SAM'S DAILY LINK Sex and Personality Disorders

Narcissistic personality disorder
#1

Our sexual behavior expresses not only our psychosexual makeup but also the
entirety of our personality. Sex is the one realm of conduct which involves
the full gamut of emotions, cognitions, socialization, traits, heredity, and
learned and acquired behaviors. By observing one’s sexual predilections and
acts, the trained psychotherapist and diagnostician can learn a lot about
the patient.

Inevitably, the sexuality of patients with personality disorders is thwarted
and stunted. In the Paranoid Personality Disorder, sex is depersonalized and
the sexual partner is dehumanized. The paranoid is besieged by persecutory
delusions and equates intimacy with life-threatening vulnerability, a
"breach in the defenses" as it were. the paranoid uses sex to reassure
himself that he is still in control and to quell is anxiety.

Continue to read this article here (click on this link):

http://samvak.tripod.com/personalitydisorders47.html

The article you just read is part of my book, “Malignant Self Love -
Narcissism Revisited” (January 2007)

#3

PD:

I’m inclined, at least for now, to believe what Gaye has said about herself.

Sam:

In which forum? Because what she says here is contradicted by what she says
elsewhere.

Which of her lies do you foolishly choose to believe?

#4

Oh gosh here comes mamolie to save the day and lo and behold, she has decided to play Trisha’s game of twisting and putting words into other’s mouths.

Please mamolie - protect your honor and reflect where anyone diagnosed PD as a psychopath.

#6

I have Gaye/Blitzen/Susiejo on “delete from server”. I am not getting any of
her posts directly - only “echoes” through the members’ responses to her.

Sam

----- Original Message -----
From: “mamolie” npd-cpt7103@lists.careplace.com
To: palma@unet.com.mk
Sent: Sunday, December 16, 2007 5:11 PM
Subject: Re: [npd] SAM’S DAILY LINK Sex and Personality Disorders

#7

SAM- THIS WAS ONE OF THE TWO THINGS THAT HIT ME THE HARDEST WHEN I READ YOUR BOOK. BEING USED SEXUALLY IS HARD TO SWALLOW , ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU’VE LOVED SOMEONE SO MUCH. YOU ARE LOVING WHILE HE’S LUSTING. IT SEEMED SO DEGRADING TO ME. OF COURSE THE OTHER THING WAS THAT HE NEVER LOVED ME IN THE FIRST PLACE. THAT CUTS TO THE CORE. BUT NOW THANKS TO YOU AT LEAST I KNOW WHAT I WAS DEALING WITH. MY EGO IS MENDING , AND IT WILL CONTINUE.

#8

Question:

What is the typical profile of a homosexual narcissist?

Answer:

I am a heterosexual and thus deprived of an intimate acquaintance with
certain psychological processes, which allegedly are unique to homosexuals.
I find it hard to believe that there are such processes, to begin with.
Research failed to find any substantive difference between the psychological
make-up of a narcissist who happens to have homosexual preferences - and a
heterosexual narcissist.

Continue to read this article here (click on this link):

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq18.html

Women narcissists

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq34.html

Narcissists are people who fail to maintain a stable sense of self-worth.
Very often somatic narcissists (narcissistic who use their bodies and their
sexuality to secure Narcissistic Supply) tend to get involved in
extra-marital affairs. The new “conquests” sustain their grandiose fantasies
and their distorted and unrealistic self-image.

Continue to read this article here (click on this link):

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq61.html

Question:

Are narcissists mostly hyperactive or hypoactive sexually and to what extent
are they likely to be unfaithful in marriage?

Answer:

Continue to read this article here (click on this link):

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq29.html

Narcissists are repulsed and intimidated by intimacy

http://samvak.tripod.com/intimacyabuse.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/journal60.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse14.html

Our sexual behavior expresses not only our psychosexual makeup but also the
entirety of our personality. Sex is the one realm of conduct which involves
the full gamut of emotions, cognitions, socialization, traits, heredity, and
learned and acquired behaviors. By observing one’s sexual predilections and
acts, the trained psychotherapist and diagnostician can learn a lot about
the patient.

Inevitably, the sexuality of patients with personality disorders is thwarted
and stunted. In the Paranoid Personality Disorder, sex is depersonalized and
the sexual partner is dehumanized. The paranoid is besieged by persecutory
delusions and equates intimacy with life-threatening vulnerability, a
"breach in the defenses" as it were. the paranoid uses sex to reassure
himself that he is still in control and to quell is anxiety.

Continue to read this article here (click on this link):

http://samvak.tripod.com/personalitydisorders47.html

Narcissists are either cerebral or somatic. In other words, they either
generate their Narcissistic Supply by applying their bodies or by applying
their minds.

Continue to read this article here (click on this link):

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/journal21.html

Most patients with the Histrionic Personality Disorder are women. This
immediately raises the question: Is this a real mental health disorder or a
culture-bound syndrome which reflects the values of a patriarchal and
misogynistic society? A man with similar traits is bound to be admired as a
"macho" or, at worst, labeled a “womanizer”.

Continue to read this article here (click on this link):

http://samvak.tripod.com/personalitydisorders17.html

She shifts uneasily in her seat: “I like to flirt. A little flirting never
hurt nobody is what I say.”

Continue to read this article here (click on this link):

http://samvak.tripod.com/personalitydisorders52.html

Take care.

Sam
----- Original Message -----
From: “VICTIM” npd-cpt7103@lists.careplace.com
To: palma@unet.com.mk
Sent: Thursday, December 13, 2007 5:06 PM
Subject: Re: [npd] SAM’S DAILY LINK Sex and Personality Disorders

#9

Sam–

I do have a question: Sexually thwarted and stunted; does that mean that “ALL” the people with pathological narcissistic disorder? My ex-husband was a cerebral narcissist, DID cheat once that I know of, but will deny it to his death, (only to admit to it during a drunken stooper), and take it back once sober, denying he ever admitted to anything. Then later pulls away from the conversation, and does not respond to anything with that topic, like it didn’t happen: the affair and the conversation. (Does that make sense to you?)

When my husband was drunk he did seem to let his guard down (sexually), but when he was not drunk (and he is not an alcoholic by any mean), he would whimper and moan if I came near him for affection, playing like it was a game–so I thought, until I came too close and he actually SCREAMED and RAGED at me. This happened often enough.

Could you answer and respond to the entirety of this conversation?

Thank you,
Mariel Lee

#10

I totally get what Sam is saying, and Gaye, I do not agree with you on this one. It’s not just about premature ejaculation, as a matter of fact that never happened with my N.

Everything Sam is saying is what I have felt. I was rejected sexually from my partner on so many different levels, and now it all makes sense. When I was a young wife in my early twenties and the sex started to change, I found myself calling my husband Elvis, as I had just read about Elvis and how his wife accused him of the Madonna/whore syndrome. Without even knowing ANYTHING way back then, I felt that my husband rejected me because he looked at me like the Virgin Mary.

There is no doubt about what Sam is saying. My husband did everything he has mentioned, and now it makes a hell of a lot of sense why he did.

Mariel Lee

#11

I spent my whole childhood with this feeling. Everyday. My father
and brother were not my lovers (thank God) but their indifference
molded my perception of myself. I often wonder who I would be if I
had a normal father that
actually loved me. His loss…

On Dec 14, 2007, at 5:42 PM, mariel lee wrote:

#12

Yes, all narcissists have a thwarted sexuality, though only a minority of
them develop paraphilias (sexual deviations).

Sex is an expression of intimacy.

Narcissists are afraid of intimacy and commitment.

Click on these links are read the articles:

It is an established fact that abuse - verbal, psychological, emotional,
physical, and sexual - co-occurs with intimacy. Most reported offenses are
between intimate partners and between parents and children. This defies
common sense. Emotionally, it should be easier to batter, molest, assault,
or humiliate a total stranger. It’s as if intimacy CAUSES abuse, incubates
and nurtures it.

Continue to read this article here (click on this link):

http://samvak.tripod.com/intimacyabuse.html

Intimacy Retarding Paranoia

Paranoia is use by the narcissist to ward off or reverse intimacy. The
narcissist is threatened by intimacy because it reduces him to ordinariness
by exposing his weaknesses and shortcomings and by causing him to act
"normally". The narcissist also dreads the encounter with his deep buried
emotions - hurt, envy, anger, aggression - likely to be foisted on him in an
intimate relationship.

The paranoid narrative legitimizes intimacy repelling behaviours such as
keeping one’s distance, secrecy, aloofness, reclusion, aggression, intrusion
on privacy, lying, desultoriness, itinerancy, unpredictability, and
idiosyncratic or eccentric reactions. Gradually, the narcissist succeeds to
alienate and wear down all his friends, colleagues, well-wishers, and mates.

Continue to read this article here (click on this link):

http://samvak.tripod.com/journal60.html

The narcissist does his damnedest to avoid intimacy. He constantly lies
about every aspect of his life: his self, his history, his vocations and
avocations, and his emotions. This false data guarantee his informative
lead, asymmetry, or “advantage” in his relationships. It fosters
disintimisation. It casts a pall of cover up, separateness, mystery over the
narcissist’s affairs.

Continue to read this article here (click on this link):

http://samvak.tripod.com/narcissismintimacy.html

The narcissist divides all women to saints and whores. He finds it difficult
to have sex (“dirty”, “forbidden”, “punishable”, “degrading”) with feminine
significant others (spouse, intimate girlfriend). To him, sex and intimacy
are mutually exclusive rather than mutually expressive propositions.

Continue to read this article here (click on this link):

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq79.html

People with Personality Disorders (PDs) are very afraid of real, mature,
intimacy. Intimacy is formed not only within a couple, but also in a
workplace, in a neighborhood, with friends, while collaborating on a
project. Intimacy is another word for emotional involvement, which is the
result of interactions with others in constant and predictable (safe)
propinquity.

Continue to read this article here (click on this link):

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq69.html

Narcissists have no interest in emotional or even intellectual stimulation
by significant others. Such feedback is perceived as a threat. Significant
others in the narcissist’s life have very clear roles: the accumulation and
dispensation of past Primary Narcissistic Supply in order to regulate
current Narcissistic Supply. Nothing less but definitely nothing more.
Proximity and intimacy breed contempt. A process of devaluation is in full
operation throughout the life of the relationship.

Continue to read this article here (click on this link):

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq80.html

Inevitably, the sexuality of patients with personality disorders is thwarted
and stunted. In the Paranoid Personality Disorder, sex is depersonalized and
the sexual partner is dehumanized. The paranoid is besieged by persecutory
delusions and equates intimacy with life-threatening vulnerability, a
"breach in the defenses" as it were. the paranoid uses sex to reassure
himself that he is still in control and to quell is anxiety.

Continue to read this article here (click on this link):

http://samvak.tripod.com/personalitydisorders47.html

http://samvak.tripod.master.com/texis/master/search/?q=approach-avoidance

Question:

What is the mechanism behind the cycles of over-valuation (idealization) and
devaluation in the narcissist’s life?

Answer:

Continue to read this article here (click on this link):

http://samvak.tripod.com/devaluationidealization.html

Thus, paradoxically, the worst his anguish and unhappiness, the more
relieved and elated such an abuser feels! He is “liberated” and "unshackled"
by his own self-initiated abandonment, he insists. He never really wanted
this commitment, he tells any willing (or buttonholed) listener - and
anyhow, the relationship was doomed from the beginning by the egregious
excesses and exploits of his wife (or partner or friend or boss).

Continue to read this article here (click on this link):

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse14.html

Thus, on the one hand, the narcissist feels that his freedom depends upon
re-enacting these early experiences. On the other hand, he is terrified by
this prospect. Realizing that he is doomed to go through the same traumas
over and over again, the narcissist distances himself by using his
aggression to alienate, to humiliate and in general, to be emotionally
absent.

This behavior brings about the very consequence that the narcissist so
fears - abandonment. But, this way, at least, the narcissist is able to tell
himself (and others) that HE was the one who fostered the separation, that
it was fully his choice and that he was not surprised. The truth is that,
governed by his internal demons, the narcissist has no real choice. The
dismal future of his relationships is preordained.

Continue to read this article here (click on this link):

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq4.html

In his quest to find new sources, he again embarks on ego-mending bouts of
sex, followed by the selection of a spouse or a mate (a Secondary
Narcissistic Supply Source). Then the cycle re-commence: a sharp drop in
sexual activity, emotional absence and cruel detachment leading to
abandonment.

Continue to read this article here (click on this link):

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq29.html
----- Original Message -----
From: “mariel lee” npd-cpt7103@lists.careplace.com
To: palma@unet.com.mk
Sent: Friday, December 14, 2007 12:17 AM
Subject: Re: [npd] SAM’S DAILY LINK Sex and Personality Disorders

#13

WHEN I TRIED TO CONFRONT MY N. , ONE OF THE FIRST THINGS HE SAID WAS, “I NEVER WANTED YOU TO MOVE IN WITH ME”. THAT SHOCKED ME. THEN HE SAID," THESE HAVE BEEN THE HAPPIEST 5 DAYS WITHOUT YOU THERE". (UNSHACKLED). AFTER SEX HE WOULD SAY," I HATE LOOSING CONTROL". THEN THE LITTLE KID IN HIM CAME OUT. “NO ONE HELPS ME AT WORK. THEY ALL HATE ME”. THE RAMBLING CONTINUED ON AND ON. DOESN’T THIS ALL SOUND LIKE A TEXTBOOK CASE?

#14

Ugh…
On Dec 14, 2007, at 7:15 AM, VICTIM wrote:

#15

Sam, Interesting perspectives on sexuality, particularly narcissist’s. Following is scientific perspective which as you know, I prefer to follow. Are you saying that N’s are maladaptive or do not have the normal drives to reproduce? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Biological_imperative

Biological Imperatives - Reproduction

Biological imperatives are the needs of living organisms required to perpetuate their existence: to survive. include the following hierarchy of logical imperatives for a living organism: survival, territorialism, competition, reproduction, quality of life-seeking. Living organisms that do not follow these imperatives are described as maladaptive; those that do are adaptive. Maladaptivity is perhaps the most fundamental criteria for defining abnormality and mental illness.

Reproduction

Biological imperatives are important to the study of evolution. In order for species to persist, they must by definition reproduce to ensure the continuation of their species. Without reproduction the species ceases to exist. The need for living organisms to reproduce to perpetuate the existence of their species implies a certain kind of existential empathy; whether bacteria have such feelings is doubtful. The need to reproduce may be based upon the chemical and physical reactions that naturally occur between the atoms that make up the molecules, that make up the proteins, that make up the cells, that make up each living organism.

The biological imperative of reproduction is subordinate to the biological imperatives of survival, evidenced by the observation that most species will abandon their offspring to seek self-preservation; and territoriality, evidenced by the observation that most species define and occupy a territory before seeking to reproduce. On a philosophical level, the question of whether organisms “choose” to reproduce or whether it is in some way a more fundamental chemical reaction at a sub-cellular level may help explain the mechanism by which bacteria, and viruses are compelled to reproduce.

The phrase can be used to describe the behaviour of specific organisms or a species as a whole. Although the phrase can be applied to any organism, it is often used to refer to animal sexual reproduction.

In psychology, genetic imperative is important as a way of understanding family structure and gender interactions.

It has been theorised[citation needed] that genetic imperative is the basis for male dominance in polygamous cultures, meaning that in some cultures it is acceptable for a man to have multiple wives, but it is rare for a culture to accept a woman having multiple husbands. The theory states that since it is biologically feasible for a male to impregnate many women in a shorter amount of time, while the female reproductive cycle is limited to intervals longer than nine months, the male genetic imperative compels males to seek multiple sexual partners, while the female genetic imperative compels the female to seek one male who will help with the process of bringing the child to adulthood.

Genetic imperative is also theorized to be the basis of exclusivity in sexual relationships. Since genetic imperative works in an organism by causing the organism to wish to spread its own genes, the organism tries to prevent other organisms from spreading their genes in the same territory. This behavior is theorized to be exhibited by humans in the exclusivity of many human sexual relationships, also known as monogamy.

The same theory can also be used to explain many other observed behaviors, especially relating to nutrition and available food sources. For example sheep (herbivores) killing animals and chewing on their bones to supply needed calcium for their diet. It is theorized that many of the cravings women sometimes have for strange foods during pregnancy can be attributed to important nutrients that are required.

#16

Actually Susiejo,

On this very rare occasion:

Our sexual behavior expresses not only our psychosexual makeup but also the
entirety of our personality. Sex is the one realm of conduct which involves
the full gamut of emotions, cognitions, socialization, traits, heredity, and
learned and acquired behaviors.

Sam has a point…but only because he got it straight from me…but not this, THIS is just getting into WEIRD:

By observing one’s sexual predilections and acts, the trained psychotherapist and diagnostician can learn a lot about the patient.

I mean how in the living feck would you set THAT up?

chuckles

In real terms, it is more like palmistry…

Basically, if you cross my palm with your Amex card and send me your man, I will give you a reading, and you will be STUNNED by the accuracy…but only if he doesn’t know what he is being sent for…because if he knows that, it will inhibit him…and distort the reading…

It doesn’t seem to work so well for women, I think that is because, unconsciously, we are still too conditioned to “please our partners” to express who we are accurately enough.

So HOW ON EARTH does Sam envisage a diagnostic application?

No…this is a family site…I won’t speculate…

GD

#17

Blixten, I don’t disagree with what you are saying at all.

It is other stuff of Sam’s such as the following:

"Yes, all narcissists have a thwarted sexuality, though only a minority of
them develop paraphilias (sexual deviations).

Sam was responding to a post of Mariel Lee’s about her husband having a brief affair. Sam is saying that is reflective of N’s being thwarted, when in fact such activity is very common and normal among all males, PD or not. They actually occur among females too in broad spectrum of the population - some state that contemporary women are even worse about infidelities.

The piece I posted makes reference to polygamy - males having a number of female mates (wives). You know 85% of the people in this world consider polygamy normal and acceptable.

#18

It does speak for who we are.

How can it not?

#19

“Yes, all narcissists have a thwarted sexuality, though only a minority of
them develop paraphilias (sexual deviations).”

Yes, having, shall we say, done far more extensive research at the coalface of a far broader spectrum of human sexuality, (including all flavors of Narcissism) that Sam ever has…and confining my research to more controlled, private, one on one conditions (having now experienced a group sex orgy, primarily as an observer, I have to say, in all sincerity, that there are far too many distractions therein for the serious researcher) I don’t really understand how Sam came up with that either…

In my experience the only distinguishing factor of the pathologically Narcissistic is a lower than normal incidence of premature ejaculation…though I must confess that I may have succeeded in “thwarting” the sexuality or one or two pathological Narcissists myself in my time…I doubt if it was significant enough for them to develop a paraphillia as a result… :o)

…and besides, WHAT is a paraphillia anyway?

Mainstream shopping catalogues (in HOLY IRELAND where we only got divorce in 1997) sell BDSM gear now, high street chainstores sell PVC underwear alongside the Christmas toys…

“Gay” is an important and growing aspect of the tourist industry and a drag queen reads lottery related result on TV twice a week…

Two years ago the big UK “feelgood” Christmas movie was “Kinkyboots” and centered on transvestism and foot worship.

So how are we defining paraphillia here?

Infidelity isn’t paraphillia…it’s just bog standard perfidy…like kiting checks…

GD

#20

Another thing I find so fascinating is that I am everything my ex-husband isn’t. I am outgoing. I am fun, (my sons and I called him the “Fun Nazi”), I love to laugh, I love love, I am sexually healthy, and I am sooooooo empathetic. If my example couldn’t rub off, nothing will. I camouflaged a lot for him. And I find it extremely sad. I am very sad for him, yet I will never let my guard down again. From everything I have read, if I was to try to comfort him, he would call me “sick” and turn it around on me.

I feel raped and cheated. I spent 23 years with a lie. I am one of the lucky ones to have found a “healthy relationship,” but that doesn’t take away the pain of the break-up of a family. I do, however, feel my anger dissispating, and I NEVER thought it would. I know it’s still there somewhere inside of me, but today it doesn’t take away my every breath, and eat at my soul.

Mariel Lee

#21

Mariel,

Just because Sam is familiar with sexual congress with your ex, does not mean he has test driven them all.

Trust me, he hasn’t, and he is clueless.

GD

PS You DO realise that I just said all I had ever seen was a lower than average incidence of premature ejaculation, and you said i was wrong because premature ejaculation was not an issue…maybe you should actually READ things before you agree or disagree?

#22

Mariel Lee, I am curious. Correct me here because I am kind of shooting. You feel that you husband never loved you and just used you. But then you are attributing his lack of sexual interest to some neurotic psychological attitudes. Why do you not equate his lack of sexual desire to not loving you?

Another question, do you think his current wife is dealing with the same kinds of problems?