Overwhelming Emotions

Narcissistic personality disorder
#1

I don’t feel a lot or often, but when I do it can be quite overwhelming. I can understand that when negative emotions rule your life and flood you its best to overcome it. But sometimes it seems only those that have been through it understand it and there a battle to make us feel a certain way. Often people seem to get criticized for feeling empathy or pity for an N. At the same time there are people who will come down on you for feeling hurt or angry as if you don’t have a right to your feelings.

Sometimes we don’t know what to feel but should be free to express it. After all, its always been about the N…

#2

I always felt the reactions I got to what I was going through told me about where the other person was with their frame of mind and recovery, than it did about my own.

And if they didnt have experience with a N, their fear produced anxiety, judgment or discomfort of some sort. Its hard to take in when you havent experienced it, it sounds like stories made up by a drama queen (or king). Heck even N’s want us to believe we’re the drama queens when it so often starts with them.

I was just thinking the other day, I came from a loving family, had a 17 yr long loving relationship with an exhusband, I was just not prepared in any way for what my relatioNship was like. It akes sense to me that I have no previous experience in overcoming the fallout now either.

We’re learning as we go. And as we process it, experience the rollercoaster in all our assorted flavours we learn what its been like for those before us, and what it will be like for those who come after.

as hard as it is, it really does seem appropriate…all the stages we go through, all the swinging pendulums of feelings…seem appropriate given what we’ve been through.

#3

wastedyouth…i think that "treading on eggshells"with parents causes this stuff…if we were happy or cheerful as children for example…annoying,not allowd…seen but not heard mentality?
And that saying is one of the WORST things anyone can say to a child…its evil.!converseley,when sad/upset or angry…punishment…so what is expected??
i personally used to’switch off"around my N father…a seething silent rebellion…and was just"myself"when away from him!!
Someone once told me this…induction,compression,power and exhaust…and likened this to emotion.
There HAS to be an"outlet…an end result…but in N relationships…WHATEVER we do wont be right,good enough or enough!
So…perhaps the "old coping mechs.kick in"and we tend to be"seen but not heard"this is why I truly believe that giving as good as you get,with an N…regresses the balance…and lets off exhaust fumes,if you like…a healthy release.?

#4

I know our own experience with an N, when you come out of the turmoil the ensue, it takes a while for you to understand what has happened, anyone that has not had this kind of experience would not understand.

I do understand that it is a personality disorder but I don’t understand is how they just don’t think they can inflict hurt and pain on other people…as much as I hate to put it this way, it is almost as if they have no souls…I don’t mean to sound harsh but it is hard to feel empathy for them because of the chaos they cause and the mess they leave behind for us to clean up. And they go about their merry little lives as if they were never apart of yours. I don’t understand emotions like this.

#5

only a head injury away…lol
No take the point here…they are not the spawn of the devil personified…but they are just not"real’somehow.
It is hard not to care if you are a caring person…BUT its gotto be unconditional…because there is no reward…except for the little snippets of magic…the feeling that there is/maybe"something deeper"still is this worth it…to many yes.

#6

This is priceless connedagain…it says exactly what i couldnt myself find in words but feel,thankyou for that one and im sure Ihat many others will feel the same.
its that lack of the’human touch’isnt it…lack of a soul as you said.(almost,zombified,)
No ,its not easy being with an N and anyone who has/is deserves a bloody medal…literally.
Im sure these people are from another planet…but the old saying is true,“we cant help who we love”(or can we?),that just happens,even though we all get the’fallout"

#7

A lot of people feel sympathy for those with NPD, and I think its often a natural stage that many people go through in healing (but probably not all.) I don’t think my ex was always aware of what she was doing or had cruel intentions but very often she did indeed do things with intent of hurting or ever frustrating people.

Its natural to pity people, especially when they are self destructive and create these rescuing environments… at least in some point in the relationships. I feel sorry for my ex because she may never have a deep meaningful relationship or know the true meaning of compassion or love… because she prevents herself from obtaining everything that she wants. Plus, its all really the result of genetics and a bad childhood.

As for having no soul, it often seems that way I can understand. My ex didn’t have a conscience and thats a scary thing. But its not like there a point in her life where Satan came down to her and asked her to her to sell her soul. I mean, I’m a decent person, but its only a head injury away that I might be acting in such a manner… Which reminds me of the time I literally thought my ex might be possessed by demons and needed an exorcism.

If they aren’t flying right though and looking to improve, I’m all for locking them up in mental institutions…

#8

Not the devil personified? Sometimes I’m not always so sure… it looks and feels that way sometimes. =) It does involve a whole lot of unconditional love, which is going to put you in the situation of being more of a parent. Thats how my life turned out with an N type. The favor was not returned in the slightest.

#9

hit the spot there…a parent.
Thats what it is like…we must all have some kind of"nurturing"thing on the go…again,does this come from nurturing spoiled daddy/mummy when we were children…think weve always been grown up,and had to parent ourselves perhaps.
Still,thats not a bad thing…

#10

Spiralupwards…you are so wise beyond your years. And all of you too. You just don’t understand how much…or what finding this site has meant to me. So many times dealing with my N husband I thought that I was the one the was “crazy”. I would talk to my circle of wonderful, intelligent friends and I would realize that I was “spot on” in most of my thinking. I’m too ashamed to confide in all my closest friends about what my home life is like. I know they will stick it out with me whatever I choose, but most just don’t understand him and really upset with me that I choose to stay and not toss him out on his ear. I understand why they feel this way…before this…I have given “educated” lol…advice to hundreds of people about getting away from abusive relationships. Now here I sit. I am lucky in some aspects…he drinks very rarely…and when he does it’s half a glass of wine or one mixed drink, he doesn’t abuse drugs and he is not physically violent. I almost let him destroy me mentally and emotinally until several weeks ago when I became active on this site. It may have been longer…I lose track of time. But it has been a God send…litterally…I was to the point where I was so overwhelmed that it was easier not to live than it was to live. When I realized I was thinking this way I started making progress climbing out…instead of digging deeper…make sense? In just the little time that I have been here I have learning skills that I’m applying and are already working. I wish everyone a peaceful day.

#11

its just a little bit of HOPE.
you sounded emotionally’burned out"but it is true…we can only get so low and the only bloody way is up…lol
Most people on here are’born fighters"it seems…and anyone in or getting over an N relationship,will bounce back and have grown from the experience…however the Ns remain stuck"in the same old cycle,unable to emotionally’grow up"which is a great shame really.

#12

I’ve been doing a LOT of thinking lately about my emotions because I’ve come to the gradual realization that I almost don’t have any anymore, happy or sad - it really scares me!

I have been seeing a “normal” man since Feb. but never have let myself fall for him. He’s working a new job and it’s been several weeks since we’ve actually been able to get together and I don’t really care! I understand that I am going to be very wary of letting anyone else in for a while - but, what REALLY bothers me is that nothing really makes me happy anymore. Nothing! I used to be very internally motivated and happy and ambitious, but now I feel like I’m going through motions in all areas of my life - putting on a smile, putting one foot in front of the other and managing. But, at the end of the day, I couldn’t care less about being happy again. I am not understanding this emotion and it’s worrying me. I’ve always been the eternal optimist - I’ve always looked forward to the future, the next adventure - I’ve always seen a better day ahead - always! It’s gone - I don’t enjoy hobbies anymore - I don’t care to go out - I am just overwhelmed with trying to get from home to the office and back again and playing the roles in between. How freaking sad is that!? I am hoping and praying that it’s temporary, but am hating this paralyzed, dead inside phase I’m in. I have been through a lot in my life but wonder if my relationship with, and subsequent break-up of, my N could really have such a huge impact? It’s been months and months - he doesn’t cross my mind. Any memories of him and us provoke NO emotion. I know that the coming to terms, getting over etc. is totally different - THAT, I’ve been through - this is different though because he no longer occupies my mental energy and nothing about my memories with him hurt me anymore…weird…

Anybody else feel like they’ll never be the same again? Anybody able to give me hope that I will be the same again?

#13

one word describes the feeling…FLAT…after so many ups and downs…is it surprising?
To give your absolut all…heart and soul…leaves its mark,i bet loads of others feel the same.(im over mine but feel flat)
A good way to describe this that helps me…is seeing it as a game of"snakes and ladders"and we may have gone town the bloody big snake so have lost interest in the game.also after all the ups and downs this may just be a state of"balance"sort of?
It helps me to think about it like that…broken spirited?burned out?or even stuck in “f…k it!” mode.
its almost like need ing a’fix"?(used to the roller coaster effects)and even though consciously we dont think about them any more…unconsciously there are 'issues"unresolved crap."that these relationships bring out?
This may just be a "process"no heart in anything(recovery?)
We had to find some kind of"emotional equillibrium"to balance out the crazy stuff…shutting off feelings.
But is it fair to deprive yourself of a good relationship with your new man…go for it…you have nothing to lose and everything to gain!

#14

Angiezee what you feel is normal.We will feel whole again,but it will require some work on our part.
Are you still the moderator at “True healing After NPD”?I am also a member,attempted to access it today,but it’locked.

#15

Yes,n’s require lots of unconditional love,yet exhibits zero in return.How can a relationship like this work?Spiralupwards,reread your last post on this thread.You’re on to something.

#16

Yes…heres another"analogy’as annoying as they can be…it like a roller coaster ride…up and down and now we are 'stuck"in the dip of the ride…not able to move…what goes up…must come down as they say!
Not god to have these umbalanced but exciting hair-raising rides!

#17

Spiralupwards,
Sorry,i wanted you to look at your last post on page 1 of this thread.

#18

we had to be our own parents?that post?

#19

Yes,Spiralupwards.You were already moving in the right direction when you wrote about being our own parents.All that you wrote about,also contributed to our adult relationship challenges.

#20

Oh my gosh, Connedagain, I stopped reading when I read what you first wrote here and I had to respond. You are soooo right. It is as if they have no souls. I have conveyed that to my ex personally, that he has sold his own soul somewhere down the line. Yes, and you are so right when you say that they cause upheaval, and then go on with their own (NEW) lives, like you never existed. But WE all have to remember and KNOW that this is THE DISORDER that makes them this way, it’s not who we are. For us, who have committed ourselves to them, it is devastating, because they were damn good at representing themselves to us as someone else, and we trusted and loved them. This is not just about “THEM” though, but very much about ourselves—and what do we do to correct it? To me, that’s the key----ME. Yes, it’s awful to lose the person you love, even if it’s our own mother and father. I feel so bad for my sons who know who their father is. They still love him, but now understand who he is. Once we truly understand who they are and what makes them tick—and come to understand ourselves, then we can move on and trust our own instincts.