Recovery from living with a narcissists

Narcissistic personality disorder
#1

An excerpt from recovery from living with a Narcissists.

 It is imperative that you talk about YOUR HURT and SHARE the FEELINGS you have about it so that YOUR REALITY is CONFIRMED.Some people will find you experience hard to believe because of the duel personalities that narcissists have,

 KEEP TALKING TILL YOU FIND SOMEONE WHO WILL BELIEVE YOU.

THERE ARE SUPPORT GROUPS ON THE INTERNET. THERE YOU WILL

FIND PEOPLE WHO HAVE HAD SIMILAR EXPERIENCES AND THEY

WILL NOT ONLY HAVE A SENSE OF HOW YOU ARE FEELING AND

IDEA OF THE DEPTH OF YOUR PAIN, BUT THEY WILL AFFIRM THE REALITY OF YOUR OWN SITUATION .

 YOU WON'T FIND IT HERE! I could be wrong but this does not      sound supportive to me from Mr Vaknin at all,

The vast majority of members here are either feeble-minded non-entities like bup and nic or raging narcissistic psychopaths like Gaye or stealth narcissists like Phoenix/PrimaDonna (what an apt choice of nickname).

This forum is toxic and will continue to poison all of you. At least I hope so. You deserve no better. I fully sympathize with your abusers. You had it all coming to you and more.

Sam

more excerpts from recovery

 Beware of your own self destructiveness. Take care that you do not accidently put your self in positions in which you are vulnerable. Cultivate friendships WITH PEOPLE WHO ARE EMOTIONALLY HEALTHY,

THOSE WHO GENUIENLY AFFIRM YOU.

The test of whether people are enriching for you is determined by how you feel after you have spent time with them. If you feel drained and exhausted, you have your answer.

Is anyone else not feeling enriched supported or affirmed around here anymore? Are you exhausted and drained from what is going on in this forum?

 Do you feel like this not a careplace at all?

ARE THERE ANY GOOD CARING PEOPLE LEFT HERE?

 BLITZIEJO YOU HAVE DRIVEN PEOPLE OFF THIS SITE AND INTO HIDING, YOU ARE NOT HERE TO HELP ANYONE, YOU CAME AFTER SAM, AND THAT IS ALL THIS BOARD IS ABOUT, THE THREE OF YOU. IT'S THE SAM AND BLITZIEJO SHOW, SOON YOU'LL HAVE THE PLACE ALL TO YOURSELVES.

THAT IS REALLY SAD, IT STARTED OUT AS A SUPPORT BOARD AND WAS HELPING SURVIVORS, CONNECT AND HELP EACH OTHER.NOW IT IS YOUR WAY, CHANGED TO JUST ABUSE NOT NPD, WE'RE ALL WRONG, YOU KNOW BEST. 

WELL YOU WERE RIGHT BLITZIEJO, YOU SAID IT

" IT IS NOT NPD, IT'S JUST ABUSE,"

AND THAT IS WHAT YOU GET HERE "JUST ABUSE".

I FEEL BAD FOR ANY NEW PEOPLE FINDING THIS KIND OF SUPPORT AFTER DEALING WITH N, MORE OF THE SAME, CAN'T ESCAPE IT, IT IS EVEN ON SUPPORT BOARDS.

THE CAREPLACE ABUSE SITE, IF YOU HAVEN'T HAD ENOUGH, YOU CAN GET ALL YOU NEED HERE.

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL THE GOOD CARING PEOPLE

                  HUGS MAMOLIE

#2

Mamolie

I suspect youre right.

But I’m glad you and i stuck it out long enough that we crossed paths.

Youre a good heart :slight_smile:

youre a good good heart Lady

thanks for being here.

#3

In response to mamolie

On August 19, mamolie wrote:

I think victim mentality is the point I am trying to make. You are only a victim if you so chose. And we can most certainly chose our persecutors. The NPD may be in fact, the truer victim because he does not chose his dilemma. Being unable to feel empathy and self assess means he functions with a disability. Would a rationale person chose to stand on the shoulders of a person who has no legs? I am not trying to be facitous, rather my NPD is dead. So who do I blame now for who I am and what I feel and what I do?

Mamolie, am I out of line to suggest that you make your sweet words MEAN SOMETHING HONEST!!

#4

primadonna, nic, bup, all the good caring people
What they don’t understand, sometimes when you get knocked or mowed down, you need someone to help you back up,and to lean on for a minute or two and isn’t always a pleasant surprise when it is a stranger, that would take the time to help you. Renews your faith in mankind. PD your a good heart too! Hugs mamoile

#5

http://uberamour.deviantart.com/art/Spin-40401232

#6

http://afvoetomath.deviantart.com/art/Stick-Together-TEAM-2-58376688

#7

hey fellow survivors

and especially Mamolie

this too is for you

turn up the volume:

#8

primadonna, nic, bup, all the good caring people
What they don’t understand, sometimes when you get knocked or mowed down, you need someone to help you back up,and to lean on for a minute or two and isn’t always a pleasant surprise when it is a stranger, that would take the time to help you. Renews your faith in mankind. PD your a good heart too! Hugs mamoile

Mamolie, Sometimes that stranger is a person who gives you a kick in the ass to get yourself UP. Many in the world would rather see you just die or become even more passive and submissive so they can opportune your despair.

He does not have his head on his shoulders right. Do you you, can you?

#9

again, for everyone

and Mamolie and CZ especially

my thanks for being particularly tender in my privately hard moments in the last few months

enjoy everyone!

(turn up the volume for this too, its as important as the video)

love love love to you

may you al be especially blessed with love this season

#10

In my bed this morning I awoke and this thought came into my head,
“Narcissist live ON this earth,
normal people live IN it.” They believe that their intention here is
to be better than what earth provides, normal people see things at
face value and accept that it is what it is. The narcissist’s souls
are tortured, that is why they want to steal less tainted souls and
ravage them. Our souls have hope and faith and love. Their souls
have anger, rage and fear of being just the same as anyone
else…Hold on to
your souls ladies (and gents)…

HAVE A GREAT DAY!!

On Dec 18, 2007, at 12:09 AM, PrimaDonna wrote:

#11

mamolie

You are every bit as much of a contributor to the problems on this board if not more so. Sure you pulled examples of posts from August, but not Sept and Oct when you had at that point, taken the bully pulpit to persecute all the “Ns” of the world. That is when the conflicts on this board started. And it angered you that Blitxen and myself suggested you were out of line and needed to take some personal responsibility for your own state of misery. You have since done your own share of bullying, numerous sarcastic remarks, and dumping of passive aggressive anger since towards us. As you and others have admitted, you dumped the last few days because of personal issues you have at home. And here you are again on this board doing the same, putting others down, and making myself, Blitzen, and Sam responsible for your actions.

Great you will only tolerate getting kicked by someone one time, but not the second. Good example of you doing what made you so made at us for suggesting.

#12

There is a big difference between you, Sam and the caring people on the planet that have empathy. I may have been knocked down pretty good but you know, I still believe in the goodness of people, he didn't trun me into a hateing narcissist. I will still help a stranger, I might get a kick in the ass, but most times, you get a smile and a thank you.

I had a problem for awhile with the saying" YOU GET WHAT YOU PUT OUT THERE" I put genunie love and caring out there and I got that back from everyone who ever knew me, except my H. Pity he has NPD, and could never appreciate or love that goodness in me His illness hated and despised those qualities in me, he nearly destroyed me, he lost, I still love and care. Yes I am hurting, but I will make it. I have always hated injustice, I have been hung up, on that about my life. I was looking at it wrong, the justice is, I am still me, I didn't turn into you, Sam or my H,I still see the world as a good place and with good people in it, and I see the bad more clearly now.

I don't know anyone on this board personally,who or what they are in their real life is irrevelent, what we have in common, a devestating NPD relationship,even it is "just abuse" to you, it hurts like hell, that I understand, that I relate too, that I feel. We are in different stages of finding ourselves, sharing those experiences and feelings helps us all at this moment in time. I can experiment and try to make a cake I have tasted, but if you give me the recipe it sure makes a lot easier for me. You could look at this board that way, everyone here has the necessary ingredient to put that cake together and get it baked.

Good news,blitziejo, if that stranger kicks me in the ass, they won't get to do it again. I am work in progress, can't say that for you or Sam.

                                                                  Hugs mamolie

#13

Mam:

I know you think I am nuts for doing what I did with Sam yesterday,
but it did help me. I “imagined” him
as my father and my brother. Because Sam is imaginary. This IS what
I tried to explain. I will never
know Sam and he will never know me. But I stood up to his anger and
it didn’t bother me. I laughed at
his wrath. Now, if and when, my brother or father does treat me like
that, it won’t get under my skin.
I can only imagine how painful this would be if it were my husband.
But you have two choices Mamolie.
To leave him or to stay with him and build up the confidence to
protect yourself from his strange wrath.
And ONCE YOU DO, you won’t be hurt by him anymore. I laughed when I
received a CUTTING BOARD from my bro after all this went on. A
SQUARE WOODEN CUTTING BOARD. HOW ORIGINAL AND THOUGHTFUL, DON’T YOU
THINK? Last year, I would have been in a puddle of tears.

If he demoralizes your opinion, give it right back to him. If he
devalues your existence, make sure he knows that you are worth
everything in the world. AND KEEP DOING IT. You can’t keep
absorbing the pain for him. Your sponge is full of water. It is
time to release the weight and twist the water out. You have the
RIGHT to live life as YOU SEE IT. Just as he has the right to live
life AS HE SEES IT. IT IS OK TO LOVE and BE HAPPY. KEEP ON KEEPING
ON!! HE IS THE ONE WHO LOST HIS ABILITY TO FEEL, NOT YOU! DON’T
FEEL PITY, JUST DON’T LET HIM PENETRATE YOUR SOUL. YOU HAVE TWO
CHOICES, LEAVE HIM, OR STAY AND DON’T ABSORB THE PAIN ANYMORE. WORK
ON YOUR CORE STRENGTH AND HIT THOSE JABS RIGHT BACK AT HIM. IF HE
STARTS TO PHYSICALLY ABUSE YOU INSTEAD, THEN LEAVE…YOU
SHOULD NOT HAVE TO TAKE THE ABUSE. 99% OF THE TIME, RED FLAGS ARE
CORRECT. YOU ARE NOT MAKING IT UP IN YOUR HEAD. HE IS ABUSING YOU.
DON’T TAKE ONE MORE MINUTE OF IT. I KNOW IT SOUNDS LIKE I AM AT STEP
12 OF THE 12 STEPS, BUT I THINK I MIGHT BE. AND MY FAMILY KNOWS
IT…

On Dec 18, 2007, at 9:12 AM, mamolie wrote:

#14

blitziejo,

 how silly you are, I am not blind, I could see a man had no legs,I am dumb, did not know about NPD, you can't see inside an  NPD's brain and he could act so normal at times to throw you off. Neither one of us had a choice, just worked out better for him. He has nothing to do, he does not know he is disabled. I on the other hand have to work hard on me . I look ok, but then no one can see my broken and  crushed spirit  either.  I am mending, just takes time.    

And , you are always out of line, you just can't seem to get that, rolls right off your back. what else is new?

have a great day!!!!!!

              Hugs to you

                            mamolie

#15

I was at Genuardi’s today grocery shopping. I was passing a man who
was doing some stacking. I said, “Excuse me” in a friendly manner,
looked him directly in the eye and smiled. I past him by and went to
get some bread. He turned got up from the floor,tapped me on the
shoulder and said, " I don’t mean to interrupt your shopping, but I
just want to say thanks." And I said, “For what?” And he said, “Most
people ignore me, push me and run me over with their carts, try to
avoid me and don’t even acknowledge my presence. You said, excuse
me, and smiled and looked right at me.” " I just want to say there
aren’t many people like you left in the world and keep on doing what
you are doing." I said," Thank you! I appreciate what you do too.
And I appreciate you having the courage to give me the compliment .
You made my holiday."

In the spirit of Christmas, this is really all that counts. Saying
thank you and appreciating the small stuff in life,
even smaller than you think. No gift gives you a better feeling than
mutual admiration and respect. Even if you are a stacker or a
housewife, we are all equal.

Not one thing this Christmas will make me happier than that strange
man thanking me today. It was really a magical experience.

On Dec 18, 2007, at 1:18 PM, mamolie wrote:

#16

Sorry they are boring PrimaDonna. Please stimulate the conversation.

#17

That’s true Susiejo,

…and all you and I have ever done to Mamolie is refuse to stroke her ego and pretend that she is right when she is not…

So she attacks and abuses us at will…we don’t attack and abuse her.

I feel that “caring” and “empathy” are just empty words to her, that she doesn’t even try to understand or feel.

GD

#18

And here you are again on this board doing the same, putting others down, and making myself, Blitzen, and Sam responsible for your actions.

 

 

B    O    R    I    I    I    I   N   G       !!!!

#19

ohhh Gaye…

thats not what its about.

Its not about artificially stimulating conversation. Its about bringing up whats in one’s heart, what weighs on one’s mind, what bothers one’s conscience, what brings up the tears…when those moments arrive.

its about actually hearing and seeing and recognizing the humanity in another and responding with one’s own humanity.

Its not about drumming up interest.

If youre doing the same thing day after day and I’m bored because you never change, I can tell you how its boring and you can do something different in which case I might be intrigued (likely would be intrigued) or you can keep doing what youre doing and I can stay and continue to be bored, or I can leave.

But I wont be starting a thread until it naturally and organically develops on its own. I like authenticity.

I go in the direction of my interest.

And…I can tolerate boredom.

the question is, can you tolerate taking a risk and being creative in your own authenticity?

or tolerate the vacuum?

#20

Please give it up Trisha, I think everybody can see who you are and what you are doing for themselves by now.

GD

Edited because it is SO late and I am so tired of this stuff I actually put the name of a friend of mine I have been gossiping with by mistake.