I meant our projections to the outside world. Not the projections back to the N’s.
well thats the interesting thing about projections
how do you know one in each moment? how do you tell the difference between an accurate one and a neurotic one?
And I would imagine a woman who grew up with a N father WOULD find a relatioNship familiar and predictable…so what would her confusion be if she knew not to expect honesty, commitment, forthrightness, or having her needs considered?
How would she ever learn they are what any other reasonable person deserves and often gets?
HOw would she even know to fight for it?
interesting…thought provoking stuff
You know what? I’m about ready to project some real anger.
The various N’s in our lives have us wasting our brain power on this mental cul-de-sc.
They would love it, they would thrive on it. Every last one of them.
Oh, it’s such a poison.
Take that all you N"s. Now get out of my head.
dont you hate it when it gets crowded in there ohmicah?
What are you supposed to do when the enemy is in your head?
Hit yourself? LOL
And the funny part is that I don’t consider these people as the enemy. They’ve made me the enemy no matter what I do or say.
whats your game plan?
Ouch Phoenixxx. Now the head really hurts.
At this moment, I can relate to what you said about being stuck.
I guess the only option I have now is to follow-up and see a recommended N therapist.
It gets bleak from there.
Phoenixxx…I believe that you are mistaken in your belief about this forum. Different people need different things. What works for one, doesn’t work for another. Some are more disturbed than others and need more intense therapy, while some only need minimal therapy.
The whole purpose for this forum is to share information, be supportive and learn from others experiences in a safe, comfortable and non threatening enviornment.
The whole projection idea makes sense to me. I say this because the N’s I’ve dealt with seem to project onto me. For example, my mother believes that I am her. She is that self absorbed that she honestly thinks my qualities are hers. However she’s more than just projecting at times. She also believes she is me. Her reality seems to switch between those two perspectives. At times it’s as though she believes she’s looking into a mirror. Also I think Ohmicah said this, but yes they do believe your actions are constrained by the same reasoning as theirs. Apparently, any action taken by you is done with the same motive as them.
MW you will see when you go back and reread what I wrote about this forum, that we are in agreement, you’re merely reiterating what I said about forums.
What I ALSO said was, being a member of a support forum wont make it so you wont make the same mistakes, that you’ll be magically healed from a lifelong attraction to N’s, or that your next relationship will be a healthy one.
THAT kind of big personal growth comes from a lot of hard work…and in relation to people.
…well, and a whole lot of good luck.
You hit the nail on the head Jon. If I were to get into a fight with my brother, defending myself, he already has it mapped out that if I were to thump him, it would be because I have a problem with anger. If he were to thump me, I had it coming. Either way he’s a winner. All he needs to do is bait me into a fight, but both of us know that he would get hurt if I were to go off on him.
My nephews were trained from the diaper to tell me how much I suuuuuuuuucccccccckkkkkk. If I get upset, it’s because I’m sensitive and if I put up with it, then I must indeed suck. Again there’s no win for me. All they have to do is bait me into an altercation. They did that 3-4 years ago and we haven’t spoke since because I have a problem with their “trash talk”. (which is designed to be used on the enemy)
I’m portrayed as the one with the anger issues, yet I’m as gentle as a puppy. These guys are punching walls.
Jon
yes.
Wow! Interesting thread!
Even though my brain was on vacation for 7 years (while I was with N). ‘Projection’ was something I often caught him doing. It would be so pathetic at times that I would have to ‘overlook’ it than to call him on what he was doing.
This was something which I felt after he dumped me (and then called up my friends and his family and told them that ‘I’ was leaving him). Quiet disgusting it was.
Did any of you also feel that you were living under a micro-scope (while with N’s). My ex- N husband would ‘watch’ me 24/7! Even if we would be watching T.V he would comment/question each and every reaction of mine. e.g Why did you smile on this joke? What was going on in your head? Were you thinking about so-and-so? UGGGGHHH! I’m sorry if I went off in a tangent there
mine used to say…'stop finishing my sentances for me’and’dont speak under your breath’when i was quietly cursing him…loland dont you dare say im in a mood"how dare you decide how i feel"
He was mad and said that i was mad…it goes on…picking faults witheverything as if they are perfect!?
Hey Fancy Nancy,
My mother and step father are those types that question every action. What I’ve realized is they have a hard time understanding abstract concepts. Essentially, they don’t understand anything lunless its literal. In my case I have to explain it to them (It varies by gender. My mother is in another galaxy close to my stepfathers.) It could be both my parents are very dumb. That’s possible or a bit of ignorance and NPD with alot of other stuff. And also they can’t empathize because they only understand things as it relates to them. I suppose in your case your N was trying to rationalize your behavior through his limited/bounded rationale thus he questioned your actions.
They are so good at picking the brain for info. Remember that everything you say can and will be used against you at their discretion.
I’m so fortunate that I got to see my sister raise a mini-cult of these people. Unfortunately by default, that meant I became the enemy. D’oh
The only variant in all these stories is how desperate the N became. It’s all the same mechanics though. I’ve got to remember that the enemy is Narcissism, not the people. I’m fighting with a train of thought.
Hey JonP,
Right on the money! They are lost in their own worlds aren’t they?!
i can relate to the literal interpretations thing too…they like it simple in theirlanguage…just get to the point theysay when you add any"abstractions"black and white all or nothing world…our worlds are full of colour thank god!