Hello Bip!
You are a wise woman & believe it or not, I find I’m looking to you for some advice & motivation.
I did go to the alanon site, but it just lists finding meetings & things which basically are to be looked up in the phone book. Can you tell me the name of a site where there are chats on this?
I definitely have some co-dependency issues because I think to myself, “if I wasn’t here…how would I even support myself?” The thought of going back to work again is more than a little frightening, but I know from previous experience once I get started I usually acclimate. I too will have to find a part-time job because I really can’t handle full-time. The swing-shift job at a convenience store is about right for me 3-11:30, but I believe there will be picking up a graveyard shift occasionally, & I’m not sure how that will go for me. I guess I won’t know until I try it. My room-mate’s hours are 10pm-7am Mon-Thurs. & 3-11:30 on Fridays (although every now & then he works the same 3rd shift on Fridays.) His shift has affected my sleeping & I find I often stay up far too late after he leaves beacuse I just like the alone time. I have got to get on some kind of schedule here though! Right about the time he’s going to be asking for a 2nd shift job, I should be starting the same. Good/bad/indifferent? I’m not sure! (lol!) All I know is that it is difficult for me to get on track here.
Well, let me know about that chat site, please?
Thanks & take care…(you’re doing better than most!!)
Love,
Lori
Hi Lori and Bip,
I wrote Monday but must have pressed the wrong key because my post has disappeared. I’m having a really bad time at the moment very, very down so will write more when I feel a bit better!
Take care
love
Anne x
Now let me address some of the other comments you made in your email to me.
Any of us that has been in a alcoholic environment, be it a spouse, or just a room mate, or for that matter any dysfunctional behavior relationship, there is almost always a co dependency relationship with yourself. That is how we survive in these relationships in the first place. (who in their right minds would stay in this kind of relationship? lol) We have to be dysfunctional in some way ourselves in order to survive.
Any way, a suggestion if you don’t mind, try working the same shifts he works! Then he would be sleeping when you would be sleeping, hopefully! My husb. used to do meth, and would be up all night, and days on end, so I would work graveyards, so when I had my days off, I could stay up all night too, and then when he came down, he would sleep, be sleeping the same time as me. My time to myself, was able to be had whether he was home or not, by me burying my head in this puter, book, tv, (which I don’t like) or friends. Or just able to sleep
and rest.
Getting out of the house, and doing a part time job, will make a world of difference for yourself, you will surprised how much better you will feel once you actually get out of that house, and away from him!
You say I am doing better then most, maybe i am and maybe I’m not. it all depends on what day you talk to me. If it had of been last Tuesday, you would of seen “how good I was doing.” (lol) Not very good!
Today was a good day, until I ate too much sugar, I think that was the reason. I get so cranky! After that wears off, then I’m fine again. But I am so addicted to sugar! I know that I have to STOP! But I’m looking for that"magic pill" that doesn’t exist! But I actually can tell when I am craving sugar now, it is like when I was drinking! OH MY GOD! So, I may have it better, but then I may not!!! I can put on a good act. (just like any bp, lol, you know we are good for that too, when we go to the doctor all of a sudden we are our best).
Well, Lori, lets work on an alanon site together for cp, and see what we can get started. We could chat in cp, with two or three boxes going, we could get something started, I’m sure. We may be able to use yahoo too, i’m not sure. I don’t do AOL any more. I got tired of not being able to get into my account. We may be able to use MSN too, I’m not sure about that either. But let’s get some more opinions and see what we can come up with, okay?
love you,
bip
Hi Anne,
I must be going through some similar things. Feeling very down & anxious at the same time. I didn’t go to sleep until almost 5 am & then finally got out of bed at around 1:30. I have a counseling appt tomorrow at 8:15 which means I will have to try to get some sleep earlier & set my alarm for about 6:30 am. That way I can shower before my room-mate gets home from work to take me. The thought of getting up early sometimes makes me toss & turn & not sleep. I was laying in bed this morning thinking of calling to cancel my appt., but I know I can’t do that right now. I don’t think my meds are doing anything for me except keeping mania at bay. I’m very frustrated with a system that is over-booked with people like me. I am waiting for that January appt. to switch my meds & it seems so far off.
I found another website & saw your posts there, Anne! Pendulum. It is my new obsession…reading how others cope. I know I’m not alone in this, but sometimes it feels that way.
I am having my doubts about the lithium. It is certainly effective for that mania & I’m fearful of starting something in it’s place, but I’ve found I have to pee so much I can’t go more than 5 minutes without using the restroom! If I think about working again, that just won’t be practical & that’s a huge reason I’m having for wanting to try something else! Like you though, I can see the positive effects of that medicine & I’m praying that something else will work. We shall see! And oh…my weight is right back up to an uncomfortable size. That needs to be worked on, too.
Please don’t feel so alone, Anne. I might be an entire continent away, but I assure you, I am going through some very tough times, too. We can muddle through for awhile & hopefully our meds adjustment will do the trick.
I miss you & really like to hear from you! It never sounds negative or as though you are complaining. I have been on anti-psychotics before, too (Mellaril, which is like thorizine!) I took it for 4 years I think. It was the only thing I could take that would help me fall asleep. It did that, but made me weigh more than ever before & I was in a terribly dark depression. I absolutely could not work. I can’t take abilify because it makes me restless, as if I can’t sit still. So, I am where you are…struggling for that combo that will work for me. Sometimes it feels like a crap shoot & I want to give up. Then I remember what has happened in the past & I don’t want to go back there!
The winter is hard on us, & perhaps by spring we will have some sort of stability. I wish that for you as well as myself!
Take care & we’ll do this a step at a time, together!
Love,
Lori
Hi Anne,
Those of us that are bp, understand those down times. We’ve all three been there at one time or another. I could tell you to call someone, but I also know how difficult that is to do, however, I also know it works, if you force yourself to call someone that understands the bp and loves you!
So hang in there!
Love,
bip
Hi Lori,
I am looking to see what I can find. When I was on AOL, I would go into their chat rooms, and that is where I found mine. But, I also done what you said, went inot alanon and found the same thing you did. However, if you have any other means to get to a chat site, other than this one in yahoo, or cp; go there, and ask for a chat room for alanon, or look for one in there, it will be under words like “recovery room” friends of BW; 12 x12 room; also in cp, go to the alcoholism group forum, and ask questions. The one to ask is phoneix, I think might know who to contact in there. We can also ask to set up a “new group for alanon” good idea, why don’t I do that? I will! There may already be a group in there for that. But any way, also go into AA and see if we can find a chat page in there, and they may know some where to go as well. On yahoo, we could set up a chat room for alanon, i’d be willing to do that for us, and any one else that would want to join us.
Any way, my group name in cp is tomorrow’s rainbow, and maybe we need to get that off the ground. I have never done any thing with it, as no one seemed to be interested.
Let me know what you think?
love,
bip
Hi Lori,
Me again! I can see Ann is having a tough time right now. Is there any thing we can do for her, that will help her? I so much enjoy your guys conversation. I know I sort of butted in and for that I apologize, but you two sound so much like where I have been, and still some times I am yet. I’m going to set up an appointment with a drug/alcohol counselor, even though I have 10 yrs of sobriety, i need some more counseling, and sometimes they understand more. (and hopefully I will keep the appointment).
Well, Lori, keep up the good work of looking for alanon in here, and by the way Phoenix says she does alanon online in a chat room, ask where she goes, and so will i. I am also setting up a new group names “tomorrows rainbow” in cp, and inviting you to join the group, also ann, but i forgot to send her an invite. (even though she may not have alcoholism as a problem with someone in her family, i think she would get some benefit from the 12-steps. (EA, if we can, that is EMOTIONS ANONYMOUS) Any way let me know what you think!!! I also have another group in mind I would like to set up in a chat room setting.
But I don’t know for sure how to go about doing this. So let me know what you think. I think we can through yahoo.
love,
bip
Hi Lori and Bip,
I am really struggling at the moment…memories of my past and the good life I had are driving me to distraction…my mood is so low I don’t even want to move about. I have been crying and shaking and feel terrible. Going to see my CPN at 9 am, although what good that will do I don’t know…wish they would hospitalise me and get my meds sorted out once and for all. I want to go to a place where I feel ‘safe’ and the only place I can think of is my old home and I cannot go back there…its destroying me.
I will write again tomorrow about what happened with my CPN, if anything!
Take care
love
Anne x
Hi Ann,
I am so sorry you are so down. You know sometimes looking in the past is a good thing, if we are looking there to discover what we can do today to make our lives better.
But then I know you already know all this. So remember, you are a survivor, or you wouldn’t be where you are today. Hon, you’ve survived many things, that many of us wouldn’t. We can really look to you and see that we too can survive, bkz you are STILL surviving, even though you are struggling!!! That is a lesson by itself.
Take care, get to your doc, and hopefully he will give you some hope.
love,
bip
Hello to you Anne,
I am so sorry to hear you aren’t feeling good. If it’s any consolation to you, I am feeling very out of sorts, too. I haven’t been sleeping well at all & when I finally got tired enough to try at 5am again this morning, I was up at 6:45 when my alarm went off. Took a quick bath & ended up putting my PJ’s back on & calling my therapist to cancel our appt. I left my room-mate a note so he wouldn’t feel required to take me. I then stayed in bed 'till about 3 this afternoon. No, I wasn’t sleeping all that time…I think I drift off occassionally, but mostly I’m just lodged in bed because I’m trying to give my body & mind some rest. Those wheels keep spinning in my mind & I feel worried that I’ll go manic again if I don’t make some sort of schedule. Then I also worry about my pills running out & I don’t even think I’m on the appropriate “med coctail” yet either. My therapist has suggested that I could go to a small in-patient facility while I have my meds switched, but that scares me because I was in the hospital twice last Sept. & 3 more times last spring. I’m ready to start taking my full dose of lithium again, if that will help. I just don’t know what else I can do but wait for that appt. with the doctor. It has me feeling scared as well.
I hope your appt. with the CN was okay. I shouldn’t say this, perhaps…but I don’t feel all that pleased with counseling. I guess that’s another reason I cancelled today. I feel like I want to scream, “I’m taking these pills…isn’t that enough?” I really have to get a grip here because I know the only way to get better is to try to be positive. I can so much feel your pain, Anne. I am that low, too. I can’t think about the past because it now feels as though I had a fairy tale image of what my marriage & homelife was like. I screwed much of that up myself because I didn’t take meds, & now it just makes me feel like damaged goods. I know I think too much…but that’s part of this illness, too.
I just want you to know that I feel as though I’m hanging on, too. Maybe the right med coctail is in the future. I want to believe that is so. Just try to have faith in yourself & I will try as well.
I love you, Anne. I pray for us both now. Meds don’t do all the work, but they sure do alot of it! Maybe…just maybe…we’ll get lucky with them soon. I sure hope so!
Take Care,
Lori
Hi Bip,
If you want to start a group here, that might be a good idea. I have really slow dial up service, not DSL…so chatting is often times a slow & tedious process. I have joined another BP group on a site called pendulum. I’ve used it mostly for research for my illness & medication comments in case I am able to change mine up a bit next month.
As I said to Anne, I’ve had such a bout with sleeping problems lately that I cancelled a morning appt. with my counselor. I am looking forward to the new year for multiple reasons! Hopefully I will have my license reinstated & my car running. This will allow me a sense of freedom as far as scheduling any appts. to fit MY sleep habits. My room-mate has said he’ll be putting in for a 2nd shift position the first of the year as well. That will help me I believe & I hope to work a second shift job as well…partially because it takes so long to fall asleep I have a major problem getting up in the morning.
I don’t know how folks keep on going, but we do. I am muddling through as best as I can. I think some of this for me is the huge crash after many months of irrational mania last spring. What goes up must certainly come down. I’m struggling that it doesn’t get too far in that direction either.
As I mentioned earlier, perhaps you could start a sub-group here at CP. I’d be interested to hear the dialog.
Take Care,
Lori
Hi Weber,
I too have problems sleeping. I sleep fine in the day time. I’ve always told people I was a vampire. lol But now I know why. It seems the older I get, the less sleep I can get; not bkz I don’t want to sleep, just that it is so difficult to get quality sleep any more. Bkz of my job I’m afraid to get sleeping aides, so what to do? But that is why the second shift jobs fits me better, bkz I don’t do mornings well either.
then of course, the second shift lends to less sleep sometimes, getting off at 3:00 am ; then I’m up till 5 or 6 am bkz I can’t unwind. I’m sure these are some of the reasons why so many bp’s don’t work.
Yes, I am looking forward to trying to start a chat room somewhere for us here in cp on alanon and bp related issues, the two together sounds good to me. there is a 12 step group for dual diagnosis, alcoholism and mental illness; so why not alanon and mental illness? Any way, hear from Ann? How is she?
love,
bip
Hi Lori and Bip,
Went to my CPN…although I agree with you Lori counselling does not help me…he said the way I was talking would make most CPN’s section me…suicidal…although I will not do it because of Ben and Andrew and what it would do to them…but I am so low and so very sad. I don’t mind if I go in the hospital I will do anything at this point to try and feel better. I hear what you are saying Lori about making your past like a fairytale but to me mine was it was all I wanted and I was happy and content. I have an appointment with the Dr today and also my CPN again…he is trying to get me an emergency appointment with a psychiatrist to get back on lithium at least that would give me some hope because I don’t have any at the moment!
I am going to see Ben and Emma tonight to try and reinforce my reason for being here. Sorry I sound so negative its 6.44 am here and I don’t want to be awake if I had sleeping pills at the moment I would just keep taking them and sending myself back to sleep…facing the daily turmoil of my memories is destroying me. I want to scream I can feel the frustration building inside me. I have not showered or washed my hair for days now and know I am in a deep depression. You must also feel the same regarding losing all your furniture etc Lori I want familiar things around me in my pain and to feel at ‘home’. My friends is not my home it is a place I am staying at. Crying now, so much pain. Bip you said I am a ‘survivor’ and I have survived so long now 41/2 years but it is so very hard and so very scary. I love you too Lori and wish I was nearer so we could talk and I could really do with an hug right now…so I will hug you across the miles and know Lori you are in my thoughts and I truly care.
Take care
love
Anne
Hi again Ann,
I actually also know what it feels like not to have “your things around” you. when I lived with my mother-in-law for two years; it was so hard to not have my own things. When I left my ex-husb. in '85 I not only lost material things, but my family, friends, and I thought every ones love. I lost my two youngest kids and every thing that was ever familiar to me. I went to a huge city that I knew nothing about; lived in a shelter for three months, then moved in with an aunt that I really didn’t get along with real well, only when I done wha they did, drink; and then I for the next two years I lived with this person and that person, nothing being my own, but my clothes.
So I do know what it means to have nothing to call your own; but Ann, it really does get better. No, the pain of loosing every thing really never goes away, but it does get endurable. It’s been 21 yrs., now since '85, when I lost every thing that I loved and knew. It’s been since '04 that we moved into our own place; lost every thing again; then we moved here where we are now, and it’s been another two years. The last move, we lost so much in as well. Every time we have moved, we have lost pictures, furniture, clothes, friends, a beloved home, a job, or something that was dear to us. But Ann, it really does get better. You have your life! And honestly, sometimes, that is ALL we have!!! Our life may not be what we want it to be, and our things may not be what we had, but we have “life” and that by itself is a precious gift given to us by God. If Adam and Eve hadn’t of sinned, we would of been in the Garden; but they did; so now, God never told us it was going to be easy. But he did give his dear son for us to have another chance at life; and so no matter what our lives are now, we can be grateful that we have another chance to live that life.
I remember when I thought I didn’t want that life any more; and I wished I would of been wiped away just like the last 18 yrs. of my life had been taken away from me; and my husband of the last 21 yrs. saw something to save from the ashes. I wasn’t sure why, still not! But I am thankful I can enjoy my grand kids, him, and what is the rest of my family. Today I had a nice day with my sister.
Tomorrow I go to clean my mom’s house. If I had of taken my life, or lost my life like all those material things had been taken from me, I would not have the opportunity to give back to my Mom, love my grand kids, see my younger sisters grow, see my husb. get off of drugs, see my cat still be alive, and hear my grand kids voice on the phone.
love,
bip
Hi Weber,
I agree with you too about the counseling thing. I make appointments then don’t keep them. I have one coming up next week, and I’m really going to try to keep. but sometimes, it just seems like a waste of my time, when I’d rather be home doing my own thing.
I also understand about the sleep. I’m not sleepy right now either, so I don’t know if I will sleep at all tonight. but I am going to go back to bed and hope to find some sleep. I got up early today for me, around noon; but usually I don’t get up either until around 3; take a shower; and if i don’t have to go to work, i’ll either get on here, go back to bed and just watch tv, if i watch tv.
Any way, my heart goes out to Ann. I know so well where she is coming from. I lost my home, family, kids, friends all under different circumstances, but I know what it feels like to not have familiar things around you that you actually can call your own. Shelters are no picnics, but it’s better then being living in fear, whether it be a mental fear or physical fear. If it had of only happened once, that would of been nice, but it happened several times before my husb. got his stuff together enough to get off drugs; and now I do have it pretty stable and good, I might add. but most of the 21 yrs. of our life together, it has been pretty hectic.
Any way, Weber, my heart goes out to you too. I hate that uncertainty and anxiety! I get stuck on something that I’m anxious about, sometimes thats all the time, I don’t know how to pull myself out of the anxiety. I think it may be an anxiety disorder; but again, I don’t want to go to the doctor, so I suffer instead.
Any way,
love,
bip
Hi BIP,
I guess about all I expect is to know there are other people (especially ladies) who have similar problems as me. And you, Anne, & myself are all roughly the same age, so that helps me as well, I think. If I think of all the things I’ve been through with this illness, I wonder if it would have been better if I had stuck with a medication plan all this time. I’ve been through most of the different mood-stabilizers, anti-depressants, anti-psychotics (major tranqilizers just don’t do it…They help you sleep, but you just never seem to break free of the depression. I really hope that Anne will feel better on just the lithium again. I believe with an adjustment period, she will.) I managed to get some sleep about 3 am this morning (LOL!) that’s a couple of hours earlier. Now the goal is to wake up & greet my day a little sooner. If I lie in bed too long I don’t really sleep so much as build up that anxiety.) Somehow, there is luxury in knowing that I don’t have to be anywhere & I don’t have to please anyone throughout the day but myself. I truly need to work on a wakeup schedule because I do have these random appts twice a month with the counselor & my food stamp card comes up for review on Monday. I need to be able to keep these appts. If nothing else for some sense of independence when the time comes for me to move out. I wish I could explain how difficult it is for me to be without my own transportation. Next month when that all changes & I’m able to drive again, I plan on going back to my other psychiatrist because she was able to see me on an every 3 week schedule. No need for a separate counselor when I’m speaking directly with her, either. That was wonderful for me. I was also able to change my meds & for a time they seemed to feel better than the current ones (she had me on Neurontin, like you. No need for constant blood work & I just felt “safer” if that makes any sense?!)
I’ve done so much reading up on this & I am a firm believer that a medication regiment that doesn’t have a ton of side-effects is the easier way of sticking to that regiment. I’m not looking for any miraculous moments now, but I am still in search of a combo that will allow me to feel more normal. I sometimes wonder if my anti-depressant, that helps me sleep, is just causing my brain to adjust so that I’ve worked up a tolerance or actual addiction. Last night I took a couple of melatonin & that seemed to help alot.
I get very exhausted, emotionally, looking at my pile of “belongings” in the room-mate’s car port. I no longer have the “things” that I would need to start over here in my own place, & I get confused as to how that should all happen. Not over night, I know that…but I really wonder about making a move from here.
I have been married to a meth addict too. That was my second marriage. He’s remarried (the younger woman he left me for) & perhaps her influence…he’s gotten clean. He doesn’t even smoke cigarettes any more! In spite of the hell we went through together…he was my true love. Always will be! I think everything we did was passionate! The way we lived, loved, & even fought. His son is the one I raised from infancy & am very close to, now. His girlfriend is bi-polar & I think that’s a sign of maturity that my step-son is able to accept her. (It would make me feel happy to be closer in miles to them…& when that’s possible, I plan on making that move.)
I just sat down with my “budget” and again, it looks like May will be a time for change. I will not be able to afford a move until that time, but at that point…I see a dent in some debts that will allow for a move. Now if I can pick up a job by February…that might make for an even smoother transition.
I may also have told you, I don’t really remember…but my room-mate plans on going to a 2nd shift job (which is primarily the shift I will be looking for.) As you said, try creating the same hours…& you’re right, that’s my goal.
Now if I could get through menopause without a hitch…I’d really be happy! (In the past 6 months, I’ve missed 2 cycles, so i know I’m winding down.) And I think perhaps my hot flashes have alot to do with the weather here in Georgia. It’s been 80 degrees & after I get out of the shower & dry my hair, it’s already wet again in the back. I so DREAD looking forward to next summer! How’s the weather where you are? Did you say you live in Oregon, or was that Pocahontus?
I think I have some things to think through between now & next summer. I may drive back to Colorado if I don’t feel things progressing for me here. I just need a little more patience I think.
Well, I guess we’ll keep on, keeping on as they say! Of all the goals I have for 2008…my biggest is to stay out of the hospital! So, taking meds…like them or not…is the plan as well! And yes…beyond that, I’d sure like to be working again because I can’t think of anything that makes me feel more “normal” than that!
Take Care BIP!
Love,
Lori
Hi Lori,
You know something, you already sound more “sane” then you did when I read your first post. YOU sound more UPBEAT and actually ready to make changes, even you know you have to “wait.” Waiting is my worse enemy for any thing.
But in my own illness, I have found that looking at the budget very often, I get over whelmed; so I put it on the computer and leave it alone until the time comes when I get paid. Other wise, I take it out two or more times a day and stare at it, worrying about the money situation. Then I start revising it over and over again, until I really don’t know what I am going to do next month.
I also agree, having the “one” goal of staying out of the hospital, and concentrating on that “goal” for now, is the most important thing for you to do; so you can have other goals, long time goals down the line some where. But if we don’t keep our “short term” goals, then the long term ones becomes harder to meet.
One time at an AA meeting, I was talking about “what if” this and that, and was just going on and on, all worried, with my anxiety level mounting. I guess a “old timer” finally had heard enough, and said “Honey, you know something, the “what ifs” only happen in our heads.” I have thought of this concept quite often since, and it does help when I ALLOW IT TO HELP, and not stay stuck in the “what ifs.” I have to agree though the AA program, the Alanon program, and my faith in Jehovah God has really helped me to get to this place in my mind; and praying over and over and over and over again, for PEACE, Jehovah has given it to me, esp. in certain issues. (esp. family issues).
Any way, Lori, you are sounding stronger, and stronger, take those meds, keep your goal in mind to stay out of the hospital, and food for thought:
G.O.A.L. = GET OUT AND LOOK. Even though this is a driving defensive technique when backing up, think about it with your own goals. What was you like when you were hospitalize? What happened when you went off your meds? This would indeed be a way of backing up if you relapsed.
So your DEFENSIVE DRIVING NOW is meds, peace, and keeping in mind your goal, for now.
I love you,
bip
Hi Lori and Bip,
Went to the Doctors Friday and he gave me some of the sleeping pills I use to be on. He only gave me 7 x3.5mg so I thought I would take 4 on Friday night and have a good sleep (I use to be on 15mg per night, I slept until Saturday night I was totally disorientated when I woke up and not sure it helped other than, I was out of this world for 24hrs.I took the other 3 on Satuday night and slept until Sunday morning…not good I know but the pain was getting too much and my head felt like it would explode! The Doctor also upped my Efexor to 225mg and said it may take a week or so to work, so I am keeping my fingers crossed!
I went to Ben and Emma’s tonight was suppose to go Friday but cancelled because I felt so down and did not want Ben to pick up on that…I put on a ‘brave face’ with Ben…don’t want to worry him. He wants me to get a place of my own so Emma and him can come visit on a regular basis…but it will be March before I move and then it is getting something suitable…I know I compare all houses to my old home and find them ‘wanting’ so I have got to get over that hurdle and try to find a home that is suitable for me.
How are you doing Lori? I am thinking about you and hope you are not too down and anxious
I’m off to bed now (my favourite part of the day and I always hope I will feel better in the morning) will write tomorrow.
Take care
love
Anne x
Well hello Anne!
I won’t have another med change for a long time, but I guess I am sleeping okay. I went to bed earlier last night & although I kept waking up off & on, I stayed in bed again 'till 3 in the afternoon. I will have to set my alarm for tomorrow because I have an appt. with Dept of Human Services to get my food stamp card reevaluated. They want to drop me down from $40/month to $32/month. I don’t know how they figure I can live on that if I live alone, but at least at this point I have been able to help my room-mate some.
I’d say that’s not a good thing to do…taking multiple sleeping tablets, but I do the same thing. I don’t think I will be able to get off of my anti-depressant because it does help me sleep. I have tried to take a half tablet, & then I’m up all night. So I guess I am just trying to muddle through until I see the doctor. I hope your med change is better, Anne. I think I want to have hope that I can still maintain my moods if I switch to something else. I really have such a hard time with the lithium…having to pee all the time!
I think you will feel somewhat better next spring when you strike out on your own. I believe I will, although I’m very scared about paying the bills. I know nothing will compare to your previous house, & I feel that way, too. My ex-husband had purchased our home & after years of not having a place of our own, I was very happy. It’s difficult to think about apartment living again, but I hope to cross that bridge (as you will!) next spring.
Sometimes I think I will be able to start working again, & other times I don’t know how I can do so without going a litttle bonkers! I really don’t feel “all right” yet because of my sleep patterns. Perhaps it’s just a matter of setting an alarm again. I don’t know though.
I understand your not wanting to socialize much right now, even with your son & Emma. I have gotten very reclusive, even with my room-mate & really don’t want to go anywhere. I think as I’ve said before, getting places on my own will make me feel better about it all. Time will tell!
I am anxious to hear that your med change has helped you, so please keep me informed!
I’ve got to get something to eat. Sleep well Anne!
Love,
Lori
Hi Lori,
Thats bad news about your food stamps, hope they don’t cut them down. We do not have them here although I believe some of the immigrants did at one time not sure if they still do. Like I said before our diability rates are, in my opinion, very good…like having a wage.
Well! I have just woke up and feel crap and would go back to bed but my housemate has a ‘carer’ who comes mornings and I always feel I should be ‘up and dressed’ my housemate stays in her nightgown all day (unless she goes out) and I don’t want to be seen to be doing the same (if that makes sense) The carer comes for two hours to ‘help’ my housemate sort out her meds and help with any bill paying etc.
Lori, I get so tired of all this…feeling this way, trying to act ‘normal’ I just want it to end.
So you feel the same way about your lost home…I am terrible not only about what I lost but what I am losing still…the comfort…the feeling of security. I pray that we both find good places to live and can create our own homes again and find happiness.
My housemate was not very happy about me sleeping 24 hrs and said if I was to get a place at the moment she would not be happy about me taking Peanut with me because how would I look after him, that stung abit because he will be my ‘focus’ when I do move, although I assured my housemate that will not be till the spring. I am finding it difficult to get through the days at the moment, hope my med change works, fingers crossed.
Will close now and write tomorrow.
Take care, Lori
love
Anne x