Hi guys need some help here, please!
Just had a good friend of mine coming over in tears.
Her and her husband are having some trouble.
She asked me how I see a certain situation she is in, I know them both, her H and her, would like to have some outside input, here it goes:
Last night her husband went to one of there regular after work bar meetings, usually she joins in, but she had to work.
Late at night her and her H met to have a drink together, having a great time.
Well one of his female associates friends happened to be at the same bar, and since they knew each other, she just came by and asked if they both was at the meeting, and if they have seen her female friend X.
her husband got very offensive and asked, who X?
After refreshing his memory, he agreed, yes she was there, Why?
X’s friend replied or just because her and her husband was supposed to meet her there.!
When they was back alone, my friends husband got all angry and said that this women was trying to start some trouble.
My friend questioned him, how he came to that conclusion, all she asked was, if her friend was there, thats all.
He answered, that he can just see now that things are getting all blown out of proportion.
My friend never questioned her husband about any of his female associates and never was in any way, jealous or inquisitive, and did not like they way he got all angry.
This morning she asked him, why he got so bent out of shape?
His answer was, that he just does not want her to start getting jealous and stuff over any one of his associates!! And would not answer any more of her questions, since she started to act jealous!
Please she really would like to hear some outside input, Thanks Gypsy
Gypsy,
I am going to disqualify myself from giving any good feedback to that predicament of your friend’s. I’m not yet completely recovered from my own relatioNship, so anything that looks off, weird, twisted from the usual path would raise red flags for me. I find that when it comes to the company of Ns (and I work with a number of them everyday) I’m not trusting of much that looks “off”, or frankly what looks totally “on” and above board either.
Having said that, I do have some sort of relationship right now with a man whose demeanour, life choices and reactions to difficulties have all demonstrated that he IS a trustworthy person, unlike all the evidence my ex showed over years that he didnt have integrity with me or anyone else.
I find it easy to trust a transparent man with integrity, but then I’m only in for a penny, not yet for a pound.
Somewhere in there is the rest of us, who enter into relationships with the best intentions, and good will towards our partners, but who at certain times fall down and are imperfect and have the potential to really hurt our loved one even though we would try hard to protect them from our wrecklessness or weak selfish moments.
I have no idea where in that spectrum your friend’s partner lies.
I joke, but I’m not really psychic. I imagine for your friend, it all has to fit into the larger picture in order to have validity one way or the other.
Also, you might get more feedback from other forum members on this problem if its posted as its own separate thread. Those members who dont find I have much interesting or valuable to say might miss your post because theyre avoiding this particular thread 
Give it a try.
Gypsy, If your friends want a real relationship, than tell them both to cut the booze or leave you out of it all.
Neednewstart
these words strike a huge chord for me. thank you xx
"Those moments are the ones that hook you and reel you in…like there is a heart in there, somewhere…it appears to want to be set free, yet…time typically proves otherwise. The heart may be there, and those small slivers of light piercing through may show themselves for but a moment. When you go with your flashlights and your rescue effort to free the prisoner inside, you’ll often, or dare I say maybe always, find instead…a grueling, growling, angry beast that disdains the fact he let you in. Such is the fear in which he lives.
What a dark life"
xx
I am so sorry to be the contrarian, but boils down to “OWN YOUR OWN”!!!
Life is an experience. Only rules written are those in the Bible and those do not have to have to be followed if one so choses, and most do not. The rest is free game.
There is a difference in boo hoo hoo, he so persecuted me and I was so helpless, such a victim, from "I experieced xyz in life. "
What is really it about? The narcissist or yourself as the narcissist?
My experience has been
One cant underestimate the stage in the recovery process of taking the blinders off from how we saw this person we sacrificed so much to help, in order to see they really did do awful things, abusive things, immoral and destructive things to the relationship and to us.
Anger is part of grief, and its necessary to feel after having left the bargaining and denial stages in order to finally, FINALLY get to the sadness and acceptance.
So Neednewstart and Nickinstant,
my counterpoint is…feel the anger all you need to. Its not likely to last forever. Youre likely to feel something else once you’ve given voice and action to it…and when youve felt you’ve had enough of it.
And if, like me, it sometimes scares you with its intensity, at least in this forum there are a number of people who have empathy for those enduring that stage of recovery.
It aint pretty, it aint pleasant, but it aint forever either.
'Fraid not…
If, having sex with a psychopath, using your issues and your damage against you, is the best sex, it is only because the brain, seeing the normality of being with a psychopath for a child of Psychopaths, thinks this is normal.
…'fraid it really IS just on account of the technical merit and the artistic interpretation…and the er…SUSTAINED release…
Do you not realise that psychopaths are also individuals, just like anyone else? And one tends to relate to them as such. Being the child of ONE psychopath, makes RELATING to psychopaths feel normal, but considering that psychopath (Hi Mom! :o) ) was hostile to the very idea of sex it didn’t give me any room for expectations about it…
However, just in case it wasn’t loud and clear, the “one who counted more, than all I had before” turned lovemaking into an artform and was about as far from a psycho as a person could be.
Sex just happens to be something I am very objective about…speaking of which…there seems to have been some kind of “member comparison” contest going on while I was having saturday night elsewhere?
That was nice, to let Sam have a sporting chance by offering him the opportunity to compare against the female equivalent…
Don’t think he won though.
GD
It would seem too,
that the pathological state of being in love, the biochemical mechanisms that get flooded are a really fun way to get attached so much that we have that relationship for a long time, that it extends our life.
How many studies have there been that prove people in loving committed relationships live longer? Suffer the effects of stress less?
I think I saw Dr Oz on Oprah last week talk about how regular sex within a LOVING relationship promotes health because of the biochemistry. he stressed the loving part, not me.
I’m not sure I care right now if it makes a person a little crazy. As long as I dont get that biochemically gaga over a disordered and criminal lover again, I think I’ll do OK.
My first big love, my exH was 17 years of my life…he was the good Catholic altar boy who has become a great dad and is still one of my best friends.
This second lasted 7 years and he was the criminally minded NPD/ASP, who was competitive and resentful with my son, and he wasnt capable of being a friend with me even though he said he wanted to. He actually made sure he hurt me more after the breakup.
My therapist thinks the next one will be a hero.
My psychic thinks it will be a teacher whose passion is overseas relief work.
I’m wondering if its a cop who does yoga!!!
who knows…maybe I’ll become a nun.
From: blitzen
Reply-To: blitzen
To: rbuckner62@hotmail.com
Subject: Re: [npd] in my unrelated research I came across this
Date: Fri, 02 Nov 2007 20:24:40 -0400
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