So afraid

Bipolar
#186

Hi Anne,

You know I understand about the age thing, as I am 61 in June, an still am trying to get it together to where I am feeling good most of the time. I don’t think it is possible to feel good 100% of the time, but i would be nice if I could feel really good at least 50% of the time. But then I suppose that is asking way too much. I guess I wouldn’t know what to do if I felt stable most of the time, since I really never have. I suppose I am more stable now then I ever have been before.

I just have gone through a series of med change, and that made me lethargic and wanting to stay in bed all the time, in which I did. I acted like I was off of another planet, and pretty much felt like it. lol But I think I’m doing better now. Will be able to tell after my two days off starts.

I went to see my mum in a nursing home today, and I HATE going there to see her. I’ve worked as a CNA for so long, not now, but before, and I just wish I could go down and take care of her all the time. But I know that isn’t possible; so I don’t. But boy, all the hassles of these last three to four months, has really made my bipolar go bonkers, and then not being on the right medication, hasn’t helped one bit. Any way, I hope to hear from you.

love you,
Ike

#187

Hi everyone in Bipolar forum,

It’s been a while since I talked to any of you, so I guess I should update some things.
For one, I’m going to school on-line, Ashworth College now so I can be Medical Transcriptionist. I’ve carrying a B average so far. Just started a new module and took my exam in that one, and it was a C, but I think because I didn’t study it enough. It is harder then the others I just done.
We moved to a bigger house so we could take care of my Mom. My two younger sisters come take care of her the most. I started out taking care of her, but she complete care, and I can’t lift her any more due to the Fibromyalgia and arthuritis. But it certainly is a joy interacting with her. She is in a w/c, and needs us to do every thing for her, but it has been rewarding.

Now I also drive taxi at night from 5pm-3am three nights a week. I was working 4 nights a week, but had to cut back.

The pdoc has changed my meds again. Now I am taking Trazadone for sleep and as a antidepressant; also Lithium now. I have just came out of a 3 month depression, a really bad one. Is all I done was cry!!! I am still depressed, but don’t feel like crying all the time. Now I just get pissy with you when I get mad, or my feelings get hurt.

I think I may be allergic to something I’m taking however. I’m sneezing and coughing all the time. I do know I am allergic to my shampoo because my face and head itches after shower. But I don’t feel good right now. The Fibromyalgia is really bad right now, and I’m very stiff and sore; can hardly make it up and down the few stairs we have! It’s even difficult to walk across the floor. (turning in bed is really difficult).

But for the most part I’m doing okay. I’m a little depressed because of my Husbands’s health right, or worried more then any thing. He has no testosterone, and he has no “sex drive.” Do you know what that does for people that is bipolar?lol! Any way he starts treatment from the VA this week; and I get my new teeth (uppers) this month. I’m really excited! I’ve had this upper since '87. It no longer has teeth in the back of it and I haven’t been able to eat a steak for years now because I can’t chew any thing that is like Steak! Bet you can guess what I’m going to eat when I get my new ones!!! lol

Thanks for listening guys. I love you all! Keep in touch! It’s always so nice to know there is someone in CP that cares and understands!

Ike/bip