” that they dont feel theres anywhere for them to fit into her life.

She doesnt get it though.

She doesnt get that actions speak louder than words, that everyone, no matter if its a girlfriend over dinner or a potential male partner needs to feel part of the interaction, that humans everywhere want “contact”, not to be talked down to, talked AT or put in their place.

Her insistence on not being a victim of sexuality or intimacy of all varieties (even friendly platonic intimacy), but the one in total control works at cross purposes to herself because she effectively through her tone, posture and attitude pushes everyone away.

When I share a thought or experience or hope or fear…whatever, I’m not very open to people saying"Phoenix, this is how it really is." That negates me from the exchange.

I’m VERY open to people saying “Phoenix, this is my experience.” As you can see, its not about ME, its about someone enagaging in an exchange WITH me, not AT me.

And yanno what? Sexuality, especially as I related it when starting this thread, is a touchy subject.

I’m inviting anyone to jump in and join me relaying their own feelings about the subject. I’m here for the people. If I wanted to LEARN about human sexuality and the reproductive urge in other animals I’d just have to turn on public television (which I do too, just not in THIS moment).

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#22

What does she think about Sam Vaknin?

(Suddenly a thought occurs to me and I am horrified)

DOES she think about Sam Vaknin?

----- Original Message -----
From: “mercenary” npd-cpt6590@lists.careplace.com
To: palma@unet.com.mk
Sent: Friday, November 02, 2007 3:29 PM
Subject: Re: [npd] in my unrelated research I came across this

#23

Oh darling, if you could just be a little bit more mentally stimulating, we would be a match made in Heaven,…:slight_smile:

#24

wow, this has turned into quite something

OK quick rebuttal

Firstly, if I come right out and say “I dont like XYZ” thats actually NOT passive/aggressive, and its not sniping – its directly saying what I dont like, and I have been pretty clearly communicating like that when I feel things come up directed toward me that I DONT like. I’m not afraid of conflict but I’m pretty clean about it and I dont resort to insults and put downs. I take responsibility for how I wish to be treated and I state it clearly in ways that are anything but passive/aggressive.

Secondly, I wasnt refering to you personally Blitzen, and I am certain I didnt mention your name, however if you want to take on this criticism personally and assume it fits be my guest. I’m betting there is something in that for you.

Thirdly, no, I didnt personally didnt interview the men my REAL girlfriend had casual encounters with, but one of the other friends in the circle knows them and is “like one of the guys” so she is confident that what they share with her is genuine, and I trust her so I take what she says as genuine.

Having said that I dont judge you or your girlfriends, your sexual practices or your propensity for giving Sam a hard time. You do what you feel you need to do, and Susiejo too.

However, if I dont like how I am being spoken to, written to, lectured, bullied or told you know me better than I know myself, then I regret to tell you, you will hear about how I dont like it.

I let my exN be the only person who transgressed my personal boundaries and treat me in ways I dont appreciate or find considerate. I havent let others do that and I’m not about to start.

You can either take what I say at face value, which I have some experience with you, that you dont…and leave it at that, or you can try and argue with me about what I am saying about myself, my experience, my thoughts or my opinons, in which case youre not going to have much of an audience because like my girlfriend who lectures to me about men, I’ll just tune you out.

If on the other hand you want to contribute to my thread, by all means, I’m reading nd interested , I just dont want to be lectured to. Share what you know, share your own experiences, share a joke, a tragedy, attempt some human contact – whatever you feel is right…I just would prefer you dont lecture me. Simple.

I extend you respect and consideration as I do with everyone else here, even while I am stating what annoys me. And – I always expect that from everyone in return, including you.

Snipe? me? LOL umm…no.

#25

mercenary – I see stand up comedy is in your future :smiley:

Sam,

does she sound like someone you’ve met?

We have a hard enough pulling her away from her overly busy medical practitioner life, so I’m betting she doesnt read much of anything she doesnt NEED for her career.

#26

Hi guys,
In my experience I found out that women rule while the guys drool. I like to be playful, sensual, self confident and most of all have fun in a kind way. I found out this works every time, whether it is with my own man, I love very much or just when I feel the urge to boost my self confidence.
I believe women do not give them selfs enough credit when it comes to get any mans attention. My believe is that the women, it does not matter what age, is the one in control, when the cards are played right. Be playful in conversations with guys, be assertive, play with your hair, straighten your dress out,…shock them, like going up to a real great looking guy, give him a seductive smile and say, " hey ugly, how are you doing?" Great conversation starter. Stay in control of the conversation, do not tell them your life story, or brag about your knowledge. Playfully ask him important questions, like: " So what kind of a woman do you respect?" Guys, it is amazing, how honest men are on the first encounter, they will honestly tell you things on the first day they will never ever tell you there after! This gives you the advantage to evaluate the guy find out just about anything about him and then you can decide whether this would be someone, you could have a good relation ship, with or not. Always stay in charge, whether you are actually looking for something serious or you are just having fun. Just about all man love mysterious women, you may choose to answer his questions, but if you are uncomfortable with some of them just ask why he ask that question. Most of all, have fun!
All of us here have had more than a fair share of mind boggling experiences it is our time now to choose having fun or gloom.
Gypsy

#27

Gypsy,

wonderful playful advice, which I can see working very well when the hormones arent raging :slight_smile:

There are sometimes though, when Nature is banging at the door and its hard not to let it blow in.

#28

I extend you respect and consideration as I do with everyone else here

Sam (raising hand):

What about me, Phoenix? Am I not a human being (paraphrasing Shakespeare’s
"Merchant of Venice")?

EVERYONE IN UNISON:

NO! You are NOT a human being! You are a VAMPIRE and a MACHINE! You are a
form of malformed Artificial Intelligence (AI)!

Sam:

You can’t beat me at my own game! I have already written about it here:

The Narcissist as VAMPIRE or MACHINE

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/4944

;o))

#29

OH SAM
you are sooo sexy

#30

Or in hell.

What is “mentally stimulating”???

Sampire

----- Original Message -----
From: “gypsy” npd-cpt6590@lists.careplace.com
To: palma@unet.com.mk
Sent: Friday, November 02, 2007 4:35 PM
Subject: Re: [npd] in my unrelated research I came across this

#31

The distinct difference between a Vampire and a day walker,…I know and experience both, the sunshine and the night,…
two different stimulations, thats what makes Vampires so fragile they only prowl at night, … find the secret

#32

For Mercenary:
I was going to say that myself, but I was afraid, if I did she would stop identifying me with her.

For Gypsy:
He never seems to get up till at least noon…neither day nor night…is there such a thing as a tweenpire? A ditherpire?

For Phoenix:
I am sure you know best dear.

For Sam (with special connotations of his old favorite group sex venue practically next door - if memory serves me well and he wasn’t making the whole thing up as usual.):

“She’s so gay tonight
She’s like spring tonight
She’s a rollicking, frollicking thing tonight
So disarming, soft and charming
She is not thinking of me
No, she’s not thinking of me”

winks

GD

#33

For Phoenix: I am sure you know best dear.

 

ahh...see? now we're getting somewhere...because when it comes to me, yes I do believe thats true.

 

and I'm prepared to believe when it comes to you, you probably do too.

#34

To Gypsy:

Just thinking (more clearly now my V3x survived it’s penultimate surgery, only one more, minor, cosmetic, to go). As my mother is a pure psychopath, my father turned somewhat similar after a while and I am very fond of black fetish gear, doesn’t that qualify me as a daywalker?

Or does one actually have to BE Wesley Snipes?

:o)

GD

#35



From:  blitzen
Reply-To:  blitzen
To:  rbuckner62@hotmail.com
Subject:  Re: [npd] in my unrelated research I came across this
Date:  Fri, 02 Nov 2007 13:35:14 -0400
>
#36



From:  thephoenix101
Reply-To:  thephoenix101
To:  rbuckner62@hotmail.com
Subject:  Re: [npd] in my unrelated research I came across this
Date:  Fri, 02 Nov 2007 13:28:11 -0400
>
#37



From:  gypsy
Reply-To:  gypsy
To:  rbuckner62@hotmail.com
Subject:  Re: [npd] in my unrelated research I came across this
Date:  Fri, 02 Nov 2007 12:03:19 -0400
>
#38



From:  MoveOverRover
Reply-To:  MoveOverRover
To:  rbuckner62@hotmail.com
Subject:  Re: [npd] in my unrelated research I came across this
Date:  Fri, 02 Nov 2007 14:56:52 -0400
>
#39



From:  samvaknin
Reply-To:  samvaknin
To:  rbuckner62@hotmail.com
Subject:  Re: [npd] in my unrelated research I came across this
Date:  Fri, 02 Nov 2007 10:42:12 -0400
>
#40



From:  mercenary
Reply-To:  mercenary
To:  rbuckner62@hotmail.com
Subject:  Re: [npd] in my unrelated research I came across this
Date:  Fri, 02 Nov 2007 10:29:56 -0400
>